A Black Vortex
by Nightcat711
Summary: Avery Grayson is at a particularly low point in her life when she is turned. Deciding that she deserves a second chance at life, she runs to leave behind the memories that haunt her in Mystic Falls. But something keeps pulling her back into the enticing presence of a certain Salvatore brother but will that do her any good?
1. Lost Girls

**Disclaimer: **I do not own anything that seems familiar.

* * *

**1 – Lost Girls**

I watched Jeremy and Vicki intently through the crackling flames of the fire as they quarreled about something that I didn't care about. My mind was hazy from the alcohol and whatever drug was being passed around as I contemplated the young boy's fate. I usually kept out of other people's business but it wasn't my fault that everyone in town knew what the boy was going through. Losing one's parents is tough but I felt no pity for the boy or at least not as much as I probably should. There were worse things out there, he would get over it. I did.

Then again my parents weren't dead, at least not both of them. My mother wasted away as her cancer drained the life out of her and I wasn't sure what was worse. Losing your parents under unexpected circumstances and ill luck or whether it was more depressing to see it coming, to know that your dear mother's time was running out and there was nothing you could do about it. I decided for the latter because seeing death changed you forever. It changed my father and it left me weak and vulnerable, then tragedy struck again and when I felt broken beyond repair, he left me to fend for myself in Mystic Falls because he couldn't help me. He felt like he was making me feel worse, but what did he know?

Jeremy was better off, he never found out how weak his parents could be, which left his memory of them a perfectly clean slate, untouched by the traits he could have never imagined within the people he loved most. A horrible surprise left you shocked and numb, then slowly the grief and fury would take over.

As your feelings overwhelmed you and threatened to eat you alive, you tried to numb them and would do anything to fight them away for at least a few peaceful moments. I understood Jeremy's flair for drugs, his desperate need to make the voices die down, to make the images of past scenarios blur into oblivion. He stalked away in frustration, turning his angry back on Vicki and reminded me of what we lost souls were best at. Running away. It's what we did. It's how we worked.

Trouble came lurking around the corner and we turned the other way to cover our ears, acting like we didn't hear or feel anything. I thoughtfully sucked on the makeshift cigarette that held the drug, one of the guys had brought along to one of our meetings today. The silence of the cemetery was soothing and it felt good to laugh off whatever darkness had beat you down to the ground in the past, hidden away behind the daily façade you built up every stinking day. It was tiring and even if a small part of my mind was aware of the fact that we were laughing like a bunch of idiots for no reason, the other, greater part of mind didn't care. I didn't care about a lot of things lately, least of all about myself.

* * *

The night of my horror was several years ago and it still haunted me each and every single day when someone grazed my skin accidently or joked about chasing after a girl. There was nothing amusing about a damsel in distress and unconsciously I snorted in disgust, just as Vicki plopped down onto the log next to me, giving me a look that told me I might as well be talking to myself. Even among these people I felt like I stood out, as if they stared at me whenever my back was turned.

Her slender hand stretched out to take the lit bud from my hand and she inhaled deeply, the anguish slowly vanishing from her face as her eyes glazed over into a mask of something close to tranquility. It was strange how drugs could do that to you, they took everything away from you and left you in a giddy state of nothingness. Nothing mattered anymore but there was also nothing that could hurt you anymore, nothing at all.

"Ave, why do guys have to be so complicated?" She asked, settling her head on my shoulder with a sigh. I twitched at her closeness but tried to ease my body into a relaxed position to fight the anxiety that was slowly building up inside me. We weren't exactly the best of friends, but circumstances had brought us together and druggies had no inhibitions, so I guessed we looked pretty close. In reality we weren't close to anyone really, we were self-obsessed and pushed away whoever thought could help us because they could never take away the pain. What's the use of comfort without relief?

I massaged my temples roughly, successfully shaking off her head from my shoulder without causing suspicion. "They're not." I uttered in annoyance, her superficial bickering got on my nerves at times and I really couldn't understand what she was thinking around the opposite sex. "Look, Tyler's a completely jackass who will never treat you right. Why you even tried going out with him is just completely mind-blowing to me. Jeremy is the good guy you should actually be giving a chance and now that it's happening, you're using him." I finished with an aggravated wave towards the pills in her hand, the ones she had stolen from Jeremy's sister.

Jeremy wasn't an angel himself but he was too soft to be a druggie. This was just a phase for him and I thought Vicki was the real reason he hanged around with us because in the end he was too much of a child to be one of the emotional wrecks that we were. He would still experience so much joy in his life that it would overshadow these dark times in his life.

"Like you would know how a relationship works." Vicki scoffed, getting up briskly and walking away from me. I should be put out by her abruptness but I really didn't have the nerve to deal with her problems today. Any other day I would have been alright with shouldering her issues alongside mine but not today, today I just needed a good, old distraction from the images in my mind.

* * *

Vicki was right about one thing at least, I really didn't care much for a functioning relationship as I strode over to Jack, a guy with sandy blonde hair and startling grey eyes. Not to forget that he was fit and knew when to shut up. Our gaze locked and a suggestive smirk crossed my plump lips that was met with an eager nod.

His rough hand pulled me towards the woods and I let his hands roam my body as he pressed me up against one of the trees. I suppressed a shiver as he lifted my shirt slightly and ignored the bark that bored into my back, as he whispered huskily against my neck. "God, you're beautiful." I stiffened at his words as images flooded my mind, the very ones that I had wanted to restrain from taking up room in my mind.

* * *

_I was walking home from our prom early with earphones blaring some heavy rock music right into my skull, making me feel even more giddy than I already was. I was finally finished with school, life could finally begin far away from my drinking father and this sleepy town. The gossip about who did what and with whom was nerve wracking, especially when you were the daughter of the town's drunkard but I was escaping all of this now._

_Turning a corner, I took a shortcut through the woods, a short gravel trail that led straight to where I lived. The dark looming trees hung over my head like dark, stretching fingers and I watched the night with alert eyes, aware of the fact that I wouldn't hear a wild boar or any other kind of animal that might stalk me through the forest in the dark. _

_I frowned as I registered a young man standing on the path I was walking on and I wondered whether it would be smarter to turn around and walk away from him as I slowed my steps but I recognized his football jacket and knew that he was one of the blokes on the football team of the high school I went to .With deep breaths I calmed myself enough to stride forth a bit quicker again, feeling reassured by the fact that I knew this person and I removed my earphones from my ears, stuffing the device into the pocket of my jacket._

_But when I recognized his angular face with dark hair and black orbs for eyes, I couldn't help a groan from escaping my lips. "Bryan, what the hell? You nearly scared me out of my mind, I was about to climb up a tree." I joked lightly, trying to hide my discomfort. I suddenly wished I had kept my earphones in and had simply walked on by, ignoring the troublesome bloke._

_Bryan had been hooting after me the entire year and his frustration grew daily as I ignored his feeble attempts at flirting with me because I really wasn't interested in some brainless idiot whose only talent was chasing after an oval ball of sorts._

"_No need to be scared, it's just me. Good old Bryan, here to walk you home." He declared grandly, throwing an arm across my shoulders as we kept walking. I felt not the least bit comfortable with his proximity but I didn't have the guts to tell him so. I was the quiet girl with the hot body that didn't really associate with a lot of people except for nerds like herself._

"_Gee, how nice of you." I said awkwardly, rubbing my hands together as I grew more nervous by the moment. What did he want from me? He usually kept his distance and his sudden boldness was no longer surprising to me the moment I smelt the sting of alcohol in his breath when his mouth moved close to my ear._

"_You sure left early. Was your date no fun?" He sneered, encircling my waist in a painful grip as he crashed my body against his. We had stopped walking now as I tried to wriggle out of his hands but I couldn't. Damn those fit football blokes and their strength!_

_I was beginning to panic when there was no more room between our bodies and no way to escape from him, yelping helplessly I struggled against him as he backed me up against a tree. My head collided painfully with the wood and my head swam with black spots blurring my vision. "What are you doing?" I gasped when my vision cleared again and inwardly berated myself for the stupid question. Was this all I could say in such a situation? No snarky remarks, no brave acts of stupidity._

"_I'm making sure that you're having some fun tonight, beautiful." He murmured into my ear and his thick fingers trailed along my sides to my lower back, making me feel sick to my stomach when his hand connected to my bare skin. He thrust his tongue into my mouth and I nearly choked on the taste of stale beer as I drummed my fists against his bulky chest in an attempt to break this disgusting kiss._

_Annoyed, he pulled back and looked down upon me grimly, his face a mask of anger and impatience. "Stop." I pleaded, the word slipping out of my mind before I thought about what I was saying. But he just took advantage of my opened mouth to stick his ruddy tongue into my mouth again but this time I was prepared and bit down hard._

_He yelled out and slapped his hand across my cheek in a stunning blow that cut off my protests and feeble attempts at getting him off of me. His beefy hands roamed my body and I whimpered pathetically as he ripped off the scarlet dress I was wearing, my body shivering from the cold and the deadpan fear that was taking over me. My wrists were pinned over my head and my shoulders protested as a sharp pain blinded me at the joint. "Quit crying, you know you want it." He sneered, making the tears pour from my eyes even faster than the ones that had been trailing my cheeks before that I had hardly noticed._

_As his hands started roaming my body in unruly places I started screaming for help but I should have known that making any kind of noise would be a mistake. His fist collided with my face over and over again until all I could do was breathe in hysterical rasps as blood ran down my face and he unzipped his pants._

* * *

"Don't talk." I barked at Jack and he just shrugged as he kissed my neck tenderly, not to be compared to Bryan's wet, sloppy kisses that still haunted me at night in my nightmares. I know that it seemed foolish to drown your sorrow in alcohol and having meaningless sex with guys who were just as dumb as the person who had defiled me and made me incapable of being close to anyone besides the occasional fling with whoever was willing. But I guess it was my own kind of therapy, trying to forget that one horrible night by sleeping with anyone. Rape was an ugly word and I wanted it banned from my world.

We deepened our kiss and our tongues battled for dominance as we clawed at each other's clothes, the pointy bark in my back forgotten but my hands started trembling as the memory echoed through my mind. Jack's hands were at my lower back just where his had been as he held me in place to take me against my will in a forest. The similarity between the two situations was astonishing and suddenly I didn't know what I was doing anymore. This would never help me get over a man taking advantage of me. I was destroying myself and wallowing in pity.

The moment of clarity passed when Jack was ripped from my desperate grip, leaving me to crash to the ground without the support of his body pressed up against mine. "Hey!" I exclaimed and I could have slapped myself for the desperate edge in my tone. So this was what I had become, a hopeless nymphomaniac? My gaze met white blue fire and I tilted my head in confusion and curiosity as the beautiful raven haired man bit down on Jack's neck who didn't even have time to scream before he was dead, his skin ghastly pale from blood loss.

I hardly registered his body falling to the ground because an angular face was right before mine with amazing ice blue eyes that blazed with a feeling that I couldn't pinpoint. "You know how to have fun, I think I'll keep you around." He mused in his velvet like voice as he stroked my neckline with an elegant finger. "You're hot, too, so you qualify for the little party that I have in mind." He said in a mock cheerful tone as he twirled one of the strands of my mahogany hair and stared deeply into my eyes, a playful smirk pulling at his features. "Your eyes are stunning, too. Yup, definitely a keeper." His eyes bore into my amber ones that blended into a light golden tone in the center. He brought his cell phone back to his ear and commanded, coldly. "Stefan, like I said I want my ring back or I'll be paying a visit to your dear Elena. Your choice." He snapped the phone shut in a final gesture and turned to me as his eyes turned bloodshot and his fangs elongated to bite into his own wrist.

He pushed it up against my mouth and my eyebrows pulled together in confusion as I drank his blood hesitantly as he cooed. "Drink up. No need to be shy." He secured my position by wrapping a lean arm around my shoulders to pull me close as he watched me intently. I pulled back suddenly when I caught sight of Vicki's unmoving body that was the closest to where I was standing with this stranger that was feeding me his blood. The line of bodies strewn around the fire made me shake my head as I grumbled, darkly. "I have to stop doing drugs." My head spun and I swayed dangerously, no longer able to hold up my own body as a ringing sound echoed in my ears.

"Maybe you should after this." He said threateningly, his tone that of a hunter ready to loosen an arrow in a killing stroke any second now. There was a sickening crack after he placed his hands on either side of my face, caressing my cheek softly then total blackness and nothingness.

* * *

I woke up to the most painful headache of my life and blaring music, but not the kind that I liked, there wasn't even a guitar in it. "Turn that shit down." I croaked, as I got up and inspected my strange surroundings with one hand grasping the side of my skull as if I wanted to tear it off right now, which I honestly did because the pain was unbearable. The room around me was elaborate and I had never seen it before, which only confused me even more. The feeling of confusion only increased when the man from last night was right in my face again, moving at inhuman speed. "Damn, am I still high?" I groaned, heading into the adjacent bathroom, not caring what the guy in the room did as I stripped off my grimy clothes. I felt disgusting and was suffering a hangover of sorts, I needed a shower right now.

The water started pouring and I felt like I could hear each single drop like a hurricane but still the water washing over my body made me feel more alive again. "Most definitely not and here I thought that you were the fun one." He teased me with that cold, cutting voice of his as he leaned in the doorway. I had really expected everything about last night to be a dream or rather a drug induced fantasy but no, there he was smirking his devilish smirk without a care in the world as I wrapped a towel around my soaked body. What the hell was going on? "Come on, Vic and I feel like dancing and you are joining us." He commanded, holding out his hand to me after he threw one of his black button down shirts at me that I shrugged on, my brows furrowing in skepticism.

When I only stared at his hand and didn't do anything he just rolled his eyes in annoyance and yanked me along. I looked around wildly and somehow everything seemed clearer than usual. Pulling off my glasses I squinted around, mesmerized by my suddenly perfect vision. "What the hell is going on?" I asked in fascination.

"You won't be needing those anymore, either. Now dance, will you?" The man said, pulling me up onto the table and I locked eyes with a dazed looking Vicki, unsure of what to do. So I let them pull me into their strange dance because it looked fun and I didn't want to worry about what was happening when these two were having such a good time. While we danced, Vic threw her arms around Damon's neck, pouting up at him.

"Can I have another hit, Damon?" She asked and I just stared at them when the man called Damon laughed but the sound seemed quite hollow to me, without a spark of amusement. He turned his back on me and Vicki eagerly pulled back his shirt to dig her teeth into his neck while he did the same with her. The smell hit me like a freight train and I stumbled backwards as fire erupted in my throat. My hands flew to my neck but the burning sensation was inside and I felt a hunger that I had never felt before as I watched a crimson drop of blood roll down Damon's backside, unable to tear my eyes from the sight. In the blink of a moment my teeth dug into his back and I gasped in disbelief as the wonderful taste of his blood sated the burning feeling I felt.

I backed up from the strange scene before me, realizing that this wasn't right. My nails dug into the wood behind me and my head felt dizzy but I knew that I wasn't high or drunk. This was real and it was freaking me out. Normal people didn't drink blood and love every drop of it. I wiped at my mouth hysterically and stared at the red marks left on my hands. But this couldn't be real, such things didn't exist. I was sure of it but the sizzling thirst was there and I licked the remains from my hands before I could stop myself. As I watched Damon and Vicki drink from each other it took all of the self-control I still had to not jump back to them and join in on their bloodbath.

My teeth clenched and my whole body was rigid as I watched them dance through the house, throwing around the furniture and causing a mess. I relaxed when they were out of my sight and settled down on the floor, cradling my head between my knees. Was this some kind of wild dream? Hopefully, I would wake up and all of this never happened. I could keep leading my dull life, working at the Grill, drinking whenever I was home alone to fight away the sorrow.

My skull felt like it was cracking in two as I thought of the suffering buried deep in my heart, the pain was building constantly and my hands started shaking again as the memory of Bryan's abuse haunted me in crystalline clarity. I wanted these feelings to go away, they had to stop right now because I didn't want to break down. I hated feeling weak in my own body with no control over what was going on. My feelings felt heightened and for a panicked moment I thought that I might be pregnant because this couldn't be normal. Then I remembered Vic, drinking Damon's blood like it was some kind of drug and I knew that my emotions weren't running wild out of normal reasons. I wanted to turn it all off, enough was enough. No more panic, no more fear, no more suffering.

My hands stilled as numbness took over but it wasn't the usual way of how I felt after taking drugs or drinking myself into oblivion. I just didn't feel anything at all like I was in a neutral mode and a fierce, triumphant smile spread on my lips. This was good, actually the first good thing that happened today. There was still the echo of my feelings somewhere deep down within me but they were too far gone to concern me. The sound of Vicki's sobs made my head snap up and I raced up to where I had heard her, my instinct to be by her side kicking in.

* * *

"Vic." I whispered tenderly when I saw her sit on the bed, her head buried in her hands as sobs racked her body. I edged towards her carefully and stretched my hand out tentatively to touch her, to soothe her somehow but I couldn't. My hand snapped back to my side as I felt that I couldn't stand touching her. I almost felt disgusted by the mere thought of touching someone and I realized that my feelings were creeping back up on me in an intense wave. Pushing them back, I rested my hand on her shoulder ever so lightly, making her look up at me with puffy red eyes.

"I'm worthless, Ave, completely worthless." She whined and my eyes widened in response. I knew that her sense of self-worth was minimal but this wasn't like her. She always put on such a confident act that people tended to forget how broken she felt inside. "My mother can't stand being around me and always leaves, Matt will hate me sooner or later and it's all my fault." Large tears leaked from her eyes and rolled down her cheeks and I pulled my hand back suddenly as if I had burned it on something.

Her words stung and I was incapable of saying anything to comfort her because I knew that there was nothing I could say or do that would make her understand that it wasn't her fault. "This is ridiculous." Damon snarled, rushing Vic and pulling her up by a hand curled around her neck. With a sharp twist and a loud crack, he broke her neck and threw her lifeless body to the floor in a careless manner.

Fury spiked within me and I crashed into him in a rush, slamming him into the wall behind him, destroying a cupboard in the process. Splinters flew around and I sprung back as they dug into my skin, pain shooting through my arms. "Damn." I yelled angrily, pulling out the pieces of wood from my skin and staring in disbelief when the wounds simply healed. "What am I?" I asked absentmindedly, my eyebrows knitting together. This was one hell of a crazy night.

"Take an educated guess." Damon said sarcastically, brushing wood and dust from his clothes. "The strength, the speed, the thirst for blood." He murmured, standing close in front of me and playing with a strand of my hair as he grinned a self-righteous smile, displaying his elongated canines.

I chuckled without humor shortly and then stared at him with serious eyes. "You're kidding me, right?" Panic was fluttering in my chest again but I turned it off, fed up with my wild emotions.

"See for yourself." He whispered, staring past me at the limp form of Vicki. But she was no longer limp, instead she twitched and then stood up like she hadn't been dead a second before. "Welcome back to life, sweetheart." He sneered, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

"What happened and why do I feel so weird?" She asked, holding her head as she got up.

"You drank my blood and then I killed you." Damon explained, making it sound like he did this every day and I suddenly wondered whether that was the truth.

"Right." Vicki said, nonchalantly. "I think you should stop drinking and now I'm going to go home. I'm sick of your games." She walked out of the door and I simply stared at Damon, motioning towards her retreating form with my head.

He just shook his head and shouted after her. "You'll be feeling thirsty soon enough."

The door slammed and I was suddenly alone with this stranger that had turned me into what exactly? "So you're not stopping her." I noted, mirroring his posture as I crossed my arms before my chest uncomfortably.

"Nope." He drew out the word and walked back down stairs to fill a glass with the dark amber liquid of whiskey and handed me a glass as well. "You look like you could use a drink." He stated, coldly and as I sipped on the delicious liquid I realized that I couldn't stay with this man. My first instinct was to flee like Vicki but I felt like he would attack me if I did. He was dangerous and there was something in his eyes that told me he was a lost soul like me, that he would go down in flames and pull down whoever was close to him. I might have been a masochist in my last life but this was a new chance and I was going to use it well and keep my distance from my creator. "You will need to drink this." He told me, throwing a blood bag at me that I caught with ease. My brows furrowed as I looked at the red liquid in my hand, I was usually clumsy and couldn't catch anything even if my life depended on it.

"What happens if I don't?" I asked, looking up at him curiously.

He just raised his eyebrows at me and downed his drink in one gulp. "You die. It takes a while for you to die of thirst but eventually you do."

"Makes sense, I guess." I said, unsure of how to begin. I unplugged the bag and the scent nearly drove me wild but I was a bit better prepared this time as I started draining the bag eagerly and I tried to keep my composure as Damon handed me a second bag.

"You're… in control?" He asked, searching my eyes for a sign of the wild thirst that threatened to consume me and a bitter laugh escaped my lips when the next blood bag was empty.

"Hardly." I spat, plopping down on the couch. "More like in shock." I explained as we sat there in silence. "Vampires in Mystic Falls, who would have thought?"

Something close to an actual laugh escaped Damon's lips and he suddenly looked wildly attractive to me but I tried to convince myself that this was only the vampire voodoo feelings messing with my head. "Oh, you would be surprised." He chuckled, refilling my whiskey glass.

I stared at its contents and asked. "So I can still drink?"

"Sure, it can help quench the thirst but it always catches up with you in the end." He explained to me but then he hissed in frustration. "Now no more questions. I'm bored out of my mind and now we're stuck in this house until nightfall because I still don't have my bloody ring." He ranted, straddling my hips as he talked.

"You serious? We burn in sunlight?" I asked in amazement while he started kissing my neck, starting a new kind of fire within me. "Do we always feel this much?" I asked, pulling him towards my neck again when he tried to pull back.

He chuckled against my neck and his warm breath made me shiver but in a good way. "Yes, except when we turn it off but occasionally it's fun to feel." He whispered, capturing my lips in a searing kiss.

* * *

Maybe it was the fact that most of my feelings were turned off or maybe being a vampire made the experience better. Maybe Damon was just good in bed but for once I didn't start shaking after we were done. It didn't feel like the ghost of my past was taunting me the whole time but then again I wasn't feeling much at the moment only hunger and desire.

His fingers trailed across my back and I didn't mind at all as I lay there, sprawled across his perfectly chiseled chest. "Why were you with those junkies? You don't seem to fit in with those worthless, self-pitying fools." He noted, his voice soft and alluring. My body stiffened and I scooted off of him, staring into his calm face. "Are you not gracing my perfectly justified question with an answer?" He asked in amusement when I didn't speak for several moments.

I narrowed my eyes at his amused expression but grinned mischievously as I asked. "Why were you on a killing spree and hell bent on turning strangers?"

"That's easy." He scoffed, twirling a strand of my hair around his finger. "My brother decided to lock me up in the basement, I broke out and needed blood and entertainment." He said with a wicked wink.

I shook my head at him although it was strange that his own brother would do something like that to him but family had the habit to disappoint you the most. "That's not the real answer. The way I see it you enjoy getting into trouble so I guess your brother had good reason to lock you up."

His face became a mask of frustration and annoyance, which made me think that it was time to leave since it was getting dark outside. I got up and started dressing in Damon's shirt again, pulling on my socks and dark red, low cut boots since the rest of my clothes were covered in mud and dirt. Damon's arms encircled my waist a bit more tightly than necessary and he huskily whispered into my ear. "Well, then I guess you have more than one good reason to hide your body under baggy clothes and sleep with random guys."

"Haven't you heard that beauty can be a curse? Besides, I can do whatever I want." I said, coldly and pulled his arms off of me brutally. Twirling around to face him, I placed my hands on his chest and pushed him away from me and he flew back onto the bed. "I'm not going to let some man control my life." I screamed in defiance and stormed out of his house and out of his life, running away from the man who had turned me into a vampire.


	2. On the Run

**2 – On the Run**

I ran through the night, without getting tired but my hunger was constantly growing and I knew that I had to feed soon enough. There was no despair because I wasn't feeling anything at all, nothing but the rush of the wind on my face and the constant movement of my legs that pushed me further away from Mystic Falls, the town that I should have left long ago because it constantly reminded me of what I had lost. I needed to be far away from the house I used to live in with my parents, from Vicki, who could probably use my help because I was supposedly her only friend but I couldn't do it and most of all I was putting distance between me and Damon, the man that could possibly ruin my life even more than he already had.

I never asked to be turned into this kind of monster but if this was supposed to be some strange twist of fate that gave me a second chance at life then I would take it, no matter the cost. But I wasn't so sure how to handle this new trait of my personality as I came across some campers in the woods I was currently wandering through aimlessly. The scent of their blood was enticing and I smelt it when I was still several miles away from their campsite. I stepped into their line of sight and the crackling fire threw ghastly shadows across my face.

A young woman stepped up to me, a worried expression on her face as she set a hand on my forearm. "Honey, are you lost? Can we help you? Mike!" She called out and a man stepped out of the tent but before he reached us I was already tearing into his girlfriend's throat, sucking her dry because I was no longer able to control my urge to feed and to kill.

He screamed in horror as I turned on him, my mouth covered with blood. He didn't even see me coming, I moved so fast and broke his neck, sucking the sweet life essence from him without him struggling uselessly beneath me. Dropping his corpse, I stepped back and looked at the havoc I had brought upon their camping trip. I shouldered both of their bodies and threw them into the fire, knowing that bodies devoid of blood would arouse suspicions from the local deputies that would investigate the case of the missing couple.

I knew all of this but I felt none of the feelings I should be feeling. There was no guilt, no despair, only hunger. If I had looked into a mirror in that moment, I would have probably not recognized the person staring back at me. Not because of the fangs or the bloodshot eyes, but because of the thirst that took up every part of my being. I was no longer the broken girl that had been raped or the reckless girl I had been before all of the misery that had taken up my life over time, I was a vampire through and through with no room for anything else.

Roaming the land, I killed without caring or thinking about what I had done or whose family I had destroyed. There was only my bloodlust and I was letting it consume me because there was nothing else for me to do. I had left behind the life I had lead in Mystic Falls, though I wasn't even sure if you could call what I had had an actual life. It was more like I was going with the flow of what other people expected me to do, how they expected me to act.

It was not like I had been a respectable member of this town, more like an oddity really, but I still went along with their foolish ways and I didn't even understand why I had done it. What was my life worth without meaning? My only motive now was killing, living day by day, victim by victim. I didn't enjoy their screams, I wasn't a sick psychopath. I was nothing really, a machine that went by its instincts and I had to admit that it was easy to embrace my new nature but I wasn't sure if it was enough. Those kind of thoughts were banished from my mind immediately whenever they occurred. The blood was stronger than any spark of will I still had left to change my life but when I entered my first city my mentality was in need of a change from the wild beast I had let myself become to something more civil.

* * *

Craving a bit of civilization, I stole some clothing and dressed in simple blue jeans and a black tight fitting top with enough cleavage to lure in my next victim without much expense. I hated being bound to the night but there was no changing that at the moment. I steered into a bar and ordered some whiskey, paying the cute bartender with stolen money.

I sipped carefully on the golden liquid and took a look around to take in my surroundings. There were the usual drunkards at the bar, a group of college students enjoying themselves loudly and other couples that talked in hushed whispers. One of the college students locked gazes with me and I winked at him, feeling utterly foolish. Really, who winked at other people? It wasn't as lame as I thought because he came over and stood next to the booth that was across from me. "May I take a seat?" He asked, politely.

"Sure, I can't just send you back to your friends with nothing to talk about, can I?" I asked, suggestively while he sat down and a blush crept up on his face, making my hunger peak. I had to remind myself that we were in a public place and even though I was definitely stronger than him I couldn't jump him right here and now without arising unwanted attention. But then again, I could always kill all of the onlookers and have myself a nice feast, so what was I actually faking here?

"Well, then the least thing I can do is buy you a drink, right?" He asked nervously, waving at the bartender to refill my empty glass. "I'm Johnny by the way." His hand flew to his curly dark brown hair and he tugged at the strands, anxiously waiting for my reply. If I wasn't so bent on sucking him dry, I might actually consider him rather good-looking but right now the only attractive feature he had was that his veins were filled with the delicious fluid that kept me going.

"How about we go somewhere a little more private?" I suggested, successfully leaving his question considering my identity unanswered while my hand trailed along the inside of his leg before he nodded eagerly, incapable of forming any coherent words, and I withdrew my hand to down my glass in a quick motion. "Thanks for the drink." I told him while we left the bar and gave him a dazzling smile that felt wrong on my face because it meant nothing, there was no feeling in it.

He gave his friends a thumbs up behind my back when he thought I wasn't looking, which amused me in a strange sort of way. Now I would not have to worry about his friends missing his presence until he didn't return after a couple of days. I led him into an alley right next to the shabby bar we had been in and before he knew it I had him pushed up against the wall, kissing his lips softly.

You're not supposed to play with your food, I know, but I wasn't so sure how far that rule went with vampires. My sexual desire battled with my craving for his blood as I trailed a line of kisses down his jaw line and towards his neck but the sweet call of blood was too strong as his veins pulsated lively just beneath my lips and I could no longer hold back my canines anymore. My hand covered his mouth as I bit into his neck and soon enough he was so close to unconsciousness from the blood loss that he didn't even protest anymore.

* * *

A steely grip settled around my forearms and I was suddenly wrenched away from my prey. I sensed their presence now that I was no longer engrossed with bloodlust and turned to face these people like me. "She's a young one, Lee. Be careful." A cool blonde warned the man that was holding me in place as she stood before me, curiously studying my appearance. "No one ever taught you how to do this right." She noted, pointing towards the blood stains on my clothes.

I just shrugged since I didn't really care about whether I was making a mess or not. I hadn't even thought of it before. The woman before me turned her gaze onto poor, little Johnny who was cowering on the floor, unable to keep himself on his feet. I was surprised by my own cool behavior towards these strangers but they had the advantage of numbers so there would be no use in putting up much of a fight. My hunger was sated as well so the interruption was not quite as bad.

Her pupils dilated as she spoke to him. "You will not remember any of this. You two had a good time and in the morning she was gone." She told him and I was seriously questioning her sanity because he would hardly just do how he was told.

But his face was dazed and he answered in a hypnotic rhythm. "We had a good time and the next morning she was gone." She threw a shawl at him and he tied it around his neck, covering the gruesome wound, before he turned and walked away.

"How did you do that?" I asked in amazement, staring at his back while he walked presumably home.

She simply shook her head as she stared at the spots of blood on the wall. "How long have you been turned?" She asked, seriously.

I thought about it for a moment. Time meant so little to me lately that I didn't actually know so I went with what I thought was the truth, feeling obliged to answer her because something told me that she was stronger than me and she wasn't alone so I really didn't have a choice and she might just be able to tell me some interesting facts about my new lifestyle. "I'm not sure, maybe a month."

"Hmmm." She mused, turning her thoughtful gaze towards me. "Who turned you?" She asked simply but my whole body went rigid.

I didn't want to talk about this, I only wanted to forget the horrors of that night and I wanted to forget about his devilish smirk, forget how his beautiful face looked like. "Who's asking?" I retorted, coldly.

She laughed and her laughter was clear and bell like, not as hollow as his had been. She was a sane person and I shouldn't be acting like this towards her but somehow she hit a nerve when she asked me about things I had pushed from my mind. My emotions were bubbling wildly somewhere deep down and that's how I wanted it to stay.

"Turned it off, eh?" The guy who was still holding onto me asked.

"What's it to you?" I asked, defiantly. What did they want from me? Couldn't they just leave me alone? I had been doing just fine without any other vampires in my life, I was better off on my own and these two were ruining my night.

"Feisty, I like it though I would rather like your emotions turned on as well. My name is Lexi and this is Lee, my boyfriend." She said cheerfully and I felt relieved that she didn't feel put out by my behavior because she was sympathetic and maybe I was in fact tired of being alone.

I calmed myself down enough and said, cautiously. "Will you please let go of me then, Lee?" I craned my neck and saw him nod unwillingly before he loosened his grip on my arms. Rolling my shoulders, I said, calmly. "I'm Avery."

"Nice too meet you, Avery." Lee said, but I noticed how he threw a protective arm around Lexi's shoulders. He was still suspicious of me and I couldn't blame him. It was not like I had acted especially trustworthy.

"How about we help you a bit? You know, show you how to act inconspicuously and teach you all the perks of being like us." She suggested with a kind smile on her face.

A timid smile made its way across my lips and I nodded carefully. "That sounds alright. I don't want to be a bother though." I quickly added, looking over at Lee who didn't look quite as thrilled about this idea than his partner did.

Lexi nudged him and said. "Come on, Lee. It will be fun. You're still freshly turned yourself, you can relate to how confused she is."

His face was still grim but he nodded hesitantly. "Alright, let me show you where we're staying then."

I walked behind them hesitantly as we made our way through the night and they led me to an apartment that was large enough to hold another dozen of guests if they wanted to. They showed me where the blood bags were and that the windows kept out the deathly UV-rays so that I could walk around this apartment without a care in the world during the day, which pleased me vehemently. I hadn't felt the sun on my face for so long.

* * *

The next weeks were an amazing experience as we moved from city to city and they taught me all about compulsion and how you couldn't enter a house without permission. It was all very fascinating but through all our nights of going out and enjoying ourselves, they could never convince me to turn everything back on. But I knew that I wasn't the psychotic killer I had acted like for the last few months because every now and then the occasional stab of feeling would sneak its way into my heart. A bit of contentment here, a stab of joy there and a sprinkle of guilt now and then whenever the face of a victim would haunt me during the days that I spent inside.

Lexi and Lee were the first real friends I had had in a long time and I was thankful for their company. I had never known in how much dire need I had been of some friendliness until the very fortunate night I met them. Lee soon eased up to me when he realized that I didn't mean to harm them, I only wanted to live a happier life than I had been offered as a human. Didn't I deserve as much?

It was getting late and Lee had gone out to hunt while Lexi and I stayed at the musky bar we were currently drinking our souls out. "Why must you turn everything off?" She asked in a slurred voice, her hand tentatively stroking mine from across the table. "You're a decent girl and there's no need to push it all away. You feel safe with us, don't you?" She asked, her eyes round and shiny.

They were irresistible and I simply couldn't lie to her, not trusting her was harder than simply pouring my heart out to her, which might have been emphasized due to the immense amount of alcohol running through our veins. "I don't think it's turned off that much anymore, just dimmed." I told her truthfully, my forehead creasing as I pondered how I actually felt. There wasn't much going on inside me right now but there was a spark of emotion there.

"Is it because of us? Lee isn't still acting like a dick towards you, is he?" She asked and her face became grave for a moment before I violently shook my head to make her face ease into an encouraging smile.

"No, I'm very grateful to have you two around. I just don't know how to do this. To start over as if my past doesn't affect me anymore." I said, gloomily and downed the tequila shot before me.

"What is it that's making it too painful for you to feel?" Her face was a mask of concern and I allowed myself a moment of weakness, letting sadness take over.

"I don't want to be a burden for you and you'll pity me. I hate pity." I growled, clenching my hands into fists.

"I'll try not to pity you then, I'll only listen." She offered, covering my fists with her hands and looking up at me reassuringly.

I gave up, I could no longer hold it in. "Back in my home town everyone knows and they look at me like I'm a beaten puppy just because I was raped." I told her in a rush, watching her eyes widen in response and then narrow in dark wrath. "My mother died of cancer, my father drank away his sorrow and then an exceptionally dim bloke took advantage of me and I survived but my father decided to leave, thinking I would be better on my own than with him weighing me down as well." I finished the short version of my story, grimly staring down on our now joined hands. "Ever since I haven't been able to touch anyone but this is nice." I confessed, smiling down at her hands weakly.

"That's harsh." Lexi said, slowly and tightened her grip on my hands. "And now that you're a vampire all your emotions are just too much to handle." She whispered understandingly, drawing soothing circles onto the back of my hand.

"They were already too much for me as a human." I scoffed, grimacing at my past endeavors. "I really messed up my life. Drugs, alcohol, you name it and I've done it. I thought that this might be my second chance at life but the way I see it, I'm not having a very good start at it." I admitted, sullenly.

"Becoming what we are is a tough process and nearly impossible to come out of unscathed, especially when you're left alone by your creator." She said angrily, letting go of one of my hands to empty her shot glass as well.

"Yeah, that idiot. Who turns people just for the fun of it? Only a demon could do such a thing. Damon." I spat the name as if it was venom in my mouth. "Sounds like a downright demon to me."

"Wait, what did you say? Damon as in Damon Salvatore? You know the Salvatore brothers, Stefan and Damon?" She exclaimed in excitement.

"I'm not sure." I answered, hesitantly. Was that his last name? "It sounds familiar but I was too caught up in my own world to know what was going on in Mystic Falls at the time." I murmured, thoughtfully.

"Mystic Falls? That's where Stefan was headed, it has to be him. His brother is an idiot, I can't believe he's the one who turned you." She said exasperated, leaning back in the booth we were seating in to lay her head against the cushioned wood.

"How do you know them?" I asked curiously, trying very hard to ignore the twisting feeling in my gut that felt like someone was twisting a ragged blade in my abdomen.

She burst out laughing and her peals of bell like laughter made me smile just a little, despite all the personal matters we had been talking about. "I've been around for a long time, honey. Stefan is turning 162 next week and I was planning on visiting him. He's one of my best friends, which is rare among vampires because we're usually not very sociable."

"Makes sense." I uttered, panic finally settling in. Why was destiny pulling me back to that godforsaken town again? What were the odds that the two vampires that I joined were going to the very place I had fled from in a hurry? But now that I was a bit more used to the vampire lifestyle I was certain that I would be able to face it, maybe it would even be good for me because I could check up on Vicki and the other acquaintances I had in town. "Why did Damon do it? Why did he turn me?" I asked quietly, my voice slightly hysterical as I asked the one question that wouldn't leave me alone.

"I don't know. Nobody knows what goes on in that fucked up mind of his. His heart was broken in the past and ever since it has been his quest in life to hunt down Stefan and make him miserable. He's evil, I don't know what else to tell you." She tried to comfort me, her hand giving mine a slight squeeze.

I gaped in puzzlement and asked the first thing that came to my mind. "Who broke his heart?" I could hardly imagine what must have happened to transform him into the cold killer I had met.

"Katherine." Lexi snarled through clenched teeth. "She's the root of all disaster." She slurred, waving at the bar keeper to refill our drinks. "But I'm going to need another one if I'm going to tell you about that."

I nodded and was even more curious about what it was that had happened between the two brothers. One of them had changed my life rather drastically so I might as well dig up a little dirt about him, right? I remembered that Damon had told me something about his brother locking him up and even though I knew what it felt like to feel betrayed by your own family, I knew that this wasn't a normal relationship between brothers. The fact that their feud had survived the centuries was intriguing and I gladly emptied the short glass that was set before me together with Lexi.

"So there was this woman named Katherine, a vampire of course, with whom both brothers fell in love with deeply. They weren't aware of the fact that they were both dating the same woman at the same time but soon they were pitted against each other to dole over her attention. She told them of her predicament and since vampires were hunted creatures at the time, not a myth but reality, they vowed to keep her secret safe. Both of them drank their blood and in one fateful night they killed each other while she was sealed away in a tomb, never to see the light of day again." She ended dramatically with a wave of her hand. "Damon is still trying to get into that tomb and loathes his brother for too many reasons, I can't explain."

"That's harsh." I said gravely and we both chuckled as we remembered she had said this just moments before about my oh-so great story.

"Enough storytelling for today." She said, getting up and pulling me against her side. "But I'm glad you confided in me and hope you'll be accompanying me to pay our dear friends a visit."

I squirmed a bit beneath her touch and she repositioned her arm around my shoulders as we walked out of the bar and a queasy feeling set in, making my head feel as light as a feather. "I guess you leave me no choice." I told her, trying to put on a brave face but failing miserably, which didn't go unnoticed.

"Running away will do you no good, better to face your issues head on." She cheered, pumping her fist in the air before her face turned thoughtful again. "After all that alcohol it really shouldn't be possible but I'm starving. Mind going on a late night hunt?"

"I'd love to." I said happily since my throat was burning as well for some live prey.

* * *

We spent the following week, moving from place to place and the fact that we were getting closer to Mystic Falls with each passing day was making my nerves run haywire and I constantly fed myself in an attempt to calm my emotions but naturally it wasn't working.

"I'm not sure if it's actually possible but if you keep drinking so much blood, I'm sure you're going to burst like a red bubble soon enough." Lee said, peering over the edge of the book he was reading with slit like eyes as I emptied another blood bag. "You're not going to go on a killing spree, are you?" He asked carefully, his eyebrows shooting up.

"Why would I?" I barked, not willing to lead a conversation as I paced through the room.

With a sigh he put his book down and walked over to me to hold me in place. "You seem very uptight and you're making me nervous with all your jerky movements." He said seriously without actually making an accusation out of it. I could tell that he was trying to make me spill but even I didn't know why I was acting so strange, fueling their worry with my strange behavior.

He pulled me down onto the couch and I decided that striking up a conversation was my best option right now and maybe it would distract me enough to calm down for several moments. "What was it like for you to turn into a vampire?" I asked, randomly but I really was interested in his answer since he wasn't as old as Lexi who probably wouldn't be able to tell me much about her transformation since it had been centuries ago.

"Stressful, of course. But I knew what I was getting myself into and I would do anything for Lexi. I don't know what you want to hear." He admitted, his eyes twinkling with amusement.

I twiddled with the hem of my shirt for a moment before I asked, soberly. "I mean… How did it change your personality?"

He was silent for several moments before he replied. "I think I'm pretty much the same as before only that some traits that I had as a human stand out more prominently than others."

I hissed in frustration. "How can you say that? Our top priority will always be to yearn for blood and you're trying to tell me that that doesn't change things. That that doesn't change who you are." I exclaimed angrily, letting my pent up emotions get the better of me.

Lee's hand stretched out helplessly but I batted it away and held up a finger to tell him that I needed a moment. Taking deep breaths, I controlled the anger and locked it back up. "We're different." Lee murmured softly. "But that doesn't mean we have to be evil creatures of the night that stalk innocent virgins." He joked lightly, actually making me chuckle. "Seriously, it might take years but you'll learn to live with the hand you've been dealt."

"This will sound incredibly cheesy but currently I really don't know who I am." I said, waiting for him to laugh at me but he didn't, he only gazed at me with his serious dark gaze and nodded, waiting for me to continue. "Do I go back to being a wreck or do I try to go back to the person I used to be before my life got tilted at an odd angle?"

"What were you like before your world was turned upside down?" He asked with a kind smile on his face as he leaned back into the cushion of the couch, his arms crossed behind his head.

I laughed quietly, trying to remember life as it used to be. It all seemed so blurry because my human memory wasn't as clear as my enhanced senses now. "I was ambitious and reckless, never caring what other people thought of me, though I think that never changed." We both chuckled softly as I pondered how to describe myself best to a stranger, someone who hadn't known me back then. "I was empathic and brave, always sticking up for those who were picked on in class or who just needed a shoulder to cry on. There was never really a boyfriend in my life, I was a bit naïve and shy in that corner."

Lee's eyes widened as he looked at me in mock horror. "So becoming a vampire has made you into the man devouring incubus you are now? Shame on you."

"Oh, shut up." I told him, punching his side lightly.

"But seriously, Grayson, you're quite fit and you're telling me that there were no guys wagging your tails at you? Go figure." He scoffed, slapping my shoulder gruffly.

My eyebrows knitted together as I murmured. "I was always focused on cheering up my father and if losing the one you loved meant that you had to suffer the way he did, I figured it would be better to let it be at the time."

He looked at me like he was seriously questioning my sanity. "You've never been in love?" He asked, dumbly.

"Maybe, I've crushed on someone before but other than that not really. There just wasn't room for it in my life." I tried to find a decent excuse that didn't make me sound like some prudent girl who didn't believe in love.

"You still have so much to learn, honey." Lexi's voice came from the doorway as she came home from her newest coup to rob a blood bank and fill up our dwindling supplies. She kissed Lee tenderly and then filled up our cooler, saying. "Being a vampire will give you loads of time to fall in and out of love as much as you want."

"Eternity." I whispered, not fully grasping what that word actually meant. "Sounds like a hell lot of time to find whatever it is I'm looking for." I mumbled, unplugging another blood bag distractedly.

"That's what second chances are about." Lexi said, playfully. But somehow I couldn't get the concept into my head of simply starting over and getting on with my life. What did I want to do with my life?

Ever since I had left school, I never actually decided on that matter because I was busy destroying my body and soul, feeling sorry for myself. Would I go to college as a vampire? Was that even possible? There were still so many places I wanted to see and interesting people I might meet so why not grasp this chance and make it worth something. Physically I was pretty much as indestructible as you could get so why not put it to good use? Maybe I just wasn't capable of living a normal life and trying to be happy, maybe I truly was the useless masochist people thought I were.

It just might be time to prove them wrong.


	3. 162 Candles

**3 – 162 Candles**

The day we left for Mystic Falls, Lexi gave me her spare daylight ring which symbolized just how much they trusted me after this short time and I couldn't help but to feel honored and greatly relieved to finally be able to walk outside in the sunlight. Lee wasn't going with us because he had no business in the sleepy town and rather waited for us in the motel we were currently staying in.

I slipped on the bulky ring and smiled down at it as I stepped out of the car, enjoying the air on my face and the sunrays beating down from the clouded skies. "Happy to be back?" Lexi asked next to me and I flinched involuntarily as I was reminded of where we had arrived by now. It shouldn't be so hard to walk back into the town you had lived in your entire life but the truth was that it was probably the hardest thing I had ever done. But Lexi was right there beside me and everything was going to be alright as long as I was with her, I hoped.

Lexi noticed my discomfort and patted my arm before she walked up to the house that I swore to myself I would not step inside even if my life was on the line. "I'm going to clean some things out of my apartment while you surprise Stefan." I informed her, once again trying to smile but it just wouldn't work.

I sighed in frustration and Lexi turned around on the threshold, looking at me with concerned eyes. "Will you be alright?"

"Have to." I mumbled and ran away from the scene at vampire speed, before any further questions could be asked because I really didn't feel like talking. I wanted this day to be over soon but somehow I knew that my wish wouldn't be granted and that it would seem endless to me.

* * *

Walking down the familiar street I had lived in was strangely surreal. As a vampire I didn't fit into the life I had lead and when I tried to step into my apartment I realized just how true that was when an invisible barrier kept me from placing my feet inside. I cursed under my breath and rang the bell. It wasn't even necessary to compel the owner to let me in because he knew me and invited me inside after I told him I had lost my keys. He didn't ask any further questions when I paid him the rent of the last months and told him to give the room to someone else. That was all he cared about and an uneasy feeling settled down on my being that I was not welcome here anymore.

After that, I threw most of my things in several bags and wanted to escape the room soon since I felt like I was suffocating from the memories that stuck to the walls like a constant reminder of the fact that I was no longer human and never would be again.

I quickly changed into some new clothes, black jeans, grey heels and a maroon top, pulled on a black cardigan and headed towards the exit, away from this pit of jagged stones that was making me feel raw and ready to break down any minute. What was I going to do with my life? I couldn't stay with Lexi and Lee forever because I felt like I was raining on their parade and they would need some time alone but at the same time I had nowhere else to go and no one else to turn to.

A presence by the door made me stop dead in my tracks only to be faced with the one person I did not want to see at all right now. "Damon." I greeted him, my tone as lifeless as I had ever heard it in my life as I took in his arrogant posture. He leaned against the doorframe with his arms crossed before his chest, dressed all in black with a leather jacket thrown across his shoulder and I cursed myself inwardly for not closing it behind me but that wouldn't have stopped him either way.

He strolled into the room as if he owned the place and placed his jacket on the rickety chair before my desk. "You just couldn't stay away from me, could you?" He mused, coming to a stand right in front of me with only a hairsbreadth of room separating our bodies from touching. "Avery." He drew out my name and my face grew blank as he snickered. "Yes, I know all about you from your little friend. Not the best person to tell your secret if you asked me." His hands latched themselves onto my hips and I couldn't move as I stared into his eyes that were devoid of any emotion. Was this what I was becoming? A heartless monster that spoke of my past as if it was a joke to him.

"The entire town knows of my predicament. You don't need to be Sherlock Holmes to find that out but guess what, I know about you and your little ménage à trois." I teased him, trying to hold my ground but I knew that the ice beneath my feet was growing quite thin. But after all that had happened I wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of knowing that it was messing with my head that he knew. Once someone knew your darkest of secrets, they looked at you in a different manner and I didn't even want to imagine the thoughts roaming around in Damon's head.

"Hmmm… so you came here with Lexi, who told you all about my human life in Italy. Good for you." He sneered, his fingers digging into my skin painfully. I didn't know what I was expecting but it certainly wasn't the wild kiss Damon placed on my lips whilst he pulled me up and wrapped my legs around his hips. My body responded before I decided that going along with his games wasn't something I was looking forward to. We broke apart with a small, surprised gasp from my side when my back hit the wall and he slammed my head against the wall, drawing blood before he snarled. "You're only alive because I find you entertaining but don't think that I won't kill you if you ever mention Katherine again."

He roughly pushed my legs back down to the floor and I simply smirked. "That's more like what I had expected of my wonderful creator." I said sarcastically as I examined the back of my head which was already healed again.

"Oh, so now you want to team up with me?" He muttered darkly as he pulled on his leather jacket and went over to the door to leave. His face was kept carefully neutral but I thought I caught a glimpse of protectiveness on his face when I called him my creator, which suited him well. In his eyes, I probably wasn't allowed to live this supernatural life he had given me in any way I wanted, he would try to use me and I wasn't going to let that happen. I meant it when I had told him that no man would have control over me anymore, not him or my father or Bryan or anyone else who thought they could tame me.

"No, I'm just reassuring myself that there's nothing in this town that's worth missing." I said thoughtfully as I brushed my fingers along the spines of my books in their shelves, not at all fussed by his violent reaction. If I wasn't feeling so vulnerable because I was standing inside the sanctuary of my humanity, I would have reacted the same to his jabs. But right now I just felt empty and incapable of dealing with the situation at hand.

"You'll miss me soon enough." He said before he left, back to his cocky self but I was only too aware of how volatile the nature of his moods were and I hurried out of the remainder of my human life to find Lexi so that we could get out of this rotten town.

* * *

Scanning the immense crowd at the Grill, I instantly grew tense since I hated crowds, especially when they were staring at me like I was the walking dead, which I was but they didn't know that. I was suddenly encircled by a pair of arms and pulled into a tight hug by someone and my whole body went rigid. The delicious smell of blood that clung to every moving form was not helping to ease my anxiety and I was glad that I had overfed myself the last week to prepare for this. The person released me quickly and Jeremy mumbled a quick apology. "Sorry, Avery. I know that you have this no touching rule but after all that's happened I'm so happy to see you safe again. How's Vicki?" He asked, a gentle smile on his face.

"It's okay. You just shouldn't sneak up on me like that though." I told him, giving him a light hug before pulling back again to look up at him in confusion. "Why would I know how Vic is doing? I thought she was here."

"But you both left town together and I just thought that you would stick together but I guess I was wrong. How come you're back?" He asked, pulling me to a table where some of his friends were sitting.

"Just picking up some things, tying up loose ends. I left in quite a hurry and now I just want to move on properly." His face dropped and I quickly offered. "You look better, I'm glad you're no longer hitched." I told him with a small smile. Somehow I didn't want him to be hurt by something I did, it seemed silly to me that he should be affected at all by my absence but it was heartwarming at the same time. At least somebody in this town thought about me in a friendly manner.

"Yeah, it's better this way. You look good as well, stunning actually." He offered, waving a hand up and down like it was obvious. Usually, I would have reacted badly to the compliment because I didn't just want to be good-looking to someone, I wanted them to see me for what I was or not see me at all. Yet, his compliment was innocent and actually kind of sweet because I knew that he didn't consider me in that way. To him, I was just the friend of his crush by whom he could get to the girl he desired easier. I didn't mind him using me to get to know Vicki because there was no deception in the way he acted, it was clear to both of us that we weren't exactly friends or anything else for that matter.

"That's cute of you. Maybe I'll see you around." I told him before I leaped after a trail of long blonde hair I had just seen a second ago. I weaved through the thrums of people that were gathered here to party and felt very uncomfortable with all the physical contact. Maybe I would never get used to that but it appalled me to be touched by people I didn't know or cared for. There was nothing wrong about that.

"There you are." Lexi exclaimed as I finally made my way through to her at the bar. "You won't believe the things that are going on in this town, aside from supposed animal attacks my dear friend Stefan is in love with a mortal, a Gilbert nevertheless, who is the spitting image of Katherine." She explained in a rush, handing me a glass of whiskey, which I took approvingly. She knew my taste by now.

"You mean Elena?" I stated slowly, trying to process the wild information she was throwing at me about vampire attacks and revived ex-girlfriends. "So they look similar, what's the big deal?"

"They don't look alike." Lexi exclaimed, as though I wasn't getting her point, which I obviously wasn't. "They are like twins, exactly the same."

"But she's human so they can't be the same person, right?" I offered, taking a sip from my glass. But it was still puzzling that Elena, who I hardly knew, would look exactly like someone from Stefan's past. This was more than just coincidence and I was sure that I wouldn't like to find out that my boyfriend was only intrigued with me because I looked like someone he had loved. That was something that I'm sure I couldn't tolerate because what was his affection worth when it was based on a similarity to his past lover?

She just grumbled something intelligently and dragged me across the room again over to the pool tables. "Stefan, Avery. Avery, Stefan." She introduced us and I could tell that she was still deep in thought about what this all meant in the big picture but I really couldn't care less about who was dating who and for what reason. But there was something I wanted to know and maybe Stefan had the answer for me.

"What happened to Vicki? Is she alright?" I blurted out as we shook hands and by the way he fidgeted around uncomfortably I could tell that something wasn't right. Something was horribly wrong because he couldn't look me in the eye and if my heart was still beating it would be drumming in my chest with the speed of a hummingbird's wings.

"She's dead. I killed her." He admitted, looking around if anyone was listening to us as he went on to say. "She was out of control and attacked Elena and Jeremy, I had to stop her." His eyes were pleading with me but my fists were already balled at my side and if it wasn't for Lexi's cool hand slipping into mine, I wasn't sure what I would have done.

"What?!" I gasped, my face a mask of uncontained fury. This wasn't what I had expected to hear and I couldn't understand what was happening. How had I survived this long whilst Vicki didn't even last a month? I shouldn't have abandoned her. Sorrow took over as I realized that after all the times I had told myself that we weren't real friends, her death took its toll on me and I knew that I had actually cared about her. How could her death be so meaningless to these people? My feelings started boiling up beneath my skin and there was no stopping them as they erupted like a volcano.

Lexi whispered into my ear urgently. "Not here, not now. You better get out of here and perhaps take a walk." Mechanically, I did what she told me and briskly walked out of the packed Grill and as soon as I was sure that no one was watching me anymore I started to run, desperate to get away from this nightmare and these terrible people that killed one of the only people I had learned to care about.

A sarcastic voice in my head reminded me of the humans I had killed in my bloodlust and grief tore through me so powerfully that I crumpled to the forest floor, writhing in pain. Guilt, despair and self-hatred washed through me and it felt like my head was about to explode as I attempted to pull myself up with the help of a nearby tree. I didn't want to fall apart but Vicki was gone forever and I couldn't help but feel that it was partially my fault.

I leaned against the tree heavily and was confused to find black spots looming across my vision and my hands clutched at the bark of the tree behind me so I wouldn't topple over as everything grew to be too much. Stars were dancing across my vision and nothingness finally pulled me under and I welcomed the hollow feeling of unconsciousness, my body's first instinct to escape this mess.

* * *

Only several moments must have passed before I woke up again feeling a bit more in control than I had in a long while. Sometimes you had to break apart into tiny pieces so that you could mend again by putting together what had once been yourself bit by bit, which was what I was planning on doing after I ripped out Stefan's throat. My feet carried me back to the Grill and I let my emotions run wild inside me though I stayed contained and composed on the outside. There was anger and more than a bit of hurt but other than that I didn't feel quite as overwhelmed as before. My emotions were strong but my mind was powerful as well and I felt like I could deal with what was going on. I was going to prove to myself that I could do this. I could be turned into a monster and I would make the best of it, regardless of my past mistakes and my present inhuman cravings. My ambition to prove myself before these worthless killers ran high and I had to remind myself to keep my feelings in check in this public place.

"In the end, I believe that love will always prevail." I overheard Lexi say as I entered the Grill and followed the sound of her voice to find her standing with Elena, who looked very thoughtful as she bid her goodbye. Lexi nodded towards Stefan who mouthed a thank you towards her with a nod towards Elena and she just smiled knowingly.

"Lexi." I said, causing her to turn around startled when my hand grasped her shoulder from behind.

"Avery, what have you done?" She exclaimed, pointing at my hair. "You are covered in dust and are those leaves in your hair?" She laughed and I was unsure of what to say as she plucked the first one out of my hair, but a small smile appeared on my face despite the turmoil raging inside me as she shook her head at me. She had a way of cooling me down that I could never understand.

"Enjoying yourselves, ladies?" Damon joined into the nonexistent conversation, my face grew rigid again but right now it wasn't him that I was angry with, it was his brother so it was a bit easier to tolerate his presence but obviously Lexi didn't agree with me.

Lexi's mood soured and she glowered at him while she spoke in a dangerously low tone. "What do you really want in Mystic Falls, Damon?"

He swirled the liquid in his glass around as he spoke with that haughty assurance of his. "Just a devilish master plan, of course." My eyes narrowed again and I couldn't believe that I actually thought Stefan was the worst of this unlikely pair of brothers because Damon was definitely up to no good and I wanted no part in all of this. I actually felt that this was the right time to leave because all this drama was giving me a headache and the intoxicating smell of blood that was strong in the room reminded me of my cravings.

I was about to speak when I was pushed away from her by some gruff police officers that injected her with vervain, momentarily stunning her as they dragged her out of the bar. Damon walked out with the police officers and I was shell-shocked by the sudden turn of events.

My gaze locked with Stefan's and I was over at his side in a moment, snarling. "What the hell is going on?" Surely he had to know something about what his dear brother was up to.

His face was grim as he searched for a route of escape. "I don't know." Why were these people so hell bent on destroying each other over a girl no less? It all seemed ludicrous to me and I was desperate to get Lexi back and if necessary drag her away from this wicked place, if she didn't agree with accompanying me voluntarily.

Not waiting for him to come up with a brilliant plan, I stormed out of the back door and into the night just in time to watch Damon stake Lexi, my world crashing down on me momentarily as I saw the gray lines appear on her face, indicating that she was dead. But that couldn't be possible because she was almost four centuries old and Damon did not even breach two yet so how could he be strong enough to put an end to her existence?

I stood frozen as I watched the scene unfold before me, leaning against the wall for support as Stefan an Elena came out of the door I had just come out of. Stefan tackled his brother down to the ground, obviously furious but my eyes were glued to Lexi's corpse that fell to the ground carelessly in their brawl. Kneeling down next to her, I reached out to touch her but I pulled my hand back in the last moment, unable to touch her graying skin.

"How could you, Damon? I've had enough of you killing whoever you want." Stefan roared and was about to stake him when a female hand wrapped around his wrist, stopping the movement in mid air.

"Don't do this." Elena pleaded, trying to move his hand but incapable of budging it even a bit with her ridiculous human strength. Pushing myself up from the ground, I decided to intervene although I felt numb and useless right now as I stepped over Lexi's dead body.

"How can you still defend him? I don't want to hear it, Elena, just stay away from me." Stefan yelled at her as I wrenched the stake from his hand, making him turn on me. His eyes were wild with grief and fury and I decided that I preferred him being the softie that he was, holding an animal blood diet. Even though I was young, I was pretty sure that I was strong enough to take him anytime.

"I just want to protect you." Elena whimpered behind him but his eyes were trained on mine. Something like revelation flashed in his eyes as he looked at the stake that I turned around nervously in my hands. This was the weapon that could kill me the second and last time? It didn't look like much but what had I expected? Well, just a tad of magic or something with a bit more supernatural flair than a slightly enhanced, wooden stick would not have been too much to ask for, right?

Pinning down his brother, he gestured for me to step up to him and shouted. "So you want to kill him. You have every right, go ahead." I blinked in surprise at his twisting thoughts and examined the gorgeous man that was lying beneath his brother and looking up at me in curiosity. My teeth clenched when a lopsided grin formed on his face. He thought that I wasn't capable of killing him, that perhaps I thought that I somehow owned him for turning but I owed him nothing and it wasn't out of charity that I lowered the stake to my side, no longer poised in attack but standing there in defeat.

Some part of me probably wanted Damon dead but Lexi's corpse reminded me of how heavy death weighed down on your soul, a soul I had thought I had lost as a vampire but it was still there. I shook my head in dismay and handed the stake back to Stefan, knowing there was nothing I could do to stop him from doing what he thought was best. I deeply believed that everyone had to make their own choices and live with them afterwards. "I'm not going to stop you but I know you'd regret it for the rest of your existence. He's of your blood and Lexi wouldn't want this as much as she despised him herself." I noted in a monotonous voice and as I thought of Lee and the trek I still had to make to him, I mumbled. "You're not in the position to decide whether he deserves to die or not."

Whirling around, I stood over Lexi's body once more and removed the ring from her finger even though I felt disgusted by the feel of her wasted skin and the dead look in her eyes. I closed her eyes with my fingers, wiping them on my jeans furiously to remove the death from my hands that I felt sticking on the places where I had touched her.

With a glance towards the Salvatore brothers, I watched as the stake descended and plunged into Damon's chest but even from my angle I saw that it wasn't a deathly blow, a wave of relief washed through me that I couldn't explain. At least Stefan had proven himself the brother worthy of Lexi's adoration now and maybe I would be able to accept the fact that he had killed Vicky someday but that day wasn't tonight and I had to get out of here now. Maybe there was still some hope left for the vampires in this town but I wasn't going to stick around and watch how things unfolded.

* * *

This town felt cursed, every time I came here tragedy occurred and I felt better as soon as I had left the outskirts of town. Taking my time, I made my way back to the motel where Lee was waiting impatiently for the love of his life to return. What a bummer it would be when it was only me, someone he had only met a couple months ago.

I wondered why Damon hadn't used me for this plan of his although I was grateful to be alive, but I dreaded what I was about to do now and how it would affect my life. For the sake of Lexi's memory, I would not let Damon involve me in his master plan or use me for his entertainment. I would stay clear of Mystic Falls and its crazed inhabitants that were waging a war on each other that I wanted no part in.

The door to our room was open and when I stepped inside there was no one there. I sat down on the bed and waited patiently for Lee to return from his hunting trip, trying to form some kind of speech in my mind to tell him. I tried and failed to find the right words to tell him the piece of news that would shatter his heart and torment his soul as I clenched my fists around her ring that felt like it was burning a hole into my palm.

How bitter would he turn when he found out that his eternity would be devoid of the person he had decided to become immortal for. Tears started leaking from my eyes that I hadn't known I was holding back but Lexi deserved each one of them. She wasn't an angel by far but she was the one person that had swooped down and saved me from staying in a condition where I only killed and followed my instincts. Somehow she had saved my life and I had failed her miserably.

Lee found me curled up in a ball on the double bed that he would have shared with her and his feeble attempts at comforting me only made me cry harder. I didn't deserve his sympathy, he should hate me for coming back alone.

"You turned it back on. Lexi was right, going to Mystic Falls brought you back to your senses." He mused, patting my back tentatively.

I fled from his warm hand and stood in front of the bed, finally able to contain the sobs that threatened to tear their way across my lips. "She's dead." I cried out, angrily. The fact that he was amused by my crying made my anger flare, my emotions were back now but what about Lexi?

Lee only stared at me in confusion and tried to grab the top of my arms but I backed away from him, my hands shaking as I looked into his dark, concerned orbs. "Who's dead? What happened? What's wrong with you?" He asked in frustration as I kept backing away from him.

"Lexi's dead, Damon killed her and I couldn't save her. Why couldn't I save her?" I sobbed, sliding down the wall I had backed up against in misery.

He suddenly kneeled down before me and shook me violently. "What are you saying? It can't be true, please tell me that you're lying." He pleaded, tears brimming in his eyes.

My hand thrust out abruptly and opened up to reveal her ring. He picked it up delicately and sat down in front of me as I clutched the sides of my skull with my hand and tried to stop the tears from falling as I cradled my head on my knees. "I'm so sorry." I said in a barely audible whisper but I knew he had heard me.

"You don't have to be. It's not your fault." His voice was so tight that I had to look up even if that meant that I might see something in his eyes that I couldn't bear to see. Her ring had slipped from his hands and now lay on the floor before where he stood, his entire body convulsing with anger. The blinding hatred that twisted his features into an inhuman mask no longer resembled the Lee I had met a few months ago. He held his fists tightly against his body but they twitched violently as if he was trying to keep himself from lashing out at me.

I don't think that I would have held him to it for long if he actually had beaten me to a pulp right now because I didn't know what I would do if our positions were reversed. Getting up slowly, I waited for him to move again from his statue like condition. He held still for several agonizing moments, in which I felt more helpless and useless than I had ever felt before, a moment frozen in time with both of us immobile except for the tremors that rocked his body. I didn't know what to do and I might have just offered him to use me as his punching bag if he hadn't moved in that instant.

I watched in wonder as he started demolishing the room we were staying in and I let him vent his emotions into the destruction of the furniture until all was beaten to bits and he stood among the wreckage, his breathing coming rapidly in ghastly rasps. Wretchedly, he fell on his knees and let out a heartbreaking wail that made me want to lie down on the street and wait for the next oncoming car if only I could end his suffering.

Approaching him like the caged beast he was at the moment, I took each cautious step and waited for a reaction from him but none came. He only sat there, shaking and weeping. When I was right next to him he jumped up and ran, faster than I had ever seen him run. I took after him and pursued him, knowing that I would hate myself if I didn't help him.

This wasn't weakness and I wasn't betraying my own words when I let his anguished soul lead me past winding roads, leaping over crossroads and moving faster and faster as I chased him, our speed making it impossible for the human eye to glimpse our moving forms as we ran through the night. It was Lexi's legacy that kept me moving even when I felt that I had lost him somewhere between the twists and turns he took to keep me from tracking him. She helped me out of a hole that I had buried myself in and now I was going to return the favor.

I would be damned if I let Lee run straight into his own demise, standing by passively as his soul was tainted by losing the one he loved.

* * *

My next few weeks were horrible and I was constantly tracking Lee in some bar or strip club or just some alley where he was lying drunk and totally out of it. Had I been like this the last years when I was a druggie? The sight was heart wrenchingly wrong and it tore at my soul to see him like this after I had got to know him as a kind, gentle person and now he was this rough and brutal man who hated the world for what it had robbed him of.

My words failed to reach him and I felt like I was fighting a losing battle but still I stayed by his side no matter how hard he tried to push me away, bruising my arms or waist in the process. Thanks to my fluctuating diet of blood they usually vanished in a day or two but I felt so tired and exhausted. It seemed strange to me that in theory my body was so much stronger than that of a human but still whenever I laid in my bed to catch my breath I felt like I couldn't move a single muscle anymore and felt even weaker than I had as a human.

There was no time to deal with my own cravings or feelings because I was constantly guarding Lee from doing something he would regret but I wasn't sure how long I could continue with this routine because he didn't want me around and there was only so much that I could force upon him. I missed Lexi's steadfast nature so much and I knew that she would know exactly what to do but she wasn't there.

Watching Lee's state deteriorate was horrible but I couldn't leave him, no matter how hard it was to watch him and know that he wouldn't listen to me and didn't care whether I was there or not. Maybe one day he would wake up and be a bit more optimistic about the future and let me take care of him but up until then I would stay, ready to listen if he felt like talking even if it took weeks, months or years. I had all of eternity, right?


	4. Bloodlines

**4 – Bloodlines**

With a loud sigh, I pushed open the door to our hotel room with my foot, supporting the drunken form of Lee. I dumped him onto the bed and entered the bathroom where I was storing the blood bags, picking up two I returned to Lee who was now sitting up on the bed. His head was cradled in his hands and his elbows were propped up on his knees as he growled. "Why are you still here? Why don't you just leave me alone?"

"I can't help it when you're too stubborn to accept my help." I sighed, sitting down next to him and handing him one of the blood bags. I turned the other one around in my hands, wondering whether I was actually craving at the moment or just drinking out of habit.

We both sucked the bags clean and the silence that ensued was crushing and awkward, but there were no words that came to my mind to fill the gap between us and I feared that I would never be able to close it again. I didn't understand him anymore and wasn't sure if I could keep watching him destroy himself with no goal in life. Another deep sigh escaped my lips as I got up and trudged to the bin, dropping the remains of the blood bag into it.

I stood in the middle of the room, unsure of what to do next. Would I sit back down next to him quietly? My thoughts were emptied right out of my head when Lee grabbed my hand and pulled me down next to him, flipping me over so that he was hovering above me. I stared at him helplessly, his hands pinning down my wrists next to my head. "Lee?" I uttered in confusion, trying to find out what was going on in his head. There was no emotion in his eyes, only dull determination, no twinkle of amusement that his dark orbs used to hold for me.

Before I could gasp out his teeth dug into the skin of my neck and his body crashed against mine, making me feel like I was suffocating. He drank from my neck for a second and then went on to kiss my neck, his hand went down to my sides to push up my shirt. Panic instantly took over, making me push him off of me and dash across the room. All I was able to conjure was a hysterical whisper. "I know you're hurting, Lee, but I'm very sure that there is a societal code about sleeping with the boyfriend of your dead friend." My body shook uncontrollably as my memory of Bryan was somehow mingled with Lee's assault and I felt sick to my stomach because this was utterly and completely wrong.

Instead of pursuing me, he sat up and sighed heavily. I realized that the blood I had given him had sobered him up and that made his affectionate outburst even more puzzling. For a moment, I was glad that he was acting more like himself but then the most horrible words left his mouth, slicing right through me. "Sorry, It's just that you were there and beautiful and I could use some fun. It's not like you would mind." Where had his compassion gone?

"Yeah, because I'm a heartless jerk that you can just do whatever you want with." I mumbled evenly, shocked by his words. Was that how he saw me? I knew that he wasn't himself but this just hurt too much and I wouldn't let him push me around anymore. "I thought I could do this but I was wrong."

I turned to the door but Lee was there blocking my way. "I'm sorry, please don't go. I need you." He told me desperately but how could I believe him? My head drooped down, my gaze turned onto my shoes and I suddenly felt trapped in this situation. I couldn't just let him down because Lexi had kept on believing in me even when I had refused to turn my emotions back on so I had no right to give up on Lee for the mistakes he made.

The ringing of his phone kept me from actually deciding on what to do and I stayed rooted in place as I listened to the short conversation.

"Hello, who's there?" Lee snapped, impatiently.

"It's Bree." A woman answered on the other side of the line and I didn't recognize her voice. "He's here." The line went dead and I was completely confused. What was going on?

"Who's Bree?" I asked in the following silence, hoping that the answer might bring about some kind of revelation about what was going on.

"A witch." He barked at me and my eyes felt like they were about fall out of my skull they were so wide. "I'm going to Georgia." Lee stated and there was a strange fire kindling in his dark eyes and I had a bad feeling about all of this. He stormed out of the door and I dashed after him, unwilling to let him ruin his life just like that because whatever he was planning it couldn't be good.

"What the hell do you want in Georgia?" I screamed as I fell behind slowly, inwardly cursing myself for not taking better care of my feeding habits as I felt myself grow weaker and the burning of my hunger grow stronger.

"To settle a score." Lee said and his voice was deathly even, making me despair even more. What could he possibly mean and when had he set up this plan behind my back? I felt utterly betrayed by the man I had tried to take care of the past few weeks, who obviously wasn't the same man anymore I felt bound to protect. The Lee I knew would have told me what he was going through and would consider the turmoil of my feelings as well. Instead he took advantage of my good will and my belief that he would pull through this.

* * *

My feet hardly carried me anymore but I knew that if I didn't catch up with him I would blame myself for whatever damage he would inflict in this wild state of mind. It was a good thing that I was so trained to track him down, otherwise I would have never been able to find the bar he was headed for. The location he was so determined to get to confused me even more because if he wanted to go to a bar there were tons of bars between where we had been and where I was standing now. So who was here that he would run hundreds of miles to see?

Lexi had mentioned that our daylight rings were magically enhanced but I had never thought about who had bewitched them until now. Lee had said that this Bree was a witch and I wondered what else was out there that I had no idea existed. Would goblins and leprechauns come jumping around the corner soon? My entire human life felt like a joke to me, I had been so oblivious to my surroundings. How could I have ever considered myself perceptive?

I took several moments to catch my breath as I stood before the wooden structure that held the bar where Lee was probably drowning his sorrow with this old friend of his. But when he came outside with a struggling Elena in his clutch, my desperate hope diminished that he was going to this bar to drink. No, he had completely different reasons to come here and I was only beginning to realize how wrong I had been about him.

He wasn't in the process of recovering but had rather been planning his revenge. How could I have been so blind? I was still the naïve, little girl that believed deep down we all had a good core but I would not let myself be mislead again. Those days were over now I decided while I followed Lee around the edge of the building, keeping to the shadows.

"Careful, Damon." Elena shouted just as he rounded the corner. Realization dawned on me as I watched Lee beat him up with a baseball bat, the sickening crunch of bones breaking reverberating through the night, and doused him with gasoline. This was what Lee had been waiting for and vengeance gleamed inside his eyes making his once kind face turn into an ugly mask of hatred as he lit a match.

"Don't hurt him." Elena pleaded and I suddenly wondered what it was she actually wanted. She kept protecting this Salvatore brother while she dated the other and she probably wasn't even aware of her double standards. I didn't reveal myself yet because I wasn't sure if I had the right to prevent Lee from killing Damon. It was his call but it didn't feel right but maybe my mind was just playing tricks on me. I was becoming rapidly drained and soon I would be too tired to intervene. There was not much room for hesitation right now.

While I pondered which fate I would be choosing by whatever it was I would do, Lee growled at Elena and snarled. "He killed her, he killed Lexi and he deserves to die." I understood his reasoning but I wanted to believe that there was more to him than these ill feelings and that he wouldn't go through with this.

Curiously, I watched Elena try to convince him to stop. "I only knew Lexi for a day but I know that she was good and that she wouldn't want you to act like this, you're better than he is." She said, desperately and I almost felt jealous when Lee's hand twitched and the match flickered in his hand but the mad twinkle of vengeance in his eyes was still there and I stepped to his side, knowing that he was close to a turning point. A stab of betrayal tore at my heart that I should not be the one to put him back on track but instead it was a petty human that reached him even though she didn't know him like I did. I pushed those hurtful thoughts aside and focused on my goal, which remained unchanged nonetheless.

"Lee, look at me." I said quietly and he obeyed, desperation shining in his eyes. He was so close to ending the life of the one man who had taken everything from him but I knew that this would tear him apart. The Lee I knew and had learned to like would no longer exist if I couldn't reach him now. I was no good at consoling but I had to give it a go. "Just because we're monsters doesn't mean that we have to act like savages. You showed me that, you saved me from being a killer. She's right, Lexi was good and we have to live up to her standards. It's what she would want." I whispered and he turned to glower down at Damon again so I rested my chin on his shoulder and blew out the match, the spark dying down. "Don't do this, in the end you'll only destroy yourself." I whispered into his ear and when he turned around and pulled me into his arms I knew that he would make it.

"I miss her so much." He breathed into my ear so only I could hear it.

I weakly returned his embrace and whispered. "Me, too." My voice breaking as I finally admitted it aloud. It made her death real and the pain that I had kept inside for quite some time ebbed away slowly because I wasn't alone in my sorrow.

Lee turned back to Damon again and hissed. "I'll spare your life today but if I ever see you again, there will be no mercy."

"Fair enough." I said, a gentle smile forming on my lips. "We don't have to be saints either."

Lee placed a gentle kiss on my forehead and disappeared, his last words hanging in the air. "Thank you, but you no longer have to stay around me. I need some time on my own to sort things out." And just like that I was alone with a groaning Damon and a worried Elena, kneeling by his side. I didn't have the strength to follow Lee but I knew that he would find me if he needed me and that was comfort enough at the moment. Or at least I was trying to convince myself of that because there was nothing I could do about it at the moment.

"I knew you'd miss me." Damon stated, as he propped himself up on his elbows.

My gaze was still looking into the direction Lee had run off to and once again I stood at a crossroad, unsure of what would happen next. Absentmindedly, I answered truthfully. "You actually haven't crossed my mind up until now."

"You're lying." He said as he got up, a wicked grin on his lips.

"You wish I were." I told him cheerfully, finally meeting his amused gaze only to have my smile turn into a frown when a feeling of weakness overcame me but he didn't see me sway because he was already walking inside. I held back Elena who was about to follow him and shook my head at her. "You don't want to see that."

She just looked at me defiantly and pulled her arm free to glare at me haughtily, making me wonder what her problem was. It was obvious that Damon was going to kill the witch that had betrayed him and I was simply being nice but I guess that that didn't matter to her. She eagerly strode towards Damon when he came back out and I turned around, not feeling welcomed by the unlikely pair. Where would I go now and what would I do?

Lee should have known that I had nowhere to go now and I wrapped my arms around me protectively as I realized that I would feel lonely without him even after all the things he had put me through since Lexi's death. He was somebody I could rely on and I had no idea how to build up trust and relationships. Since my last school year, I hadn't really mingled a lot and Lexi and Lee came into my life by chance and changed my perspective of life, they gave me a new chance. Where would I be without them?

A hand on my arm startled me so much that I yelped and ran away from the person only to whirl around and see Damon standing several paces away from me. "Where do you think you're going?" He asked, his brows pulled together skeptically.

I walked back up to him and cursed myself for being so jumpy. I needed to feed soon if I wanted to stop jumping out of my skin at the first surprise. "Somewhere, not sure." I answered shortly, looking around and was surprised to see Elena leaning against the car throwing daggers at me with her eyes. What was her problem?

"Need a ride?" Damon asked carefully and I burst out laughing at the strange offer, finally tearing my eyes away from the angry brunette.

"Really, Damon? Now you're offering me a ride." I exclaimed in exasperation, my eyes wide in astonishment. "I think I'm going to have to decline as much as this turn of events amuses me." I said, calmly. But when I turned to leave, a strong hand held me back and I frowned down at Damon's hand curled around my forearm until he let go uneasily, holding my frightened gaze. "Sorry, I'm not used to people touching me." I admitted, a bit panicked.

He just raised his eyebrows at me but asked no further questions concerning my fear of human contact, instead he asked. "Do you have a plan?" I wondered why he was being so nice to me and not teasing me for not letting him touch him after I had already slept with him before. It really was silly but I couldn't just turn my neurosis off and I wasn't ashamed of being damaged goods.

"No, I honestly don't but I think I'll wing it as I go." I told him, crossing my arms across my chest for the lack of something else to do. I probably shouldn't be disregarding the first nice gesture he threw my way but I felt uncomfortable with his sudden change of mind and Elena's strange glares.

He mirrored my stance and his arrogant smirk made me want to punch him. "Be a good girl, get in the car and just say thank you." He told me and I stared at him as if he were a madman, which I wasn't sure about but it might just be the truth. "Wouldn't you like to see your little junkie friend again? He's been asking about you, was actually quite put out that you left without saying goodbye." I stared at him curiously and he knew he had me when he told me about Jeremy, the only person that seemed to miss me back in town. It was a start but I knew that I would regret that I was tagging along with Damon's self-satisfied grin.

"Thanks." I grumbled after several moments and got into the back of the car in a flash, not wanting to sit next to this annoying jerk. Elena could have him to herself up front for all I cared. My head spun and my vision darkened as she entered the car and I smelled the sweet odor of her blood, making my hunger flare uncomfortably. This was going to be one hell of a ride.

* * *

I rested my head against the back of the seat and tried to tune out my surroundings but it proved to be impossible when Elena piped up in the front seat next to Damon. "Why did you want me to come with you?" Was she really this insecure? She needed more than one guy wagging his tail at her and telling her how wonderful she was.

"You should give yourself more credit, you can be quite fun." Damon complimented her and I saw the adoration in his eyes and focused my gaze out the window, trying very hard to ignore the irony of the situation. History was repeating itself and I didn't understand why these two brothers were damning themselves to the same fate they had shared in their time with Katherine by falling for this simpleminded girl. I despised her for her relatively happy life, everything simply worked out for her without her trying or suffering much. She didn't deserve this and I hated her for being so blind for all the love that surrounded her and she didn't even realize how lucky she was. It was a rare thing to be so blessed.

Lately, things were only going from bad to worse in my life and I could have killed to have a piece of her stinking normal life. "I used to be more fun all the time." Elena said with a sigh and I had to clench my teeth against the smell of her blood that filled the car and made my mouth water. "I saved your life."

"I guess you did." Damon said with a gentle smile on his face, his eyes met mine through the rearview mirror and he frowned when he examined my stressed appearance.

"And don't you forget that." Elena said lightly, grinning up at the attractive vampire sitting next to her in a flirtatious manner.

My anger exploded with her annoying remarks, her silly attempt at making herself seem important. "Lee would have never killed Damon, as much as it seemed like it. He was having a rough time and he wasn't himself. You don't know anything about him so don't you dare judge him." I hissed through clenched teeth, my fists pressed against my temples. "Now pull over before I do something I might or might not regret." I shouted, my bloodlust taking over and I was shocked by my own temper as I saw my eyes glisten coldly like golden metal in the rearview mirror, which instantly calmed me down enough to utter, testily. "Sorry, I'm on edge."

"You need blood." Damon stated mildly, stopping the car by the side of the road. I practically jumped out of the car, happy to get away from Elena and her tantalizing blood as I followed Damon to the trunk. He pulled out some blood bags and I devoured his entire supply in a matter of seconds, finally feeling better again. I hadn't even realized how parched I was. Damon chuckled while we headed back to the door and mocked me. "How long have you gone without blood?"

"I'm sorry that I had other things on my mind as I took care of a crazed vampire, thanks to your malevolent master plan." I said sarcastically and held up my hand when he smirked and wanted to retort something, I cut him off. "No, I don't want to hear any of it." He chuckled and I couldn't help but flash a short smile that disappeared when I remembered that every time I got involved with these people, something bad happened.

"Well, then I'm sorry for causing you trouble." Damon offered and I was confused by this new act of his. Was this Elena's affect on him? I actually didn't want to think about it and I had to remind myself that I didn't want to get involved with these people. I simply nodded and turned my gaze back towards the window, examining the reflection of the barren landscape in the window and carefully planning what I would do first when I got back. Should I try to get my job back at the Grill? But I wasn't sure whether I was even planning on staying long enough but I guess an occupation couldn't hurt either way.

He stopped my hand on the handle of the door and pushed back the sleeve of my shirt to reveal bruises from Lee's earlier sexual assault on me. As I was reminded of this particularly nasty event I was a bit glad to be away from him. I knew that he didn't mean it but it still frightened me that he might turn on me any second and I hoped that the time alone would do him good. "He hurt you." Damon coldly noticed and his possessive tone bothered me.

I ripped my wrist from his grip that was more of a light touch than an actual grip and growled at him before I could stop myself. "Don't touch me." I couldn't recognize myself anymore, the lack of feeding was making my temper flare irregularly. "I need more blood, wonder if Elena would volunteer as a life blood bag." I murmured, darkly.

Damon flipped me around so that my back was against the car and I gritted my teeth as he disobeyed me again. "Do not change the subject." He said slowly and his grip tightened around my arms, keeping me in place even when I squirmed against his touch. "Why would you stay with him after what he did to you?" He asked and his expression was surprisingly soft.

It was a question that I had too many answers to but none that I felt like I could tell the man before me. "He needed me." I said, crisply and got into the car without waiting for his reaction because the truth was that I had needed Lee as well and without him I felt more alone than ever.

I owed him my life and my soul. He kept me sane and asked all the right questions to remind me of what it felt like to be human. He knew me and I needed him to be the man I had met because otherwise I would lose my belief that everything could turn out alright. So I needed a ray of light to break through the darkness of my life and I had hoped that Lee's recovery could help me adjust to this new life but that hadn't worked out and now I felt volatile and out of control because if helping Lee wasn't what I was supposed to be doing then what would I do?

* * *

As we entered town, my eyes stared out the window gravely and my jaw clenched for several tight moments in which I couldn't breathe. But suddenly my entire face went slack when I realized that I was making this more complicated than it actually was, I was sabotaging myself with my fatalistic thinking. Just because I was now a supernatural creature didn't mean that I had to lead an extraordinary life, maybe it would be nice to try to live a normal life. I had all of eternity, so why not waste my life a bit for what I thought would never work out?

If it didn't work out, I could always just flee town to be alone somewhere else. I guess that was my greatest fear that now that I was able to live my life in whichever way I wanted, I would have no one to share it with and no one that wanted to spend their time next to me because I was socially awkward and after all the times that I had kept myself isolated my affection could hardly be sincere.

I wanted to see Jeremy right away when Damon parked the car in front of the boarding house and Elena jumped out to see Stefan, a reunion I really didn't feel like watching. It would only remind me of Lee and Lexi or the fact that I had no one to run to. Wallowing in self-pity was annoying me and I decided that I needed a drink but when Damon and I both stood in front of the Mystic Grill I wasn't sure if that was such a good idea.

"Are you going inside?" He asked haughtily as he held the door open and I just stood there staring at him skeptically. Just because we were both headed to the bar didn't mean that I would have to spend my time with him so I shrugged and entered, trying very hard to ignore the sinking feeling in my gut as I stepped through the door that I had gone through countless times.

I froze when one of the barkeepers did exactly what I had hoped wouldn't happen, recognize me. "Grayson!" At least it was a chance to get away from Damon who was staring at me strangely so I bounded behind the bar and sat on the counter, my back turned to the crowd. "Here to claim your old job back?" Warren asked me, scratching his scruffy beard. I liked the middle-aged man because he had never looked at me with pitiful eyes even though he took me in when I needed a job. He checked up at me in my apartment and made sure that I had enough to eat in the fridge and got enough sleep, yet I had never properly thanked him for what he did for me. In my ignorant state I had been in the wrong mindset to realize how much he was actually taking care for me and I realized that he was something like the substitute father that I never knew I had or wanted.

A gentle smile graced my lips as I thought of all the times that I had been the last person at the bar, drinking up his whiskey supply and chewing off his ears with nonsensical whims. My hand touched his arm carefully and I withdrew it just as quickly but the fierce grin on his face showed that he appreciated the gesture as I said. "Thanks, but no thanks." I shook my head and a soft chuckle escaped my mouth. "I'll help you out for the night though if things aren't going that well."

A knowing smile spread on my face as he winced when his eyes subconsciously shot towards the kitchen doors. He roughly knocked his hand against my shoulder and his booming laugh erupted when he saw my wide eyes but his touch wasn't that bad and I tried to control my facial expression so it wouldn't betray my discomfort. "That would be fantastic, lad!" He shouted and I hopped down from the counter and dashed into the kitchen, a place I knew well.

Taking a kitchen apron off the hooks by the door, I turned around and inspected the damage that had been done to my meticulously ordered kitchen as I fastened the bow behind my back with practiced movements. Working in the kitchen was something that I was good at and it calmed my nerves to be able to trace my fingertips along the pans' different handles and the pots' cool surfaces. It was all the same but it felt so different to me.

I was no longer the same person that spent hours working to be able to perform a recipe perfectly or just cleaning all the instruments so that I didn't have to go home yet. Now the smells that loomed in the kitchen were almost making me nauseous with their intensity and everything gleamed and shone too brightly. The silver surfaces reflecting the light nearly blinded me with their intensity. Twirling a pan around in my right hand, I wondered whether I would even stand the rest of the night here.

The new workers were a catastrophe and I felt for Warren since he had to deal with these lousy employees on a daily basis. They had no ambition and were completely lazy, working sluggishly and therefore infuriating the guests by making them wait for food that wasn't even well prepared. In less than an hour I was already yelling at them and I had really controlled my anger tightly but these people were impossible. "Are you all completely incapable or are you just playing dumb?!" I exploded, my hands clenched in fists at my side.

After strictly instructing them of exactly what to do, things started to go uphill but I didn't even know why Warren had taken in these dimwits yet I was sure that it had something to do with that big heart of his and not his employees' talents, which only consisted of their ability to mess things up in my opinion. The sight seemed strangely familiar and I remembered that a lot of the junkies living in our town had worked here along with me. I had never been this useless, had I? I wasn't even sure how my life as a human had been and why I had been such a hermit. It was like I was resurfacing from a dark pool of water and could finally breathe again but before, I had been used to drowning.

The memories of my human life seemed so faint and I grew panicked when I wasn't able to picture the face of my mother anymore, not as clear as it used to be in my head. Luckily, Warren just stepped inside the kitchen to tell us to clean up since there were hardly any guests anymore. Tears were brimming in my eyes as I tried to recollect what her voice sounded like or how her hair gleamed in the sun but all the images in my mind were fuzzy. I never knew how precious my human memory was to me until I realized that I was losing it bit by bit.

* * *

My past suddenly no longer seemed like a burden but more like a prologue that led to the person I was now and I felt torn to know that it was fading away, taking away a part of me that I never knew I would miss. I hardly noticed when Warren took my arm and sat me down on a stool at the bar, placing a glass of whiskey in front of me. "Single malt, no ice." The kind smile on his face made me want to return the gesture but my hands were trembling and the corner of my lips just wouldn't turn upwards.

"Thank you, Warren. For everything you did for me in the past." I said, tears welling up again as I stuttered. "I… I never properly thanked you. I did… I didn't even know how much… how much you did for me."

"Bottoms up, kiddo." He said gently and I obeyed him wordlessly because most of the time he knew what was best for me. The burning liquid felt good as it sloshed against my lips and I gladly let Warren refill my glass whilst he said. "There's no need to thank me, lad. I did what was right and there were too many people in this town that shunned you instead of believing you would recover." He said, angrily swiping at a spot on his counter before he looked up and smiled at me. "You look better by the way, good even. Not like you looked bad at some time in your life, you just look…" He ranted, nervously.

"Good. I get it, Warren, I'm not offended in any way." I interrupted him with a soft laugh, wiping my eyes carefully but no tears had leaked out of my eyes. "I was a mess and now I'm going to start cleaning up." I told him, determinately.

A kind smile graced his lips and I detected no doubt in his face for which I was grateful. "That's good, kiddo. Does that mean you're staying in town for a while?" He asked, hopefully.

"I think so." I told him honestly and sipped on my glass carefully, savoring the taste of each drop. I would always love whiskey whether I was human or not. The panic about my fading memories returned just as Damon took a seat next to me and Warren left to check up on the few remaining guests.

"You worked here and I never noticed?" He asked suspiciously, clinking his glass against mine.

I frowned at his strange inquiry but of course Damon was the type to spend all his free time at a bar, drinking away his sorrow and pretending he didn't care. "I was in the kitchen so I was protected from your harassment that would have likely followed if I had been a waitress." I answered lightly but I wanted to ask him about my memories and I wanted to ask badly.

"Ouch, that hurt. I'm not that bad a guy, at least that's what people keep telling me." He grumbled and downed his drink with an elegant move of his hand. Yeah, he definitely had practice at this.

"Yeah, right. You're not that bad and as much as you try to hide it, I can see that you care but I'm not drunk enough to lead this conversation." I quickly said as his eyes widened and narrowed. "Damon." My voice was desperate and I had his attention as I whispered, sadly. "I can't remember my mother's face anymore."

"You can't remember her?" He asked, his brows pulling together in confusion.

"It's not like that. I do remember her but it's all blurred and I can't grasp a single thought concerning my past without it slipping away in the next instant." I tried to explain my condition to him and looked up at him hopefully but the arrogant smirk on his face made me wonder why I had even asked him.

"Humans don't have our superb senses. It's a normal process that you can't recall it all and after a century you will hardly remember the names and faces of your loved ones." He said, nonchalantly and I just stared at him wide-eyed and stunned.

"You're lying." I said after several quiet moments, scrutinizing his face for any sign that he was indeed putting on an act. His cheek twitched and I downed my drink in triumph, knowing that I was right about some part of him. The part that acted like his past didn't affect him still, otherwise he would not still be chasing after Katherine, not if he didn't still love her.

We both sat in silence before I decided it was time to head off but stopped in my tracks when I realized that I had no home to return to. Could I go over to Jeremy's with Elena there, waiting for the right chance to stake me? Could I just stay outside in the woods, running and feeling my freedom? Here I was planning my new start and I didn't even have a place to crash.

I stood there, awkwardly next to my bar stool and scratched my head, puzzled by what to do next and was once again surprised by Damon who patted the stool I had just jumped out off. "Sit back down and drink with me." He ordered, refilling our drinks and smirking up at me when I still wouldn't move from the spot I was frozen to. "You can sleep at our place if you want."

Shaking my head violently, I sat back down and grumbled. "I'm not drunk enough to decide on that matter yet." I nipped on the liquid that reminded me of maple syrup and traced the designs of the wooden counter before me distractedly. Damon's offer was generous yet of course tainted and I wondered whether I could actually accept it if he would leave me alone. I didn't want to spend time in the house I had last been in with Vicki who was now dead, a creepy reminder to how close I had been to the same fate. If I hadn't left town, I might have been in the same position.

"Normally, women don't ask to get sloshed but it's a welcome change." He joked, a devious grin spread on his face and I nearly choked on my drink as I thought of the first night we had spent together after he had turned me. Everything had been so easy in that moment because I was in turmoil after the transition but now the thought of sleeping with him or with anybody really made me sick. I sat there in silence, trying to control my shaking hands and was glad that he just kept his mouth shut for a few minutes and gave me some space.

"I still remember his face clearly." I murmured, thinking of how Bryan still haunted me while the face of my own mother slipped away which made me feel like a bad person indeed. A bad creature, I corrected myself because I was no actual person anymore and this was just the proof I needed. Of course, I had pictures of her and as soon as I was alone I would look at it until each feature of her kind face was branded into my memory but I didn't want to remember my mother by photos, I wanted her with me all the time, in my mind and in my heart. Oh what a heartfelt creature of the night I was, a bit of a melancholic really.

"Bad luck." Damon said with a grim nod and I just stared at him dumbly for his straightforwardness and insensitivity but I hadn't expected sympathy from him. Or maybe I had but not the obvious kind of affection, he would simply drink with me until I forgot about my sorrow I decided when he forced my filled glass into my hand and saluted to me. "To misery." He toasted, sarcastically.

A surprised laugh escaped my lips and I was stunned to find that this man actually made me feel better. "Alright, to misery." I chuckled and clinked my glass against his amicably. My life really was a strange mess but I was going to sort this out and maybe it would be nice to have someone to mope around with occasionally. "You're really not that bad." I said distractedly as I sipped on the drink that I clutched with both of my hands.

"Ugh, quit saying that." He spat and I looked up at his disgusted facial expression in surprise because my focus had been elsewhere. "I'm sick of people telling me that I can be such a great man." He exclaimed angrily, making wild gestures with his hand.

I laughed at the strange sight which made him look at me as if I was completely nuts. "Sorry, but that's just too hilarious." His brows furrowed as I continued chuckling in amusement. "I'm not saying that you're a saint, far from that. You freaking turned me for the fun of it, I don't exactly have high expectations when it comes to you." For some crazy reason I just couldn't stop laughing. Really, what did he think I saw him as? Some kind of benefactor, no, but he wasn't completely evil which had been my first assessment of his personality. "Sorry, I'm sorry." I was able to blurt out in between my laughter but he just clapped a heavy hand against my shoulder and his touch caught me unprepared and successfully shut me up.

"So you have a real phobia when it comes to physical contact, it sure comes in handy when you're annoying me." He grumbled, his hand snaking back to his side to empty his glass once more.

I allowed myself to shudder once and then downed my drink, refilled my glass and gulped down another one. "I'm a bloody ray of sunshine compared to you and your whole issue about being the better man." I mocked him as he opened the next bottle, generously pouring the amber liquid into our glasses. "A bit of social anxiety is just fine in my opinion and I can live with my faults, but can you?"

"If you're so balanced within yourself then why are you here with me, drinking loads of whiskey?" He asked with that mischievous smirk on his face that I wanted to wipe off his face. I reached over and covered his face with my palm.

"There. I touched you, I hope you're happy now." I muttered, angrily. Who did he think he was that he could just insult me?

In the blink of an eye he stood in front of me with his face hovering before mine with a self-satisfied grin on his face, that was just asking for a challenge. "Prove it to me." He whispered huskily, waggling his eyebrows at me as he gently placed his hands on my hips and pulled me up in a standing position. He really thought that he had me but the truth was that he was underestimating me and I never backed down from a good challenge.

To his astonishment, I stepped even closer with a lopsided smile on my face and wrapped my arms around his neck, kissing him deeply. The tip of my tongue traced his lower lip, making a pleasured moan escape his lips and his hands dug into my sides greedily, pulling me against his body. He scooped me up in his arms without breaking our kiss and a feral growl vibrated deep within his chest when my hand slipped beneath his shirt to trace his hip bones.

I felt the wind whip around us as he rushed me into his bedroom, hungrily kissing my neck to let his teeth graze my skin although he never pierced it. His lips trailed down my neck line and rested on my collarbones, only to work their way even lower down my body and my excitement grew as clothes were thrown to the floor. Waves of pleasure carried me away from my surreal reality as I succumbed to his touch, not caring about the consequences.


	5. Unpleasantville

**5 – Unpleasantville **

The morning after is always at least twice as bad as the fun had been before and today was one of those days where things were ten times worse than I could have possibly imagined. Damon's arm was wrapped around my waist and I was pulled against his chest, molded to his body and I suddenly felt incredibly hot. In the matter of a second I was up against the wall, breathing raggedly as the recollection of last night hit me like an avalanche, burying me beneath my fear for the moment.

I clawed at my skull as I hyperventilated with my back pressed against the wall. The smoldering memory of his touch now turned to acid, burning my skin when I remembered how Bryan had touched the same spots as he had and simply took what wasn't given to him voluntarily. "Damn it." I exclaimed in frustration when black spots threatened to take away my vision.

"Huh?" Damon grunted sleepily but jolted up in a start when he saw what state I was in. "What the hell is wrong, Grayson?" He barked but his expression softened when he registered my shaking physique and distressed expression. His hands cupped my face as he suddenly stood before me and he whispered, gently. "Avery."

But I was across the room in a moment, ducking beneath his arms to make my path to the doorway, which I gripped with one of my hands as I doubled over with the other hand situated on my knee to keep me from falling unconscious. Panic and dread gripped me so hard that I felt like I was choking. "Give me a moment." I stammered through clenched teeth. My alarm and horror just wouldn't die down and I punched the doorway in frustration, making wooden splinters bury themselves deep in my hand and I hissed in pain because the puncture wounds burned like fire.

A calm hand gripped my knuckles and plucked the miniature stakes from my hand, coolly saying. "Easy now, I'm not going to hurt you." His sincerity and the pain in my hand made me come to my senses again and I just looked into his eyes and concentrated on their icy colour with a near white circle around the pupil. I suddenly wondered why I hated people touching me because Damon's fingers brushing against my skin lightly was actually kind of nice but a slight flutter of panic made me realize that I wasn't going to get over this phobia over night. I quickly reclaimed my hand and awkwardly stood before him, dressed in his shirt and gave him an odd look. Why was he acting this… kind?

"I… I'm sorry?" I questioned carefully, not coming up with anything better to say and I really didn't want to be a burden to him. Pulling on my jeans, socks and shoes, I studied his carefully neutral expression and wasn't sure what his ulterior motives were because I was pretty sure that he had them.

"So it does catch up with you." He stated distractedly as I treaded down the stairs watchfully, still wary of the fact that I was in this house of all places. How long could I stay in this haunted place? It really put me on edge to be here but maybe that would fade away after a few days of sleeping on the couch I now sat on because I did not want a repeat of last night's events to ruin my psyche. "Avery, are you listening to me?" Damon teased me when I still hadn't answered his question and was distracting myself by looking around aimlessly like a frightened animal, locked up in an unfamiliar cage.

"Yeah, I'm usually gone by the time the panic sets in." I said absentmindedly, as I traced the patterns of a cushion next to me to get my mind off of the fact that I was in the Salvatores' house, making small talk about how I escaped after having sexual intercourse with someone.

"So you're that type of woman." He mused, the devious smirk once more in place on his beautiful face while he offered me a blood bag. "I think you could still use some, you're looking a bit pale." He remarked with an amused grin.

"First of all, I'm not a certain type of woman." I told him sternly with a hint of a smile forming on my lips. "And yes, I'll take it." I said, snatching the blood from his hands and when I had sucked it clean I got up to leave because I really couldn't stand being in this place for another minute.

"Next time you should be gone before you get a spastic seizure again." He chirped after me.

I grumbled in an even tone. "Whatever you say, Salvatore." Slamming the door behind me, I took a whiff of the cool air outside and felt better already, but what to do now? I still hadn't seen Jeremy but he would be at school by now so there wasn't much I could do about that in the moment.

* * *

Without consciously deciding to move my feet, I took a walk through the streets of Mystic Falls without actually having a destination in mind, humming cheerfully along the way. It wasn't until a boy with flying red hair ran up to me and pulled at my sleeve – or more like Damon's sleeve since it was his shirt – that I realized I was near Mystic Falls' kindergarten. He looked up at me with round, dark blue eyes and smiled up at me cheekily. "You're pretty, can't you look after me?" He stretched his arms out to me, asking whether I would pick him up and in a sudden whim I decided to oblige.

I settled him on my hip and lightly asked. "That's sweet of you but before I agree to anything you have to tell me your name." He had to be brought back to his supervisors and that was what I was going to do although I didn't actually know why I had ended up in the position to do so.

The boy was probably about three years old and was incredibly cute with his fiery curls and the deep dimples that graced his cheeks when he smiled, which was what he was doing as he played with a strand of my hair. "I'm Simon but my friends all call me Sim. Hey, you can be my friend, right?" He asked excitedly, pulling on my hair to emphasize how urgent his request was.

Perhaps I was here because everything was easier back in kindergarten, you just walked up to someone and asked whether you could be friends and boom, that's what you were. If you decided not to be friends anymore boom, you weren't anymore without any ill feelings. There were no haunting ghosts of the pasts, only simplicity and the endless fantasy of a child's mind that didn't even know what boundaries were. Maybe I needed to be reminded of the fact that there were still simple things out there that were beautiful in itself.

It was surreal to walk into the colorful den of children and not to be reminded of your own childhood, which I could have hardly remembered even if I hadn't been turned into a vampire. There were only a few scenes that stood out prominently like the first time that I rode on a bike or when I fell from a tree I was climbing up and acted like a unicorn for weeks since the bulging bump on my forehead did nearly resemble a horn of sorts. An urgent pull on my hair reminded me of the boy resting on my hip and I quickly said. "Of course, Sim, I'd like that." I replied with an uncertain smile but the radiant smile that erupted on his face made me want to grin wider as well.

"Good, so you'll stay here with me. I don't trust these people." He mumbled, looking from side to side suspiciously while he pulled me along by the hand after I had set him down. His manner amused though it was somehow unusual for a small child since I was a complete stranger to him and he trusted me on the spot, dragging me back to his kindergarten. Well, I had brought him back to the place he had escaped but he hadn't even protested so I took it he was aware of the fact that he should be here and I meant him no harm by taking him here. "I found a new music teacher!" He announced loudly as we stepped into the room filled with children and their supervisors.

I froze on my spot and stared down at the strange boy that had picked me up on the street and uttered. "What?" What was this tiny devil getting me into? He just pulled me along hastily to sit down in the loose circle that about twenty children were sitting in with two kindergarteners, who instantly apologized for the boy's bold behavior but I had to admit that I found it refreshing.

"We're so sorry if he caused you any hassle, he's such an imaginative child." An elderly lady told me kindly before she turned to the ginger. "Simon, what were you thinking? You just ran off and left us very worried." She chided him quietly and he looked at his feet guiltily.

"I'm sorry." He mumbled, squeezing my hand in his and I noticed that I didn't mind his touch at all because I knew that he had no ulterior motives and he meant everything he said.

My fingers closed around his a bit more tightly and I reassured him. "I don't mind." I looked around into round, eager eyes and was still a bit insecure about what I was actually doing here with all these sweetly scented, innocent children that I might endanger with my volatile nature. "What about this talk of a music teacher?" I asked carefully.

A young woman of perhaps thirty years of age answered me, throwing a lock of her golden her over her shoulder and her grey eyes bored into mine. "One of our supervisors retired and the kids all miss her dearly because she was the only one that could play the guitar of us."

"We've been looking for a replacement, dearie, but our efforts have come to nothing." The elderly woman told me fervently and a glimmer of hope twinkled in her eyes as she took in my appearance. "You look like a decent person, would you be interested by chance?" She asked, nervously clicking her fingers on the tabletop she was sitting before.

I just stared at her in disbelief and slowly said. "Well, I am in dire need of a job at the moment and your offer is very generous but I'm not sure…" I trailed off, looking around at the round, plump faces of the children around us that watched the exchange with the utmost interest. I was impressed with the fact that they could keep quiet all this time because as far as I remembered usually children couldn't hold still for several moments at a time.

"Can you play the guitar? I heard you sing so I thought that maybe you could." He excitedly exclaimed, nearly crawling into my lap as he spoke animatedly.

"I haven't played in a long time." I admitted, visibly distressed by the hopeful expression in the eyes of all the people around me because I was not sure whether any amount of people had ever looked at me in such a way.

A guitar was thrust into my hands and I studied it curiously because what I said had been the truth. Ever since my incident with Bryan I hadn't touched a single chord or sung a single note because that had been how I had gained his attention, as a member of the school's band. My guitar had been crushed into pieces in my desperation and ever since I hadn't gotten involved with my formerly beloved hobby ever again. I had never wanted attention but I had just enjoyed singing and if others liked it as well that was nice to know. Nothing could be held against playing in front of these children so I strung the chords delicately, deciding on what to play. Striking up a few chords, I felt the familiar feeling of ease wash over me as I started playing, carefully placing my voice over the soft melody.

_Didn't you want to hear_

_the sound of all the places we could go?_

_Do you fear_

_the expressions on the faces we don't know?_

_It's a cold, hard road when you wake up_

_and I don't think that I have the strength to let you go._

_Maybe it's just me, but couldn't you believe_

_that everything I said and did wasn't just deceiving?_

_And the tear in your eye, and you calm, hard face_

_makes me wish that I was never brought into this place._

_There goes my ring._

_It might as well been shattered._

_And I'm here to sing about the things that mattered,_

_about the things that made us feel alive for oh so long,_

_about the things that kept you on my side when I was wrong._

_Maybe it's just me, but couldn't you believe_

_that everything I said and did wasn't just deceiving?_

_And the tear in your eye, and you calm, hard face_

_makes me wish that I was never brought into this place._

_And someday, I promise I'll be gone._

_And someday, I might even sing this song to you._

_I might even sing this song to you, to you, to you._

_And I was crying alone tonight _

_and I was wasting all of my time just thinking of you_

_so just come back, we'll make it better._

_So just come back, I'll make it better than it ever was._

_Better than it ever was._

I ended on a melancholic note and looked up into blank faces and was momentarily sure that this had been a bad idea. Music would always cause me trouble just like it had with Bryan. But then their faces erupted in joy and the little ones clapped their hands in delight. Sim crawled into my lap, taking his place behind the guitar I held and said. "I knew I was right about you."

"Consider yourself part of the team." The elderly woman exclaimed, clapping her wrinkled hand on the table while she got up and shook my hand vigorously, making me slightly uneasy. "Oh where are my manners? My name is Jane and who are you, my dear?"

"Avery, Avery Grayson." I managed to say even though the entire situation still confused me to no end, especially with so many things balanced on my lap. Carefully, almost tenderly really, I set down the guitar on the carpeted floor and Simon leapt to the floor so that I could stand again. "I don't know if this is such a good idea." I stated, mildly.

"I agree with the stranger." The blonde supervisor stated heatedly, crossing her arms before her chest defiantly and giving me a nasty look. What was with the feminine citizens of Mystic Falls that they always had to glare at me? First Elena looked at me as if she wanted to murder me and now this random woman was doing the same thing as if I was trotting into her territory.

"Oh sweetheart, you said you needed a job and your voice is brilliant. You can play the guitar and the children would love to be able to sing a song again. Don't you like children?" She suddenly asked, her brows furrowing in distress.

I quickly shook my head sharply. "No, I like kids." I admitted with a sheepish grin.

"Yeah, she's my friend." Simon said snottily, grabbing the sleeve of my shirt again. It was cute to see him standing up next to me and I smiled down upon him endearingly before the smile froze on my face when I realized another fact.

I was a vampire. I could never have children and tears welled in my eyes when I grasped the fact that after I survived the mess of my last high school year I would have badly wanted to have children and give them a loving home to grow up in. My world suddenly seemed a shade darker even when I was surrounded by gleeful children that wanted me around in this multicolored safe haven. But I would never see my own features reflected in a child of my own blood and the loss of this experience hit me suddenly and hard.

A hand on my shoulder made me jump back, nearly throwing small Sim to the ground as I resisted the urge to flee with inhuman velocity. "Are you alright, my dear?" Jane asked, worriedly.

I simply nodded and wiped at my cheeks furiously. "Yes, it's just been a tough week." A tough three years, to speak the truth but this kind woman did not have to know that. She'd find out sooner rather than later by the likes of this town and its unruly talent to spread gossip. Hurriedly, I composed myself as much as I could and gave her a small smile. "I think I should be leaving now."

"But you'll come back, right?" Sim piped up with another pull at my sleeve.

Jane grabbed my wrist encouragingly and told me. "Yes, you must come back. How about you give our humble establishment a little test run, next week perhaps?" She offered and I really didn't have a choice but to nod, feeling a bit better about myself for the moment. Maybe it would do me some good to feel needed and accepted by this strange flock of people. Having a job felt like a good start after all, right?

"Alright, then when shall I be up and ready on Monday?" I asked, an enthusiastic smile spreading across my face against my will when I saw the happy faces of the children that waved at me happily as I stepped towards the door.

"Eight o'clock and take the guitar with you. You might like to practice a bit." She said with a wink that held no ill feelings whatsoever as she set the guitar in its case and handed it over to me. Ever so cautiously I strung the strap diagonally across my body and balanced the instrument between my shoulder blades, where the precious bundle would not be jostled around too much.

"Thank you." I said fervently, placing a light hand on hers for several seconds before I turned to leave, a gigantic grin on my face. There was a guitar hanging on my back and if things went well next week I would have a job, which might just make up for my infertile condition. I frowned down at the ground as I started walking into town again, caught up in gloomy and strange thoughts.

* * *

Now that it was late afternoon, Jeremy would be out of school and I decided to pass by the high school, which I hadn't set a foot into ever since I graduated. It was time to face my inner demons and I had mastered playing the guitar again and singing so why not try to achieve it all in one day? Because I would most likely break down? Then I would get back up again and try again some other day but right now I felt invincible and vulnerable at the same time as I stood before the bulky school building.

Each hesitant step took a lot out of me and my hand gripped the door handle when I finally gave up because I couldn't go inside this building that was filled with a turmoil of memories, good and extremely bad. But I wasn't disappointed with myself nor was I frustrated with my own inability. I knew that this was not a standstill but still a step forward, I was making things better one step at a time and as long as I was willing things could go uphill. The weight of the guitar on my back reminded me that fate sometimes had something good for you in store and I whirled around, slowly walking away from the house of cards that might collapse on top of me the moment I stepped inside.

"Hey, you lost something. Wait up." Someone called from behind me, waving a booklet in his hand that he had picked up from the ground. The sandy haired man jogged up to me and he seemed vaguely familiar but I couldn't place where I had seen his face before. "Here." He said cheerfully, offering me the blue book of what I saw were children's songs.

I flipped through the pages and flipped the guitar case from my back to stow it into the pocket and zipped it up again. "It must have been in here. Now at least I know what I'll have to practice." I mused to myself as I repositioned the case on my back. "Thank you." I said with a nod and turned to leave again but the man fell in step with me and I wondered whether we were really headed in the same direction or if he wanted something specific from me.

"Headed to the Grill?" He asked, amicably and my eyes flashed to his suspiciously but it seemed like he was only trying to strike up some conversation so I simply nodded, not in the mood for small talk. If he wanted something of me, he might as well come right out and say it. "I'm Alaric Saltzman, the new history teacher." He introduced himself and extended a hand to me that I simply eyed warily and ignored.

"I'm Avery Grayson. So you're new in town?" I offered to make up for the fact that I simply ignored the proposed hand shake. It wasn't like I had meant to offend him in any matter but the idea of freely shaking the hand of a stranger made me shudder. But that wasn't his fault after all.

"Yeah, is it that obvious?" He asked, ruffling the back of his hair in a nervous manner. "What about you, are you new around here? I haven't seen you around before, I think, that's why I'm asking." He quickly went on to explain when I looked at him oddly.

"Well, I've lived in Mystic Falls all my life so I guess you could say that I know the drill, but I only returned recently so I guess that makes me a newbie as well." I joked with a small smile on my face, feeling a bit more comfortable in his presence as we neared our destination.

"Hmmm… that guy I saw you with last night at the bar, is he new in town as well?" He asked, his brows furrowing and my suspicion rose again, which he was oblivious to as he held the door open for me.

"Thanks." I mumbled before answering his question. "I don't know him well. We met a few months ago before I left but other than that I can't be sure. Why do you ask?" I asked, skeptically and watched him fidget and fish for an answer somewhere in his mind.

"Not that important, just curious. I thought I knew him from somewhere. See you around." He said in a rush and made his way to the bar while I stood there befuddled by his strange act. Something was off about the guy but I couldn't tell what it was at the moment. Someone's arms encircled my waist and I was whirled around by someone, which made my breathing hitch and my thoughts seep right out of my mind.

"Avery, you're back. Why didn't you tell me that you were in town again?" Jeremy exclaimed, twisting me around so that he could properly hug me and I didn't mind at all as soon as I knew that it was him. He was the only one who had sincerely missed me or at least thought of me in my absence so he deserved the right to hug me, I decided.

I still wriggled out of his grip when he released me but chirped a jolly laugh as I tousled his already messy hair. "I only arrived yesterday and I was going to drop by the school but you were already gone so here I am now." I finished with a waving gesture and a triumphant smile when I saw that he was genuinely happy to see me.

"God, it's good to see you." He said and clapped my shoulder amicably but then he frowned and asked. "You haven't heard anything from Vicki, have you?"

I just shook my head and fought down a twinge of jealousy and unease as I wondered whether this was the reason that he was talking to me at all. In a sudden panic I shook off his hand and shook my head sharply, before mumbling. "No, I'm sorry, Jer."

"That's okay, it's not your fault anyway. But I'm glad that you're alright." He said and offered me a small smile and his arm while he asked. "How about we get out of here? This girl, Anna, won't leave me alone and I have work to do tonight. Are you coming to the ball as well?" He asked eagerly, while I scanned our surroundings for the girl and caught her eyes just as Jeremy looped his arm through mine and dragged me out of the Grill. Her eyes narrowed when she saw us together and I wondered whether there was any woman that did not dislike me in this town.

"She's cute." I told him with a cheeky smile and a jab into his side as we stepped outside. "What's the problem?" I asked when I saw his annoyed expression.

"I don't know." He said, chagrined but he tried to smile again for me. "So are you coming tonight? I'll be at the bar and will make sure that you are entertained." He offered with a wink and his light manner made me smile. He was fun to be around and an easy going person that never judged you although I wondered what he would think of me when he found out that I knew Vicki was dead and that she and I were or rather had been vampires.

But I didn't want to think about it right now because today was going to be a good day. I was meeting up with my only friend and I had a job proposal, nothing abnormal was happening tonight but I still wasn't in the mood for a dance. "I don't go to dances." I told him flatly. My last memory of a ball wasn't exactly a happy one and I hadn't been able to enter the school today so a dance was definitely out of the question.

"I'm sorry, of course not. I didn't mean to force you into anything, I just thought that it would be nice to have you around. Sorry." He ranted quickly and I stopped him by patting a reassuring hand on his shoulder as we walked up to his house.

"Don't worry about and it's nice that you asked me. How about I stick around until you have to go to work and I'll promise to accompany to the next dance thingy." I said with a wiping gesture of my hand as we stood before his door and I was faced with the next challenge.

"That sounds great." He said happily and rang the doorbell, which was instantly answered by his aunt Jenna Sommer who was wearing a 50s themed outfit and I immediately made the connection to the dance Jeremy had told me about.

Jeremy stepped inside straight away but I knew that I hadn't been invited so I stood outside nervously. "Is it okay if I come in, Miss Sommer?" I asked, awkwardly standing in the doorway while her piercing blue eyes scanned my appearance, making me feel strangely exposed.

"Of course, Avery, come on in. No need to be shy and please call me Jenna. I'm not that old." She chimed and laughed a bit uneasily as I stepped inside, relieved that it had worked out without compulsion. I felt unsure about compelling innocent people and taking away their free will when it was not necessary.

Jeremy snatched my hand and literally dragged me up the stairs and into his room before I could exchange a few friendly words with Jenna. "I have to get changed, wait here for a moment, will you?" He said distractedly as he piled up some clothes in his arms and left me alone in his room to head to the bathroom. With a sigh, I plopped down onto his bed and took a look around when my gaze rested on a sketch pad. I carefully picked it up and sifted through its content, taking my time to take in each detail of the pencil drawings. Somewhere in the back of my mind I registered that Jeremy had reentered the room and whispered. "These are wonderful, Jer." I looked up to see him squirm a bit, stepping from one foot to the other. "I'm sorry, I hope I wasn't intruding on things that I shouldn't see but you're very talented." I complimented him as I gave him a once over.

"Well, thanks, I guess." He blushed fretfully and rolled up the sleeves of his white dress shirt. "Your guitar?" He asked with a nod of his head towards the instrument that I had nearly forgotten was strapped against my back.

"It's borrowed as a part of my new job." I grinned up at him and stood up from his bed, accusingly. "You're just trying to change the subject, Jer."

"Maybe." He admitted with a gentle smile as he pulled me down to sit next to him on his bed. "But tell me about your new job anyway, will you?" His face was so open that I decided to let it slip for now but I wouldn't forget.

"Don't mess with me." I said, mockingly and elbowed him in the stomach lightly, making sure that I didn't hurt him with my inhuman strength. "But because you're the only one that's nice to me in this town, I'll tell you anyway. It's a strange story really, I was taking a walk and then this kid drags me into the kindergarten he escaped from and introduces me as the new music teacher. Luckily, I do play the guitar so I was offered a trial week." I told him carefully, wondering how he would react to this new piece of news.

"That's great, Ave." He exclaimed enthusiastically and wrapped an arm around my shoulders to press me against his body. I couldn't help to feel a stab of discomfort when I was this close to him and I blinked rapidly as I stared into his eyes but he just smiled radiantly and let his grip loosen a bit but he didn't withdraw his arm just yet. "But I never knew that you played the guitar." He said curiously, looking at me expectantly and waiting for me to speak.

"Well, I haven't exactly been in the kind of situation where you played the guitar before a bonfire or something of that kind, I'm no artist." I emphasized with a wink but my face grew serious as I replayed why I had stopped playing in the first place. "I stopped playing after my last high school year." I told him truthfully, looking down at my hands and letting his arm tighten around me protectively and I lightly rested my head on his shoulder, letting his warm body comfort me for the moment. When I felt the burning sensation in the back of my throat again, I pulled back so that I wouldn't be tempted to have a taste of my friend.

Jeremy gripped both of my shoulders and forced me to look at him and there was a strange fire kindling in his eyes as he whispered. "If you ever want to talk about anything at all, you know that I'm here, right?" I blinked up at him in astonishment and couldn't help but wondered how I had come to deserve the friendship of someone so pure and good.

He gave my shoulder a slight shake when I didn't react but I was able to give him a reassuring smile before I stuttered. "That sounds alright, I guess."

"I have to go now but we'll keep in touch." He said and hugged me once more before I followed him down the stairs. "Wish me luck." He grumbled and he looked at me hopefully but I just shook my head as we stood in the kitchen.

"You clean up nicely, Mister Gilbert, and I'm sure you'll have lots of fun." I told him, grandly as he walked out the door.

* * *

I was about to leave as well when a call from behind me stopped me in my tracks. "Avery, would you like to have a cup of coffee?" Jenna offered though it sounded more like a demand than anything else so I hesitantly walked into the kitchen where a steaming cup was placed before me and I set the guitar case against the kitchen counter. Pouring some milk into my cup, I lifted my eyes to the slender brunette and waited for her to go on. "Is there something going on between you and Jeremy?" She blurted out just as I took my first sip.

"Excuse me?" I managed to say through my fits of coughing. Consuming food was strange because the taste was stronger and I knew that I was hungry for something else but being accused of having a relationship with Jeremy was even more absurd. He was a couple years younger than me and not really my type with his long hair and I had never even considered him in such a way since he and Vicki had something going on. My thoughts spun around my head in confusion and I just stared at Jenna with wide, perplex eyes.

"I don't mean to be intrusive but I'm worried about the boy and I'm not sure if being with a girl like you, how that would influence him." She said quickly, her finger hitting the counter in rapid succession and with the sound my annoyance grew. A girl like me?! I was well aware of the fact that I was not an angel but no one had the right to judge me in such an offhanded manner.

"He's my friend." I sneered, coldly. My hands clenched to fists next to my cup and I no longer felt in control of my need to feed as my emotions ran out of control and my vision blurred with the sudden fury that filled up my body. He was more than my friend, he was my only friend pretty much and Jenna couldn't even begin to comprehend how important that was to me.

"Oh, I'm sure he is but the way he couldn't stop talking about you when you were gone… I have to protect him." She said fiercely, her gaze locking with mine and with her sincerity the anger washed right out of me, leaving me stunned.

Jenna was only taking care of the boy that had been given into her custody and I could see her insecurity as she nervously wrapped a strand of her light brown air around her finger. I shook my head to clear my head and mildly responded. "There's nothing going on between us, you don't have to worry." The anger was still there, boiling uneasily beneath the surface of my cool exterior and I knew that I had to get out of here before I did something I would definitely regret because Jenna was a bit too bold at times but a good person after all. "Have fun at the party." I said, heading for the back door to escape any further scrutiny.

* * *

I let the cool breeze splay around my hair and cool my nerves as I stood in the Gilberts' backyard, trying to calm down but I knew that only one thing would actually settle my queasy feeling. Blood, I needed blood right now after this turbulent day. The good still outweighed the bad but Jenna's accusation hit me harder than I thought it would have.

Was I really such a bad person? I wasn't the typical woman to take home and introduce to your mother but I never considered myself such a bad catch. But then again, I had never actually considered going out with someone so there really was no need to feel hurt by her words.

A movement in my peripheral vision made me whirl around, only to be faced by a dark hooded man that stabbed me with a stake in an inhumanly fast movement and fire flared where the wood pierced my chest, missing my heart by a hairsbreadth. I fell to the ground and the pain blinded me. In the moment of a heartbeat I realized that I didn't want to die just yet and I gripped the stake but I was weak from the blood loss and my infrequent feeding so I couldn't pull it out. I decided to just lay there as still as possible as the pain hit me in waves and I was glad that Jeremy had already left so he wouldn't see my face contort in pain.

The man had to be a vampire or he wouldn't have staked me but I wondered what his motives were when I heard a feminine scream come from the house. Elena. It was always her that everyone was after. I felt sorry for her for a couple seconds and tried to get up again but my agony flared when I sat up, making me hiss in pain. My suffering felt unstoppable but I wasn't heartless and I wouldn't just let Elena die, no matter whether she disliked me or not. Jenna had proven to me that I wasn't the most likable person but whoever had staked me was going to die because I hadn't deserved that.

I swayed dangerously and overheard the conversation that was taking place inside. Stefan had obviously saved Elena at the last second and he and Damon were currently deciding on how to find this vampire since they didn't know why he had attacked Elena.

"You should just go to the school dance as if nothing happened and if he turns up, we'll take care of him." Damon stated simply as I tripped and nearly fell, pain clutching at my chest and making my vision blur into darkness for several seconds before I steadied myself again.

Stefan's voice was the next that drifted to my half-conscious state of my mind and he did not sound amused at all. "You're not using her as bait."

"It's the only way, Stefan." Elena piped up, her voice a bit unsteady. "He was invited in so the house isn't safe anymore. If Jeremy or Jenna had been home…" She whispered in horror and I felt another stab of sympathy towards the girl. She cared about those close to her at least and I couldn't blame her for feeling wary about my intrusion into her life. After all, I was just another volatile killer that might just seduce her little brother and bring him to the dark side, according to Jenna.

"He was invited?" Damon stated angrily, the sharp edge in his voice snapping me back to consciousness.

"Yeah, he delivered some pizza to our house last night." Elena replied, obviously still in shock from the attempt on her life.

"I don't like this but Damon is right. He'll probably follow you to the dance and then we can take him out." Stefan said, trying to calm her down.

Damon snickered and mocked him. "Do you think you're up to it, dear brother?"

I crashed against the back door and I snarled a string of profanities as I doubled over in pain. The door was wrenched open, taking away my only support and I fell forward which forced the stake deeper into my chest and it now protruded out of my backside. There was no energy left in my body to scream so I only gasped in pain, feeling incredibly weak. The smell of Damon's cologne wafted to my senses and I growled. "Take it out."

"Nice to see you, too. My love, you look horrible if I may say so." Damon said with a mischievous grin but when his eyes fell on the stake in my chest his face was cleared of all emotions. "How did this happen?" He held me up by my shoulders and I wanted very much to move away from him but right now I needed his help and his stupid questions and comments robbed me of my last nerve.

"Please, Damon." I begged him, motioning to the crafted piece of wood that was causing me terrifying pain. With a grim nod he curled his hand around the stake but hesitated for a moment.

"This is going to hurt." He warned me, bracing my back against the wall as much as it was possible with the tip sticking out in the back, holding my shoulder in his steely grip. A strangled yelp escaped my lips when he ripped it out of my chest and I clenched my teeth around a pained scream. Shouting would not change the fact that I was still in pain and it would only give Damon the satisfaction of seeing me suffer. "Your first time being staked, I'm a bit put out that I wasn't your first." He teased me and all I could manage was a weak smile as I leaned my head against the wall.

Her scent hit me hard, my fangs elongated and veins pulsated under my eyes when my senses located the only source of blood in the room. Damon's hand was still pressing me up against the wall and it was now constricting me but I still had enough control to give them a head start. "I think you should leave now." I told Stefan and Elena but she was once again glaring at me with grave eyes.

"What were you doing in my backyard?" She nearly screeched at me and I admired her courage to talk back to a vampire but on second thought it was probably more of stupidity on her side because she could not understand how devastated I was.

"Leaving." I hissed through clenched teeth and tried very hard to fight back against the instinct to rip out her throat and suck her dry. Oh God, my thoughts were only circling around what it would be like to taste her and a choking sound escaped my lips as my hands dug into Damon's sides, who was now shielding me from the other two. Or rather protecting them from me with his hands pinning my wrists against the wall but I wasn't struggling. "Your little guest surprised me and Stefan beat me to being the one to save your ass." I snapped, letting my emotions get the better of me. It was the better option than letting my blood lust get the better of me because I had the strange premonition that I wouldn't survive the night if I so much as laid a finger on precious Elena with her two bodyguards still in the room. "Don't you have a party to attend." I said bitterly and let my head hang in defeat since there was no way I could get to her with two other vampires in the room against me. Not that I wanted to kill her but that didn't lessen the burning desire for blood that raged in my mind.

* * *

Stefan was finally able to drag Elena from the room but I could still smell her so they were probably waiting for Damon who still hadn't changed his position. His eyes softened and he murmured. "You would have been useless up against the other vampire. Do you even know how to fight?" I didn't even try to answer and simply sagged against his chest tiredly when he released my wrists from his grip. He lifted up my chin with a finger and searched my eyes, whatever he found made him do something that I could have never predicted. He craned his head to the side and encouraged me, evenly. "Take a bite before you lose it completely."

My eyes were fixed on the veins that were visible on his neck and I only hesitated for a millisecond before my teeth sunk into his neck. The blood that hit my parched throat was like a drop of water on a hot stone, it evaporated immediately and would never be enough to sate my hunger. The pleasured moan that escaped Damon's mouth was what snapped me out of my instable condition and I registered the fact that his arms were wrapped around my waist and mine were around his neck, holding him in place. My lips were still latched to his skin and I slowly drew them away from him but they were captured in a searing kiss that was only fueled by my desire for blood.

Damon spread my legs and hoisted me up against the wall to close the minimal distance between us. His soft lips left mine and a sharp pain in my neck made me gasp but it disappeared just as quickly as it came as he bit me. A strange sensation took over my body and I felt like I could feel what he felt, desire, lust, sensuality. The experience was surreal and he chuckled against my neck as if he could sense my wonder. "What is that?" I asked quietly as panic started to take over. The feeling of being this close to someone was frightening and I suddenly wanted as much space as I could get from him, stunned out of my blood lust fueled stupor of mind.

"So this is what you feel like when someone touches you." He mused, tilting his head to the side in curiosity when I pushed him away from me. Fear took over and his feelings on top of mine confused me to no end. "Calm down." He ordered me and the determined and calm feelings that radiated off of him made it easier to obey him. For a moment I simply acted as if his feelings were my own and it stilled my trembling hands.

"Don't ever do that again." I said, feebly. "Or I'll start asking you questions about Katherine when you're in this state." I felt his agony and it was a sick feeling of redemption that I felt when he flinched away from me. He had felt my pain and now I knew his. "I think we're even now." I told him, evenly and went over to the kitchen counter to pick up the guitar that I had forgotten there in my anger about Jenna's words. Misery washed over me as I remembered her words and I couldn't help but to ask myself a question that had echoed through my mind before. Was I destined to be alone?

"You're not a bad person." He whispered in sympathy, answering an unsaid question of mine and I looked up at him in confusion from my position before the door. "Exchanging blood is something lovers do to enhance the experience." He told me with a wink and flashed over to me, teasingly letting his lips hover before mine. Anticipation coursed through me vehemently and I felt his amusement and longing but the moment of suspense was destroyed when a knock on the door interrupted us.

"You coming?" Stefan asked before the door, knowing that we could hear him. "Why did you try to save her?" He asked quietly and I frowned because I really didn't know how to answer. I wasn't going to let an innocent die. Jeremy would be devastated and other good people would suffer. I feared the brothers' revenge when they discovered I could have done something. I was in a delirium from the pain and hadn't known what I was doing.

Damon chuckled and I simply shrugged and took the back door. "Have fun at the party." I told him before I left out of the back door, cursing my own weaknesses as I raced back to the Salvatore estate to keep my distance from Damon and his mind games and to get the life essence that I urgently needed. This strange connection between us was making me think that we were more similar than I would have liked and those thoughts were enough to keep you up at night.

* * *

I fell asleep on the couch in the living room almost instantly because I was so exhausted from the day's events and Damon's emotions that drifted to me only proved to me that this was one hell of a night. Groaning, I turned around and pulled the blanket over my head, hoping to drown out the strange events in this town that I wanted no part in but seemed incapable to escape, no matter what I did.

* * *

**Disclaimer: **The lyrics are from the song 'Maybe' by Secondhand Serenade.


	6. Children of the Damned

**6 – Children of the Damned**

"Morning, sunshine." An annoyingly familiar voice whispered into my ear, waking me from my serene slumber. My eyelids fluttered open and I openly snarled when Damon's face was right in front of mine, making me uncomfortable on purpose. Was he just being an ass or did he not realize how bad my phobia still was. I guessed that it was the latter by the way that he was smirking down at me and playing with a strand of my hair although I noticed that he was careful not to touch me. Perhaps he was capable of learning and I didn't give him enough credit. Go fish.

"Good morning, Damon." I managed to get out through clenched teeth and I badly wanted to stay right here on this couch but I knew that I had to get up and face the world. My weekend had been amusing as I spent it hanging out with Jeremy in the daytime, drinking heaps of blood in between and drinking with Damon in the evening before I crashed on the couch. In a desperate manner I tried to convince myself that I had to spend my nights with him because I was sleeping in the living room and he wouldn't leave me alone anyway but the truth slowly dawned on me. I enjoyed his presence and he didn't judge me anymore for freaking out after I slept with him, my new therapy.

"As much as I enjoy this position, I fear that you'll be late for work if you don't start running in this very second, my love." He teased me and I cautiously took his offered hand that pulled me into a standing position in a swift movement. "That Gilbert kid can touch you all he wants and you are hesitant about taking my hand and that after last night?"

"Broken goods." I reminded him as I sucked two blood bags clean and shouldered the guitar case that had been occupying most of my time as well. I practiced like a madwoman out in the woods because I didn't want anyone to listen in on me because I felt inept and playing was a personal matter for me, nothing to share publically anymore.

"Well, then have a nice day at work. Send those kids my love, you know, with a small bite here and there." He said sarcastically and placed a soft kiss on my cheek, his lips barely brushing against my skin but I still squirmed and I saw him smirk in reaction, which only infuriated me even more since I was playing along to his games. I refused to look at him as I departed the house while he laughed unabashed and freely, washing away my anger. He deserved a bit of happiness after all, he had suffered enough in the past and still was in the present since his brother was crazily in love with Elena, who reminded him of the person he missed the most and who, I presumed, he was falling for as well. In my opinion, that was masochistic and he was destroying any chance he had of becoming relatively happy in his life by obsessing over past events. Hell, I would not get very far if I acted the way he did.

* * *

Still brooding over things that I could not change, I entered the kindergarten and anxiety took over as I asked myself for the thousandth time whether I could actually do this. After my outburst with Elena, I had to rethink my motives about this entire job and evaluate whether my blood lust could take over with these children around because I was sure that I would never forgive myself if it did. I could do this after I quenched my thirst thoroughly but now that I was around youngsters I could never slack with my consumption of blood or it would have bitter consequences.

"Morning." I mumbled as I stepped in and saw that the hassle was already in motion and Jane and the blonde supervisor were running around, making sure that all the children were attended to and that they changed into their slippers, putting their coats on the correct hooks that were marked by wooden plates with different animals etched into them.

"Very punctual, dear. First things first, good morning. You can deposit your things in the cupboard on the second room to the left." Jane chirped, pointing me in the right direction while she helped a little girl out of her boots.

With a quick wave in the direction of the children, I bounded down the hall and found the office Jane had meant and left my bag there, taking the guitar with me in its case. As I walked back into the play room, I couldn't help but notice the nasty look the blonde gave me and I immediately found her unattractive because of the way she acted. I hoped that she was at least nice to the young ones and didn't let her pent up emotions out on them when no one was looking. Promising myself to keep an extra attentive eye on her, I got to work and quickly found that my job was a whole lot more than simply entertaining the children with a bit of musical education.

Keeping up with their fast paced cheekiness was a whole lot of work and I tried to be as helpful as I could without standing in the way when the professionals ushered the children to order. The day started out with an assembly of sorts where each kid told the others what they had done this weekend and their insecurity was adorable when they spoke. Everyone had something to say about how they went for a walk, visited friends or learned how to say one thing or the other, everyone but Simon who simply sat there and refused to stand when it was his turn.

It seemed peculiar to me but it was his decision whether he wanted to share his days' events with the group or not and the supervisors didn't seem very worried so I pushed the thought aside that something was off. The day continued and my worry grew. Simon sat alone at lunch and hardly interacted with any of the other children at all while he sat at a small desk and drew a picture. Had I been wrong about him? He had seemed like such a lively and straightforward child and now he was quiet and reserved, refusing to talk to anyone who tried to encourage him to join in on the fun all the other children were having.

* * *

After lunch, it was my turn to shine and I strung the chords of the guitar to tune it up while everyone sat in a loose circle around me and placed the song book I had found in the case down on the carpet before me, opening it up to the first song. They were hesitant to join in at first but when they recognized the rhythm of the children's songs they knew and I repeated the lyrics to them slowly, they could hardly be stopped and sang jubilantly, even Simon who was apparently having a bad day. I didn't remember that I actually had low points at his age but if he was coming around again then it was alright with me that he had withdrawn himself from everyone before.

"Okay, everyone, we have time for one last song." I declared with a wide grin on my face when I noticed the first parents edging towards the door, waiting to pick up their sons and daughters. Their small faces grew pendant but Simon was already crawling into my lap and whispered a song title into my ear, which made me laugh and he looked up at me shyly in return. "Now why would you know that song?"

"My parents liked the band." He said with a shrug of his shoulders and went to sit down next to me, tapping his finger against the wooden back of the guitar. My eyes narrowed at the usage of the past tense and I made a mental note to myself to ask Jane about this when we were finished here to be as discreet as possible. I didn't want to encourage the gossip this town practically lived and breathed from.

"That's nice but I'm not sure if I know the entire song so we'll just have to see how far I get. We don't have much time anyway." I said, cheerfully as I tried to remember the words of the song and how it started.

_You say "yes", I say "no"._

_You say "stop" and I say "go, go, go."_

_Oh no._

_You say "goodbye" and I say "hello, hello, hello"._

_I don't know why you say "goodbye", I say "hello, hello, hello"._

_I don't know why you say "goodbye", I say "hello"._

_I say "high", you say "low"._

_You say "Why?" and I say "I don't know"._

_Oh no._

_You say "goodbye" and I say "hello, hello, hello"._

_I don't know why you say "goodbye", I say "hello"._

_Hello, goodbye, hello, goodbye. Hello, goodbye. Hello, goodbye._

Simon was the only one to sing along with me and we made quite the hilarious duet, parents and children alike erupted into a small round of applause for us and I gestured for him to bow at the end, which he did with a proud smile on his face. "Now it's my turn to say goodbye to you but I'll see you tomorrow."

Most of the children bid me goodbye cheerfully before running up to their parents but some couldn't wait and dashed into the waiting arms of their parents, making me smile sadly because I hardly remembered these times anymore when I had had something like a functioning family. Simon was picked up by a man that had a slight resemblance to him and I wondered whether my assumption about him had been wrong as we started cleaning up.

* * *

I was about to clear off the desk Simon had been working at when my eyes fell on the picture he had drawn, making my heart sink. He was standing on the grassy ground and over him in the clouds were two faces with yellow halos over their heads that smiled down on him. We kept all the drawn pictures in files for the children and I deposited it in Simon's folder that was surprisingly empty.

"The poor boy." Jane said behind me, startling me out of my reverie. "I assume you've already guessed why he's so silent?" She asked mildly, gesturing to the folder in my hands and I turned to look at the other picture. One stood out prominently, which showed him and another couple standing before two crosses on mounded heaps of dirt.

"How were his parents killed?" I asked softly, setting the folder back down into the cupboard I had taken it from in the first place.

"They were abroad a lot on business trips and the plane that was supposed to take them back home crashed." She explained to me, calmly. I simply stared at her in horror but I wasn't sure what was worse to me. The fact that Simon's parents died so tragically or that by the looks of it he might not have been better off if they were still alive. What use did it have that your parents were alive when they were never there?

"Thanks for telling me." I said, gloomily and stowed the guitar back in its case along with the song booklet.

A soft pat on the back shocked me out of my thoughts again as Jane went on to say. "No worries, dear. I consider you a part of the team already." She added kindly when I didn't say anything in return and her kindness made me smile again, tearing me away from thoughts of betrayal about my own father that might as well be dead as much good as he did me alive.

"She hasn't even proven herself worthy in her first week and you're already acting like she's been employed." The blonde spat from the doorway of the office, staring at me coldly. "You didn't let me start working here with such ease." She accused Jane and I took on a protective stance before the elderly woman and stared down the rude blonde. Who did she think she was to talk to Jane that disrespectfully? Hadn't her parents taught her any manners?

"That is because you are my daughter and I had to make sure that you really wanted to work in this profession. As long as I live, I will make the decisions considering this kindergarten because it belongs to me. Let yourself be reminded of that fact, Kendra." Jane said, sternly before turning on her heel. The irony of my thoughts hit me and I chuckled about my own ineptitude to see the relationship between the two but I still couldn't see any resemblance between Jane and Kendra, who seemed as different to me as day and night.

Kendra's nostrils flared as I made my amusement clear and I turned to leave quickly before she could decide on how to murder me because her glare was suggesting that she wanted to do so badly. I still didn't know what her problem was. Did she think that I was going to take away her mother's sympathy for her and end up inheriting the kindergarten? Because that was ridiculous but I sensed that it was close to the truth.

* * *

I stopped dead in my tracks when I stepped outside only to be met by Damon, clad in black as he always was and with an impatient expression on his face that turned into a wicked smile as he took in my frozen form. Quickly recovering, I started walking again but of course he wouldn't leave me alone and it was obvious that he wanted something as he fell in step next to me. "So you prefer playing the human just like my dear brother." He sneered, just as my phone vibrated in my pocket.

I drew it out and read the text message from Jeremy while I absentmindedly answered him. "It's not that much of an act really."

"It is." He retaliated coldly, snapping my attention back to him. "You'll realize I'm right soon enough when those you love die or betray you." I watched him curiously and shook my head at him because even though I knew his pain I still didn't understand why he lead the life he was leading. What I did understand was the fact that he couldn't give up when there was still a spark of hope that he could win back the one he loved. If I had any chance to bring my mother back from the dead, I knew that I would go to any lengths to get her back.

"Maybe." I conceded, looking down at the pavement we were walking along. There was still a lot that I didn't understand about Damon but right now he was one of the only people that I felt connected to and I didn't want to fight with him.

"So where are we heading?" He asked, a bit more cheerfully when silence ensued and I just stared at him incredulously while he grinned at me, mischievously. Was this man ever not up to no good?

"I don't know what you're doing but I've been invited to dinner." I informed him, waving my phone at him which he snatched from my hand. Protesting would have done me no good so I just shook my head at him exasperated as he read the message. It wasn't anything private so I didn't mind much. "You're impossible." I told him when he handed my cell phone back to me and I quickly put it back into the pocket of my jeans.

"And you should be more careful with your lover boy." He said, elbowing me into the side and I flinched away from him in annoyance.

"Do you always have to…" I exclaimed but controlled my anger just as fast as it had surfaced. "Whatever. Jeremy's not my lover and you're not either." I told him sternly when he raised a suggestive eyebrow at me. "So don't make assumptions."

"I wouldn't dare." He said in a mock innocent tone and I had the urge to punch him but it wouldn't be worth the panic that welled up in me when I thought about consciously touching someone. So I drew back the fist that I had already raised into his direction and took a deep breath because I was not going to let him manipulate me. "But be so kind and tell me what's going on between you and Elena's brother." He requested with a frown disfiguring his delicate features.

"Nothing really." I said with a shrug and thrust my hands into my pocket, only to smile up at him innocently. "So why again are you trying to give me advice concerning my nonexistent love life?" I asked, provocatively.

"I'm not." He said, defensively and my grin stretched across my face wider than before. "I'm just making sure that you don't infuriate Elena more than you're already doing. Your relationship to him is only going to cause trouble." He shot back and the smile vanished from my face and was replaced with a frustrated glare. Like I cared what that spoiled brat thought. If I wanted to be friends or something else with Jeremy, I would with no regard for how that might hurt her petty feelings.

"Don't tell me what to do." I said angrily as we turned into the road where the Gilberts lived and I sped up to cut this annoying conversation short before he managed to make me burst like a soap bubble, just like he intended to. He was only trying to get on my nerves but he still couldn't stop me from being friends with Jeremy and it wasn't his call to make anyway. The only person that could keep me away from my friend was Jeremy himself because I would respect his decision to end our friendship when it came.

"Very mature." Damon grumbled as he raced after me and I knocked on the door in rapid succession. "You're already acting like people his age but must I remind you that you're a bit older than he is and you'll eternally be like this." He motioned to me but I simply ignored him. I knew that he was right but it didn't concern me because there was nothing going on between Jer and me but good luck making that clear to these superficial idiots.

* * *

The object of my supposed desires opened the door and I was pulled into a human bear hug as he twirled me around and said. "I'm glad you could come. It would have been so boring without you." He said cheerfully, ignoring my halfhearted protests.

"Let me down, Jer." I said with a laugh and motioned to my back before I let my hands rest lightly on his shoulders. "Careful, the guitar. Careful!" I exclaimed gladly when he set me down and swung the case around so I could hold it in my hands and make sure that it wasn't destroyed in the process of being greeted.

"You can put it up into my room if you're this worried." He told me and snaked an arm around my shoulders to lead me up the stairs, away from Damon, Elena and Jenna that were engrossed in conversations that I still heard from upstairs but ignored for the greatest part. "How was your first day at work?" Jeremy asked me while I set the case onto his bed and turned around to follow him downstairs again.

"It was fine." I told him, his presence never failed to cheer me up and I enjoyed talking to him. "The children are a bunch of monsters that cannot be tamed but other than that the job is actually fun."

"Fun?" He repeated, pulling a face. "I thought that was the whole point about work, that it wasn't fun and you had to do it. But that sounds alright if you say so." He said quickly with his hands raised in surrender as we stepped into the living room where he started playing video games and I questioned him.

"So how are things going with Anna? Have you finally agreed to meet her or are you still refusing to consider her?" I teased him while I pulled my legs up to sit cross-legged next to him on the couch.

"I don't know, Ave. I mean she's attractive and fun to be around but she's a bit obnoxious and just won't leave me alone. She really wants to meet me and she can surely be persuasive but I don't know if I'm ready for someone else." He admitted and I patted his shoulder reassuringly as his face turned pensive, no doubt that he was thinking about Vicki.

"I understand and I miss her, too, but not doing anything at all won't bring her back." I told him quietly and felt a bit alarmed when I realized that I might have said too much since Jeremy didn't know that Vicki was not only out of town but was in fact deceased.

He looked up at me with sad eyes and murmured. "What if she comes back and I'm with someone else. She'd never forgive me, it feels like I would be giving up on her if I gave another girl a chance." He said feebly, his fingers tightening around the controller in his hands.

"If she comes back, she'll know that everything that happened while she was gone was irrefutably her own fault because it all wouldn't have happened if she had simply stayed." I snapped bitterly, thinking of how I had let her down by running away without her.

"Maybe, you're right." He told me distractedly just as Damon entered the room and joined in on his game without asking for permission, naturally. I let them have their fun and simply watched the screen with my head resting on Jeremy's shoulder.

His phone vibrated and he paused the game only to frown down at the screen while his eyes flashed over the message. "Is it her?" I asked, interestedly without looking over his shoulder because I thought that would be invading his privacy and I wasn't as rude as Damon.

"Uh, little Gilbert has a date?" Damon cooed, a devilish glint in his eyes when our gaze met and I just shook my head at him and his vulgar behavior. The race of the gentleman had officially died out in this timeline and I wondered what it would have been like to be alive a few centuries ago when moral codes were still applied.

"This girl Anna helped me with my history report and wants to meet me. I'm not sure if she actually wants to go on a date with me or wants to find out more about this journal she keeps asking me about." He said warily, the frown on his face deepening as he started typing a reply but I snatched the phone from his grip and he protested. "What? Avery, what the hell?"

"You're acting ridiculous and ruining your chances with her so I have to do something to get you back to your senses. Just go out with her and you'll find out for Christ's sake." I told him with a knowing smile on my lips.

"Are you talking about Jonathan Gilbert's journal perhaps? Elena told me about it." Damon hastily explained and I looked at him questioningly when I saw the frenzied, interested look in eyes. I was pretty sure that I had heard them talk about the journal before but I didn't understand why he wanted it this badly.

"Yeah, it's packed with stories about creatures of the night and strange occurrences in town like animal attacks, just like they're happening today." Jeremy responded but I could tell that Damon wasn't listening anymore, a pensive frown forming on his face. "Gave it to my history teacher, it seems like everyone is just dying to read my ancestor's diary."

"It sounds interesting enough." I offered with a calm smile on my face but my watchful eyes were registering each emotion that jumped across Damon's face and I got the strange feeling that he was up to no good once again.

"Yep, but let's eat, shall we? I'm starving and sick of talking about these mysterious, historical events." He joked and we both went over to the table but Damon excused himself and fled the scene, which struck me as odd but I reminded myself that I didn't actually want to know what he was up to.

* * *

After a wonderfully cooked meal, I left early saying I was tired but the truth was that I was heading to the cemetery to visit my mother's grave. My work reminded me of my own childhood a lot and maybe it would be comforting to feel a bit closer to my mother so I sought out her gravestone amongst the rows upon rows of graves.

Under normal circumstances I would have found it eerie to walk around a graveyard at night but since I was a powerful creature there was no reason to fear whatever the night held. I was the very thing people should be afraid to encounter at night, especially when I felt a bit of an emotional thunderstorm raging inside of me, as I read the inscription on the stone.

_Emalia Grayson_

_Caring Mother_

_Loving Wife_

Those words angered me immensely not because they hadn't been true but what worth did they have when that person was dead? They only reminded me of what I had lost and what had been broken when she was gone. My father would never be the same again and could no longer be a caring father to me, the father that I might have needed because as the grave stone said he had not only lost his wife but I had also lost my mother.

I carefully sat down before her untended grave and leaned my back against the stone behind me, trying to order my chaotic thoughts. It sounded like I was being egotistical but I didn't need pampering from my father, I only needed a spark of attention and to feel like he actually acknowledged my presence, that I existed in his world at all. That wasn't too much to ask, was it?

With hesitant fingers, I took the guitar out of its case and set it into my lap. My mother had always encouraged me and loved to hear me sing and play so she deserved a song. But I didn't know which one would suit her best and I started several times before my voice quietly sung a slower version of the song I had in mind.

_I got a one-way ticket on a hell-bound train_

_with nothing to lose and nothing to gain._

_Nobody ever taught me how to live._

_I'm feeling like I'm lost, like I'll never be found._

_I'm twisted and I'm turned around._

_Nobody ever taught me how to love._

_I'm hurting everybody, I'm hurting myself._

_I'm desperate._

_So what do you do_

_when it all comes down on you? _

_Do you run and hide_

_or face the truth?_

_So what do you do_

_when it all comes down on you?_

_Do you run and hide_

_or face the truth?_

_If you were to tell me that I'd die today_

_this is what I'd have to say._

_I never really had the time to live._

_And if you were to give me just another chance,_

_another life, another dance,_

_all I really want to do is love._

_I'm hurting everybody, I'm hurting myself._

_I'm desperate._

_So what do you do…_

I froze midway when I heard footsteps come closer to me and my fingers pulled on the strings as my body's muscles tensed in response to the sound I had heard, making a disharmonic sound echo through the night eerily. When I saw Damon stop before my legs I visibly relaxed and set the guitar back into its case because I refused to play in front of him even though my fingers itched to complete the song. His distressed expression made me jump to my feet and I worriedly asked. "What happened?" My voice cracked and I frowned because I hadn't noticed how soar my throat was all the sudden.

"I could ask you the same." He barked, motioning to my strange position, standing in a graveyard with a guitar. I held a hand up to my face since he was staring at me strangely and I felt the wetness of tears. I turned my head away from him and wiped them away. When had I started crying?

"What's that?" I motioned to the tattered book he clutched in his hand, distracting him from whatever he thought I was doing here as I sat back onto the ground.

He took a seat next to me and showed me the strange book, holding it up triumphantly. "This is the key to freeing Katherine, this is Emily Bennett's spell book, her grimoire." The radiant smile on his lips was breathtakingly beautiful and it made me smile in return.

"I'm happy for you." I told him simply and set my hand on his to trace the spine of the leather bound book that would bring him back the one he loved. "I hope she can make you happy." I whispered, my eyes glued to the inscription on the gravestone before us.

"I only have to find the spell that she used to seal the tomb and then a witch to reverse it. She's so close, I can almost feel her." He said, dreamily and I suddenly wondered if anyone would ever look at me like that. He gently traced circles on my palm and I enjoyed his touch for a few moments because this was the Damon that I had hope to catch a glimpse of, the person that was content and could live down his bitter past. His success made me feel like I might be able to come out of this unscathed and stronger than before.

"That's good." I replied and leaned my head against the stone behind me, letting my eyelids shut before I blurted out. "You miss her a lot, don't you?"

"With her around, I felt so good and I've never felt like that again. I want her back and I would do anything for her so don't get in my way." He nudged me playfully and smirked at me.

"I wouldn't dare." I countered with a soft smile, raising my hands in surrender. We sat in silence for several moments and I felt a bit more alive in the soothing darkness than I had in a long time.

Damon was the one to break the silence, by grumbling. "It's nice to know that someone is on my side, even my own brother doesn't trust me enough to involve me in his plans."

"What did he do?" I asked, curiously.

"Elena and him acted like they were agents on some kind of mission and kept me out of everything. They went behind my back to get this." He scoffed, clutching the book with both hands.

"I don't like them." I stated, my brows pulling together.

Damon laughed and helped me up, even took my guitar case and carried it for me as he chuckled. "That's what I like about you." He declared and wrapped an arm around my shoulders, which I decided not to shake off for the moment.

* * *

**Disclaimer: **The lyrics are from 'Hello, Goodbye' by The Beatles and 'What Do You Do?' by Papa Roach.


	7. Fool Me Once

**7 – Fool Me Once**

"Damon, just tell me where Anna lives and I'll leave you alone." Stefan begged and my eyes flashed open because of the edge of desperation that I heard in his voice.

"Rise and shine, Miss Grayson." Damon chimed, completely ignoring his brother's request and he ruffled my hair as he passed me and I feebly raised a frustrated fist into his direction. I got up slowly from my position on the couch and stretched my cramped muscles before I stepped around the two arguing brothers to get myself some blood.

"I'm sorry." Stefan exclaimed suddenly and I nearly dropped the blood bag in my hand when he continued. "I'm sorry that you lost Katherine because of me but don't take this out on Elena. You have every reason to hate me but don't let her die. Please."

I flashed back upstairs and glowered at Stefan who looked completely pathetic as I picked up the some clothes and quickly went to change in the bathroom. This was Damon's fight and I didn't want to be pulled into it but I still hadn't forgiven Stefan for killing Vicki and now he just came along to ask for Damon's help. I despised him so deeply in that moment that it was better that I wasn't in the room as the confrontation continued. Stefan was Damon's brother and he only cared for him when he needed his help, when he could use him for his own purposes. His demeanor was cruel and if I was Damon I would let him run against the wall full speed for being such a hypocrite. "Elena might as well be dead, for all I care." He said, coldly.

"You gave her your blood." Stefan accused him angrily. "What if it hasn't left her system?" My hand froze on the doorknob and I stayed inside of the bathroom for several moments, trying to sort out my conflicted emotions. I had come to terms with becoming a vampire but could I wish my fate upon any other person? As much as Elena annoyed me I was sure that I would feel guilty if it was my fault she was turned because you lost a lot as a woman. Especially the fact that I would never have children of my own still spooked me and reminded me of the fact that I needed to go to work.

"How many times do I have to say this, Stefan? I don't care." Damon sneered and decided that I didn't want to witness this family feud anymore and I needed to get going anyway.

I stood before a distressed Stefan and Damon was already gone when I stepped out of the bathroom. The anxiety in his eyes made me feel sorry for him but not enough to let myself be pulled into their world of intrigue and hatred, no thank you. "Avery, do you know where Anna might have taken Elena?"

"Now you want my help?" I said evenly and continued with narrowed eyes. "Where were you when Vicki needed help adjusting? Oh right, you killed her because your precious Elena didn't watch out for herself." I snarled sarcastically and slammed the door behind me. I had been unaware of how much Vicki's death still affected but it was clear that I wasn't going to get over my issue with Stefan soon.

* * *

My mind was still spinning and I was still fuming when I arrived at the kindergarten and only when Simon pulled at my skirt did I realize how violently I was chopping the carrots before me. There were already deep ridges in the wooden board and the pieces were ragged. Simon watched me with wide eyes and whimpered. "You're mad. Is it because I didn't talk to you yesterday?"

"No, no, no." I said urgently, patting the young boy's arm reassuringly. "It had nothing to do with you. How are you feeling today?" I asked quickly before the sharp boy could ask any more of his inquisitive questions.

"Alright." He said offhandedly with a shrug of his tiny shoulders. His eyes lit up with excitement and he was nearly jumping up and down as he asked. "Can we play the song from yesterday again?"

An endearing smile spread on my lips and we walked back to the play room together as I asked carefully. "Don't you want to hear a different song?"

He shook his head as he lead me to the drawing table, taking my small hand in his tiny hand to drag me along. "No, the others liked the song, too, and they want to learn how to sing it."

Another girl jogged over to where Simon sat in the small chair specially designed for children while I kneeled before the table and exclaimed, gleefully. "Yes, when I'm grown up I want to be able to sing just like you."

Simon frowned and muttered. "Don't be silly, no one can sing as good as Miss Grayson." His grave tone almost made me laugh but I knew that he would feel offended if I did and he was complementing me so I shouldn't stab him in the back.

The little girl's face darkened and I intervened before they started fighting. "That's sweet of you, Sim, but I'm sure that Alison could be able to learn to sing much better than me if that's what she really wants and practices a lot." I encouraged the girl and she grinned at me brilliantly, huffed at Simon and disappeared again, running over to some other girls that were playing with wooden, colored bricks.

I tried to spend most of my time with Simon because he was so talkative today but there were other things I had to take care of and I didn't want to leave a bad expression on Jane in the first week for seemingly being lazy. Lunch was easily prepared because I had already chopped all ingredients beforehand and after it was devoured in the most chaotic manner with lots of shouting on both sides of this war against bad table manners, redundant complaints about what the children would rather eat and whatever tragedy struck before we could ensue with singing and dancing the new choreography that we worked on.

The children waved hello and goodbye, held up their palms to stop an invisible force, ran on the spot and held their hands high and low to match the song's lyrics. It was adorable but also exhausting to teach them how to sing the song and at the end of the day I was exhausted of playing the same song over and over again. But the children were happy and I was content with my work, earning myself a pleased grin and a satisfied nod from Jane.

* * *

"I thought those kids would never get sick of that song." Damon scoffed, leaning against the doorway that I was just about to step out of with his arms crossed tightly before his chest.

I laughed a short, surprised burst of laughter and bit my lip to say. "Tell me about it." We exchanged a challenging glance and he raised a daring eyebrow which I just smirked at.

In the blink of an eye, we started racing to the Salvatore boarding house and were before the door in just a moment. "You have a nice voice." Damon complimented and stepped inside while I stood frozen outside, shocked by his sudden remark.

I quickly entered behind him and shook my head in denial. "Not really." Pouring myself a glass of whiskey, I frowned at the crystalline flacon and plopped down onto the couch to look down at my hands that were cold and white. They traced the lines of the guitar case and I wondered how many other phobias and neuroses I would still discover. I was still so far from recovery and I was unsure whether I would ever be the same again but I sure as hell would try at the very least.

"You do." Damon remarked offhandedly, swirling the content of his own glass but I tried to ignore his annoyingly velvety voice as he spoke. "It's an honest compliment so just be a good girl and thank me, will you?"

"Just shut up about it already." I yelled suddenly, the glass in my hand bursting in my tightened grip and the sharp shards pierced my skin, making me jump up in aggravation. "Damn." I cursed and pulled the glass pieces out of my hand, letting the blood flow freely down my wrist as I held my fingers up to look at the already healing cuts.

"Touchy." Damon sneered and stood before me with only a hairsbreadth of distance between us. I was about to tell him to back off but he grabbed my hand before I could speak and my jaw clenched uncomfortably as he licked the blood from my fingers sensually. "And she's quiet again." He mused and wiped a speck of blood from the corner of his mouth.

I turned my head away from him in frustration and to hide the sudden arousal I felt at his touch because I didn't want to feel this way or let him know how I felt. "Just back off." I grumbled and sat back down onto the couch, pulling the uncaringly discarded guitar case onto my lap and drumming my fingers against the weathered leather.

Damon raised his hands in surrender and downed the drink in his hand before knocking interrupted whatever he had been about to say. He flashed to the door and the whiff of her blood made my mouth water and I groaned, angrily.

"Just what I needed to make my day." I whispered to myself and simply took a swig of the bottle, not bothering to get myself a new glass. Hopefully the alcohol would smother my longing before I attacked either Elena or Damon in one way or the other so I gulped down the amber liquid before I could do any damage to someone's veins or my own self-respect.

"I talked Bonnie into helping us and…" Elena froze midway when she saw me lounging on the couch and I simply raised the bottle to her in a mock toast and tried to turn my attention elsewhere but there wasn't anything there to distract me.

"Go ahead, act like I'm not here. Not like that's a real challenge to you." I sneered and swung my legs onto the couch to lay on my back and stare at the ceiling with the guitar cradled against my body, resting my hands on the top of the case and stroking the leather absentmindedly.

Damon chuckled but his face hovered over mine and he looked at me in bemusement but with a surge of bewilderment as if to ask me why I was acting like such a brat but I just shook my head at him with a faint smile on my lips and he accepted my lack of an answer to his unsaid question. Occasionally, I could not help but feel grateful for his presence. He retreated and I sat up to pluck the strings of the guitar that I took out of its case to calm my nerves and finally give myself a distraction from the strange conversation that I felt like I shouldn't actually be witnessing.

"You were saying?" Damon demanded impatiently, turning his attention to Elena who looked at me uncertainly but decided to go on just as well.

"I talked Bonnie into helping us and she's going to help us open the tomb." She told him calmly, holding her ground and staring into his eyes relentlessly.

"I don't believe you." He snapped and his rejection made my heart swell with pride and the tune that I was playing increased in tempo, my fingers blurring across the wooden handle. The music was intense and fast paced but very quiet and I doubted that Damon or Elena even registered that I was there at all but I didn't mind.

Sometimes it was better when you were invisible to other people than if they saw you clearly and decided to make you theirs. I had drawn Bryan's attention to myself and it was the very thing that I would like to change if I could change anything in my life at all. It wasn't offensive to me when others ignored me or walked on by on the streets without even acknowledging my existence with a nod or a wave, that was alright. It was only natural to look at all the people around you and not actually see them, it wasn't natural to look at a person you hardly know and see them as something they would never be.

Bryan had thought that there was something going on between us even though we didn't know each other at all. That wasn't right and had ended in violence. My dark thoughts kept me from following the conversation and I was taken aback when Elena mentioned the trip to Georgia that I had witnessed on the fringe as well. "You could have manipulated me but you didn't because you trust me. Whatever is going on between us is real and you know it. I know that my betrayal hurt you but let me help you get Katherine back and then you can decide whether you want to trust me or not." Elena pleaded and I struck the strings of my guitar in an odd angle, which caused my song to dance out of tune and I completely stopped playing as I watched the scene before me unfold into something too intimate for me to witness. Elena took off her vervaine filled necklace and their faces were so close together that even I felt the suspense and sexual tension between the two as she insisted, intensely. "Ask me again if I'm lying."

The seconds ticked by as Damon sized her up with the silver necklace in her outstretched hand and my fingernails carved wooden shavings out of the handle of the guitar as I watched his face harden as he said. "You must know that there will be no stopping me until I have Katherine back." His elegant hand closed around the necklace and he clasped it around her neck, his face softening. "I trust you, Elena. Don't make me regret it." He added threateningly, making my eyebrows pull together as I felt a stab of pain flare at his words.

It took me a while to pinpoint why I felt hurt by what he had said but I realized that I felt betrayed by him. I had been aware of his feelings for Elena but it hadn't been clear to me just how much they influenced his behavior. He would forgive her anything because for him she was a better version of Katherine and it would only be a matter of time before he would fall for her completely and irrevocably. Where would my place be in this sick love triangle?

I felt like I had no place here with him and before it felt like we could be some kind of accomplices, just us two against the world, but now I knew that that was the foolish thinking of a naïve girl. It was the thinking of a girl that I no longer wanted to be because all this mentality about believing in the good in everyone had only brought pain upon me and I wouldn't allow it to happen again.

As Damon led Elena out of the house and to the tomb that held the love of his life, I decided that this life I was leading wasn't real. I was a pretender that acted like he could live this small life, working in a kindergarten, helping Warren out in the kitchen just because I felt like it, hanging out with Jeremy. A human might be able to live like that but I was no longer human and I was sure that I hadn't fully accepted my new nature yet and was only living like this to cling to the last bits of my humanity.

"My love, are you coming or not?" Damon chirped from the doorway and my head snapped up in agitation at the sound of his voice, tearing me away from my train of thoughts. He waggled his eyebrows at me and pocketed a blood bag, holding out his hand to me even though he knew that I wouldn't touch it.

But what else could I do? I could always run away again but something held me in place as I looked into Damon's beautiful face that was shining with joy, concerning the events that would happen tonight. For now, I would succumb to my urge to hold onto the past just to stay human. I didn't know how long it would last but there was nowhere else for me to go.

* * *

I trailed along behind Damon and Elena, thrusting my hands into my pockets and staring at the ground in frustration about my own ineptitude. What the hell was I doing here? "Avery Grayson?!" Someone exclaimed, grabbing my arm and I cringed as a reaction to not only the unwanted attention but also the unexpected touch that was currently invading my very delicate private space.

"Tyler?" I muttered in astonishment when I recognized the attractive youth who was staring at me eagerly. The way his eyes roamed over my body made me feel uncomfortable and vulnerable, making me want to punch his arrogant face.

"You're back in town. Good, it's been boring without anyone as daring and reckless as you." He said as if it was meant to be a complimented but his words only made me feel more damageable. "I've already asked Jeremy but he's becoming all 'good boy' on me. So do you have anything on you?" He asked expectantly but I only stared at him insensibly until he made a smoking motion with his hand, finally letting go of my arm.

My eyes narrowed and my face darkened as I grumbled. "Do us both a favor and leave me alone." I turned to leave but he was quite insistent and grabbed my arm again and I was fighting the growing urge to rip it out of his socket. "Don't touch me." I hissed, backing up again but he wasn't getting out of the way.

"Oh, come on. You're known for being undemanding when it comes to men, an easy catch so to say." He whispered suggestively and I suddenly felt sick when I felt his hot breath on my face. I shoved him away a bit too hard and he fell to the ground hard but I didn't care. My heightened emotions wanted to kill him on the spot and if I didn't control myself now, I knew that I wouldn't be able to stop myself from sucking this jerk dry.

* * *

I fled the scene of the party and searched for the tomb's entrance, taking my place against one of the stone walls to watch the witches work on the spell that would give Damon everything he wanted. Would I actually be happy for him like I had once said? It was more likely that I would be jealous that he got what he wanted while I didn't even know what it was that I needed to move on. It was wrong for me to wish more misery upon him but I felt connected to the depressed, slightly crazed Damon and not the exuberant Damon that wouldn't care whether I lived or died.

I attempted to clear my head by shaking my head and massaged my temples as the chanting began, asking myself whether it was of any kind of meaning what Damon thought of me since I never cared what others thought of me. He forced this bloody lifestyle upon me so there was no need for me to be friendly towards him but he was something close to a friend, somebody that I shared a connection with that I didn't want severed. Forcing a smile onto my face, I went over to him and patted his arm reassuringly as he grew more impatient and agitated.

"It's working." The elderly witch stated coldly and my first instinct was to run away from this frighteningly powerful woman and put as much as distance as I could between myself and Mystic Falls but I would stand my ground.

"I'll go get the flamethrower." Stefan stated mildly and I accompanied him wordlessly, taking my first chance to escape the situation that might drive me away from Damon, which would probably be for my own good but I felt conflicted. There was something about him that made me want to believe in the old me again, the one that knew there was something desirable in everyone. "You know that I don't need your help, right?" Stefan said once we were outside.

"Yeah, I know." I said with a sigh while we trudged through the grass and I felt relieved to be above ground again, away from the happy scene that would unfold beneath my feet. Just because I wasn't the most optimistic of people didn't mean that I had to suffer unnecessarily by watching Damon get back Katherine while I was stuck without the slightest chance of getting back my mother, the person that might have eased my suffering.

Stefan chuckled beside me and my eyes narrowed in anticipation of whatever it would be he had to say. "I thought you were one of the only people that would be sincerely happy for my brother." His face lit up in amusement as my face went slack with shock and he continued since I was nowhere close to reacting. "I don't blame you, he's a monster." He grumbled and I felt anger kindle within me.

"He's not." I snapped angrily, crossing my arms tightly across my chest.

Stefan stared at me in horror but before I could say anything in Damon's defense he burst out laughing and chirped, disbelievingly. "Or do you have a serious case of beauty and the beast going on? Of all the people in the world, you fall for my narcissistic, unsympathetic brother?! He's the last person that could make someone like you happy." He ranted and my annoyance only grew with each word that tumbled out of his mouth. Who did he think he was?

"Someone like me?" I mumbled evenly, my fury burning coldly inside of me. The amusement was finally washed off of his face when he noticed just how much anger boiled beneath my still cool exterior.

Before he could respond to my furious reaction, a dark haired girl appeared in front of us who was accompanied by another vampire that held an unconscious Jeremy. "Anna?" Stefan said, cautiously eyeing the precarious situation of Elena's beloved brother.

"I'm going to get my mother out of the tomb." The pretty brunette stated and my anger peaked again as I wondered why she was even interested in Jer. She was only using him and I despised her for taking advantage of him after all he had been through in the last year. He would have deserved a small glimmer of happiness, someone to lead him out of the darkness and not deeper into it. Anna took a step forward and both Stefan and I took a protective stance before the entrance of the tomb but she simply smirked at our aggressive behavior. "If you don't get out of the way, Ben will kill Jeremy and just imagine how devastated Elena would be if you let her brother die." Her cruelty might be shocking for Stefan but I understood how she felt. When my mother first died I wanted her back so badly that if I had been a vampire I would have most likely gone on a killing spree but right now she was threatening to hurt my friend and not just anyone so my sympathy was misplaced.

She was only looking at Stefan who quickly gave up and let her dash around him to disappear underground but my eyes were fixed on the boyish vampire before me and his death grip around Jer's neck. My muscles quivered and twitched in rage but I held back the violent instinct that took over me because Ben could snap Jeremy's neck just as quick as I could attack him.

"You're exchangeable for Anna and you will gain nothing out of this." Stefan sneered at Ben and I decided that his course of action was probably more clever than mine so I played along to his game, shutting my mouth with an audible snap.

Yet Ben simply shrugged his shoulders and declared. "I already have what I want. Eternal life." He lunged at Stefan which was the stupidest thing he could have done since we teamed up on him instantly. I flashed behind him and plunged my hand into his chest instantly, yanking it back out with his heart in my hand, which looked almost black and not dark red in the dim lighting. Fire engulfed Ben's body with Stefan pointing the flamethrower at him, forcing me to jump back from the licking flames.

* * *

I went over to check how Jeremy was doing and was relieved to find that he was alright but still unconscious so I went back into the tomb with a sinking feeling in my gut as I descended underground. Chaos ensued when I got to the threshold with Elena tumbling straight into my arms and I ground my teeth against my first instinct but still stepped away from her decidedly, holding her at arm's length with my hands encircled around her forearms tightly, trying to control the trembling in my hands in reaction to touching someone. "What happened?" I forced out through clenched teeth when I took in her frightened face, the fresh blood seeping out of her wrist and the wild look in her eyes.

"Damon and Stefan… they can't get out of the tomb… the vampires in there." She stuttered and tried to control her voice again. "Anna fed one of them with my blood and now the spell has to work to get Stefan out." She said determinately and turned to the two witches in the tomb and I felt like I could breathe again when her body was no longer touching mine and I sagged against the wall in relief, watching rather than doing anything. I wouldn't be of much help to anyone in my confused state anyway so I tried to sift through my turmoil of thoughts.

Anna stumbled out of the tomb and the spell must have been working because she was supporting a frail looking woman that must be her mother. My face became a mask of pain as I watched the overly joyous girl get what I wished for more than anything in my life, to see my mother again even if it was just for a moment. To see her smile again, to hear her bell like laugh and to feel the warmth of her embrace one last time.

Agony overwhelmed me and I let myself fall to the ground, placing my head between onto my knees to calm myself again but my breath was already coming raggedly and irregularly and I knew that there was no way that I could stay here any longer, letting other people watch me break down. But when I looked around there were hardly any people to watch me. The witches were preoccupied with their spell, their expressions locked in tight concentration and Elena was nowhere to be seen just like Damon and Stefan. Shouldn't they be out of the tomb by now? My head was spinning and my hands gripped the sides of my skull, desperate to regain some sort of control over my body.

This immobile feeling was what tortured me the most. My feelings were raging inside me but my body felt numb and like it belonged to someone else, out of my reach. This out of body experience made me feel so weak and so unnatural because it felt like nobody else could be living through something like this. They all didn't appreciate the control they had with no nightmares haunting their soul and no frozen muscles working against you.

The wondrous trio finally stumbled out of the tomb and the witches collapsed in exhaustion, snapping me out of my hysteria. My eyes met Damon's and in that moment I could imagine that he felt the way that I did when somebody touched me. Everything was reeling out of his grasp and he looked petrified, enraged and agonized at the same time, his feelings conflicting in a never ending battle for domination.

But there was something else also lurking beneath my surface, threatening to tear me apart. It felt like my heart sang when I saw that his gaze was glued to mine just like mine was to his. My whole body tingled with the strange sensation that made me feel like my heart would start beating again any minute and that's when Stefan's words from before hit me. Was I falling for Damon?

He mistook my pained expression for compassion, which I of course felt for him but not at the moment, and took several steps towards me until we stood a hairsbreadth apart, making my discomfort grow immensely when I was caught up in his anguished, icy blue eyes. It could only be a crush, an unnatural fling of my heightened emotions, right? There was no way that Damon would be the first person I fell in love with, I wouldn't allow it but as he pulled me into his arms, nearly crushing me against his body, I felt so helpless. I couldn't help him get over Katherine and I could not help myself out of my confusion with him around. So what would I do now?

Damon let go of me and walked out of the tomb to like a zombie. He seemed to be numb and was still not able to grasp what had happened down there. I watched him go and it took me a moment to realize that his touch hadn't bothered me at all and I ran through the forest for hours to escape my bewilderment and to not have to face the object of my perplexity.


	8. A Few Good Men

**8 – A Few Good Men**

I woke up in the woods nestled on a bed of leaves and with the numb feeling of a hangover even though I hadn't drunken a single drop in quite a while, which would probably change today. I groaned as the reminiscence of last night came down on me like a waterfall and got up unwillingly, brushing dirt and debris from my clothes. My head throbbed uncomfortably and thirst burned at the back of my throat, reminding me of the mess that I was in.

Trudging through the forest, I pondered what l would do now. Damon had been the one that brought me into this mess in the first place by turning me and now I seemed to be developing some sort of feelings for him, which was driving me insane. But on the other hand, it was positive, I assumed, that I at least had the chance to fall in love at all since I would have never cared for anyone in the state that I had been in before my transformation. So my eyes fell on one of the first people that had befriended me, it was probably just a coincidence, a leap of fate.

It didn't matter really because I wasn't going to act upon it. Falling for Damon Salvatore would be the end of me, I was sure of it. So I would go on with my life just as before and try to keep my distance to the attractive man or maybe I wouldn't since that would be suspicious. Whatever, I would see what happened when the situation came around and not worry unnecessarily.

The sound of teeth ripping into flesh and the wafting scent of blood drew me in to encounter a strange scene with a man draining the blood of a camper. He looked like he was from another time and I watched curiously as he undressed and stole the camper's clothes to assimilate to his surroundings and I waited before he was completely clothed again before I stepped into his sight to nip at the man's neck but groaned in annoyance when I found that he was sucked try although the lack of a heartbeat should have been an obvious clue. "Damn, I'm hungry." I muttered, kicking a rock aside to let out my frustration.

"I apologize deeply, miss. If I had known that such a lovely lady was around and hungry, I might have spared you a drop or two." The handsome lad offered kindly and I marveled at his odd usage of words.

A smile spread on my lips but it must have looked animalistic since my features were twisted in the mask of a monster, my hunger leaving me unbalanced. "No problem. You look hungrier than I feel." I said cautiously, not wanting to insult him but his face was sunken and his skin obviously ashen even though it contradicted with his dark skin.

He grimaced but spoke freely as if the sound of his own voice surprised him. "It can't be denied but where are my manners? You may call me Harper, pleased to make your acquaintance." He spoke gallantly and gave me a slight bow and I wondered whether I could curtsy without making a fool of myself.

I chuckled softly and decided against embarrassing myself before this good-looking and well spoken young man. "I'm Avery, nice to meet you, too." He held a hand out to me and in the spur of the moment I settled my hand into his without thinking of the consequences, letting him brush his lips against my knuckles and release my hand again in an elegant movement. The way he touched my hand was reassuring as if I was precious to him even though he didn't know me at all. I still slipped my hands into my pockets quickly as the familiar sense of panic swept over me but I tried to hide it as best as I could.

"Am I making you uncomfortable?" Harper asked, looking genuinely concerned but I just shook my head at him and tried to give him a reassuring smile. "I'm sorry but the feeling of freedom is so overwhelming that I feel unstoppable right now." His eyes shone with wonder and glee as we walked back to town and his good mood was so infectious that it almost slipped my mind how odd his words were.

"Freedom? So you were captured?" I mused in confusion but gasped when I realized where this stranger might have come from, making my eyes narrow in suspicion and I widened the distance between us in a precaution to keep him away from me. "You were locked inside the tomb underneath the Fell Church in the 1860s." I stated, evenly.

His eyes widened in response but other than that the satisfied grin stayed on his face but my suspicion didn't lessen. "Correct, how did you know?"

"I was there when the tomb was opened." I grumbled more out of a reflex to answer than because I actually wanted to converse with this vampire. I was quite sick of vampires at the moment actually. Couldn't I just have normal encounters with normal people and not paranormal happenings with creatures like myself? "I have to go."

I turned and was about to start running when Harper called after me. "You'll have to tell me how it was done. How about at dinner sometime?" He asked, cautiously and his uncertainty was a welcome surprise because most guys that I knew were too sure of themselves.

"Maybe." I told him quickly and disappeared, dashing through the streets of Mystic Falls so quickly that no human pair of eyes could have spotted me and exhilaration took over my body for several seconds before I stopped abruptly before my destination.

* * *

The sound of music drifted to my ears and accompanied by the smell of alcohol and blood made me cringe because there could only be one person partying at this time of day. With shocking clarity I realized that I was already late and cursed myself for being such a snooze occasionally, a real airhead.

I flashed through the house in a blur of motion and got changed, picked up the guitar case and was about to leave again, completely ignoring the half naked, bloody college students that were dancing around Damon but my hunger stopped me dead in my tracks along with his velvety voice that sneered. "Where were you last night, my love? I was lonely and could have used someone to cuddle up against at night." His voice was dripping with sarcasm and I flinched away from him and nearly choked on the blood bag I was sucking dry.

"Yeah, right." I coughed nervously, hastily pouring myself some whiskey because I wasn't going to be able to satiate my hunger completely so I would go along with smothering it until I had the time to properly hunt something living. Living from bottled up blood was making me edgy and the bite marks on the women surrounding me smelt tantalizingly beautiful.

My eyes were fixed on the lightly bleeding wounds and even when Damon cleared his throat in amusement it took me several seconds to tear my gaze from the blood, which was making my head spin. I needed to feed immediately but I didn't want to drink from these uninhibited, lightly clad women so I gulped down the alcohol before me but a nagging thought in the back of my mind kept me from refilling my glass. I was still late for work. "Avery!" Damon called from his lounging position on the couch and his expression was mildly concerned when my head snapped into his direction but it soon melted into amusement and the mischievous smirk he always wore. "I asked you a question." He said slowly, pronouncing each word separately as if I was a child.

I grimaced and downed another glass of the burning fluid against my better judgment but he was simply too irritating and I was still unnerved by all that had happened last night and this morning and in my overall messed up life. "Why would you care?" I grumbled to myself, glaring at my hands darkly before I contained my bitterness and took control of my facial expression again. Damon stood right in front of me when I looked up, making me snarl and jump back with my face twisting into the mask of a thirsty hunter.

How was I going to control this at work? I inwardly cursed at myself repeatedly before distracting Damon by toasting, repeating the words he once had said to me. "To misery." His facial expression froze and for a moment I could see his pain but I couldn't care much for his agony right now because I was so preoccupied by my burning desire for a bit of warm blood. I set down the glass in a flash and stood before a petite, blonde woman and commanded, evenly. "Don't move." My teeth pierced her skin after I bended forward enough to reach her without touching her any more than I had to.

The girl collapsed from the blood loss and I retreated, wiping my mouth and feeling disgusted with myself for taking advantage of her but at least I didn't kill her. It was saddening to realize that I had become whatever it was that I currently was but I was ripped out of my down spiraling thoughts by Damon's hand that rested on my elbow. I enjoyed the warmth of his hand but couldn't help but notice the paradox circumstance that his body only felt warm because he had spent his time drinking the blood of this probably not so innocent but yet still powerless girls. They seemed like mere girls to me in their naivety but it wasn't actually their fault since Damon was just this alluring, thanks to compulsion.

What was I thinking? I clamped a frustrated hand against my face and turned towards the door to leave Damon to his fun but a quick arm snaked around my waist and I was pulled against his chest with his chin resting on my shoulder so that he could whisper into my ear huskily. "You're so harsh, you only use me to sate your needs. Do you not even have enough time for a proper hug?" He asked seductively and to my own surprise I actually managed an anxious chuckle instead of a terrified squeal at his closeness. I knew that he was only playing with me and waiting for me to react accordingly but not today.

"You asked for it." I reminded him cheekily as I twisted in his grip and placed my arms around his neck, burying my head in his shoulder and balling my hands to fists to hide the trembling. For a moment, I felt him stiffen which was actually quite amusing since I was frightened of a stranger's touch but he visibly relaxed and locked me into a tight hug. I breathed in and out evenly but I felt myself growing more nervous by the moment but I suddenly had the urge to console him so I told him quietly. "It's completely normal for you to still miss her, no matter what she did to you."

His grip on me tightened again and I wasn't sure whether that was supposed to reassure me or send me into a complete frenzy. "Whatever, I don't care." He abruptly said and the moment he released me I was halfway across the room and up against the wall, breathing heavily. "Easy, my love, I have enough people around to entertain me so you won't have to go through the hassle of my company." He sneered bitterly, waving around at the women who crowded him on the couch.

There was no justifying reason for my heart to be sinking and aching at his words, the words that put me into my place as his toy to take out of the shelf whenever he wanted me. It hurt but I would rather suffer quietly than tell him how I really felt, which would only push him away further from me than he already was. God, what did I care? I had to get my act together already because falling for someone like Damon was going to destroy whichever happiness I might be able to achieve because he would never return my feelings, whatever those were. I rolled my eyes at my own foolishness and emptied another drink before heading towards the door without a goodbye to the split personality that was amusing himself with a particularly pale blonde.

* * *

I nearly bumped into Stefan on my way outside but reeled away from him just in time, making him stare at me oddly but he was more interested in what was happening behind me. This should have been the moment for me to disappear silently but I wondered what the brothers would chat about so I stood awkwardly in the doorway and watched Stefan turn of the music and Damon protest loudly. I crossed my arms in wonder as they bickered like a couple of siblings would in any normal circumstance except that Damon had had his heart ripped out and the only words that he spoke dripped of sarcasm so his only reply to Stefan's request for a civilized conversation was a bitter sneer. "Well, I told you I would be able to open the tomb and I did even though I didn't free Katherine in the process."

"Damon." Stefan said warningly in a strangled tone as he took in the bite marks on the college girls around him but I was sure that he was also in distress about Damon's condition, which was not at all normal even though he was acting disturbingly calm.

"Don't worry about the girls, they'll find their way back to their apartments safely when I'm done with them." He assured his brother with a wave of his hand and I felt relieved that he wouldn't kill them. I didn't expect him to be this gracious but it left me with a glimmer of hope that not all was lost concerning this annoyingly self-righteous vampire."What do you care anyway? I'm free to do whatever I want without it being of your concern." Damon said threateningly and for a moment I feared that he would do something reckless in this menacing state of mind that he was in but I was not his babysitter. I wasn't even sure whether he was my friend or not. I jumped when he addressed me next, tearing me out of my thoughts again and I felt myself blush, feeling caught since my thought were subconsciously revolving around him constantly. "Weren't you leaving?" He said gruffly, making my eyebrows pull together in mystification.

His sudden mood swings were infuriating and I was getting tired of being thrown around like a rag doll so with dangerously narrowed eyes I whirled around and left quickly, my stride lengthened by my anger against this handsome lunatic.

* * *

In the blink of an eye, I was at work and trying to calm down again before Simon felt guilty once more because he thought that I was angry with him when I was really just puzzled about myself and my feelings towards a very frustrating vampire. Taking several deep breaths, I finally gained the courage to enter and put on a guilty smile because up until now I was more than just a little late.

The day flew by in a series of games and songs but my thoughts were elsewhere and I could hardly enjoy the time I spent with the gleeful children around me. We ended with our traditional song and choreography which thrilled the children and their enthusiasm made me smile widely because their movements and voices were adorable. It was a soothing feeling that I had some kind of positive influence on these young ones before me.

* * *

But I was still in a rather sour mood when I entered the Grill – for the lack of anything better to do – and saw the face that I was least happy to see at the moment, grinning at me slyly and patting the bar stool next to him. I rolled my eyes at him for being so melodramatic but strode towards him anyway. God damn, I needed to enlarge my repertoire of social companions because when Jeremy wasn't around Damon was all I actually had, which was quite the sad fact.

With a curt but friendly nod towards Warren I reached my destination and took the seat of the upset looking Alaric who rushed past me in a desperate hurry to get away from the demon next to me. Why was I doing this to me? Maybe because I really had no one else to hang out with but I was pretty sure that it was something else entirely. I rested my chin on my arms that lay sprawled on the counter and was reminded of the sense of relief I had felt when Katherine hadn't been in that vault.

I was pretty sure that it wasn't considered nice to wish emotional doom upon someone close to you, especially when you were one of the only people that had encouraged him in the first place. My head was spinning by the time that Damon patted my shoulder gently. His soft touch was still enough to make me jump and hiss in frustration. "Stop that." I snapped angrily and focused on the lines in the wooden tabletop instead of on his beautiful face.

"Did the children get on your nerves today or what?" He said in annoyance that quickly melted into amusement when he clarified his motives. "I only asked whether I could buy you a drink but I should have known that that wouldn't work on you, especially when you're this unfocused." He teased me and I suddenly realized that I was moping around without any real reason. Damon was the one that should be staring into space not me so I flashed a grin into his direction and was about to reply when a woman with spiky, blonde hair sat down on the other side of Damon, capturing his attention.

"Damon." She greeted formally while my eyes roamed over the uniform she wore.

"Sheriff Forbes, how can I help you?" Damon said pleasantly and I internally choked on his hypocritical manners, wondering how much of his good side was an act. I thought I saw sincerity in him but as soon as I caught a glimpse it slipped away again instantly, hidden behind a mask of indifference and cruelty.

"Good that you ask. There is a favor that I would like to ask of you." She said carefully, squirming slightly on her stool as her trained eyes watched Damon's reaction. When he didn't grimace or anything like that, which I was sure he felt like doing, she continued with a nervous smile. "We need another eligible bachelor for tonight's charity event."

A lopsided grin formed on my face as it dawned on me where this was heading. "An eligible bachelor?" I said in disbelief, staring at the exchange before with my amused mouth agape. Damon raised his eyebrows at me in a mocking manner but I simply chuckled and waved a careless hand for them to continue their conversation.

"There will be an auction of sorts and we're quite short on volunteers." Sheriff Forbes said apologetically but Damon was already wearing his winning smile and I could tell that he felt fabulous to be part of such an event since he was quite full of himself already.

"I'll be glad to be of assistance." He offered gallantly and it was clear by the elegant movement of his hand that he was from another time. It was quite obvious when you searched for the telltale signs but humans were ignorant to their surroundings and even more to their fellow citizens I presumed.

Her blonde head bobbed in approval and a relieved smile spread on her lips. "Thank goodness, I really can't be bothered with the subject anymore." She admitted with a rue grin and was about to leave again when Damon held her back.

"In turn could I ask a favor of you?" He asked cautiously and she nodded in surprise without further thought. "Could you check up on Alaric Saltzman for me? There's something off about him and I don't like it. It's probably nothing but I would rather be safe than sorry." He said and she agreed with a sharp movement of her head even though the request seemed to puzzle her slightly but she asked no questions.

When she was out of earshot, I burst into a peal of laughter that only lasted for several moments, in which Damon stared at me as if I had gone stark raving mad. "You'd better be safe than sorry?" I burst out, still chuckling but I tried to muffle the sound with my hand but it was no use. "I wouldn't have thought that I would ever hear such words of wisdom from you." Especially not concerning the situation I had found him in this morning, which spoke of much but not exactly of a sense of rationality.

"I can behave properly when I want to." He shot back with a foolish grin and I just shook my head at him before replying.

"You just never feel like it, I get it. Go fool someone else." I said with a satisfied smile on my face.

Damon's face was right in front of mine in a moment and I regretted speaking with him at all with him invading my personal space whenever he felt like it. "I'd rather fool with you." He said huskily and his words invoked both a thrilling sense of panic and joy. I jerked my head back significantly in reaction to the confusion I felt whenever he was close and let him go on. "So will you be coming tonight to bail me out of this mess?"

"You want me to save you from a horde of women that are willing to pay for a date?" I asked, disbelievingly and was about to add that there must be something seriously wrong with him but it was needless to say such a thing since I already knew that he was far from alright. He might be acting normal but an act was all that it was and I was only waiting for the downfall that was bound to take place by the end of this night.

"Maybe not." He decided cheekily after several silent moments and he downed his drink before standing up to leave. "After you, milady." He said with a fluid bow and offered me his hand to lift me off the stool but I turned it down and hopped down myself, which was a mistake since the guitar was still strung across my back and made me topple down the side of the chair and straight into Damon's waiting arms.

I thumped against his chest and had to resist the urge to take flight in such a public place so that I wouldn't blow our cover as supernatural creatures. "Avery, you didn't even have anything to drink." I heard Warren comment on my clumsy attempt of exiting his pub.

"You should have just accepted my hand, foolish girl." Damon chuckled into my hair as I was still engulfed in this strange embrace. "See you later." He chimed into my ear and kissed my cheek with an evil glint in his eyes as I paled. I balled my hands into fists and willed my muscles to obey my commands and not start shaking but I of course failed, sending an angry glare into the direction he had left into.

* * *

It was okay for him to be completely out of it but he didn't need to burden me with his personal issues by tampering with my hysteria. At least he had been in a good mood for several moments and maybe I had given him some kind of diversion from the turmoil that must be going on inside of him. "New boyfriend?" Warren asked from behind the bar, grinning widely and drying off the glass in his hands.

"No." I said flatly, ignoring the strange look he gave me. Talking to Warren about my nonexistent love life was how I imagined it to be like talking to my own father about these sorts of topics and it made me uncomfortable in many ways, not all of them obvious.

"Well, I would sure as hell like you to move on, lad, but I'm not quite sure whether I like the look of that man anyway." He said with a shrug but I could see suspicion and protectiveness in his eyes, which made me smile genuinely. He was much more fatherly and caring than anything I had experienced from my real father in years, which was sad on the one had but then again it was probably the best I could do and it was nice to have someone watching your back, even if it was only a human that watched out for your feelings. "You can find someone better for sure, Ave." Warren assured me with a conspiratorial wink and I couldn't hold back the episode of barking laughter that escaped my mouth.

"I'm not so sure about that but it's really not that important to me anyway." I told him and realized that it was a sad truth about me, the fact that I didn't want to be loved in some way. It hadn't done me any good in the past and as a vampire I could just turn it all off anyway so what's the use? I was not an entire emotional cripple like Damon was and I didn't mind having feelings at all, things would be quite boring without them actually. Yet the last thing that I was looking for was a relationship because that would only further complicate my life.

With my new lifestyle I also had to contemplate the fact that a fairly high percentage of the world could never qualify for the job because I would not be able to be with a human and keep my secret. People always insisted that the heart was an entity you couldn't control and that you could fall in love with anyone but I was rather sure that falling for a human would be an impossible feat for me, emotionally and physically. No one wants to be someone's lover and snack, do they?

I shook my head to clear away my strange thoughts when I realized that I had hardly ever thought about this topic before and now it might just be too late thanks to my predicament. I was thankful that there were other things that could occupy my mind at the moment. "You're still young, you'll learn." Warren said cheerfully, not at all disturbed by my pessimism but then again he knew me pretty well from my time as his kitchen boy.

"Probably." I appeased him and turned my attention to the swinging doors that I had spent a lot of time behind. "How are things going in the kitchen? Do I need to pay those lousy dimwits another visit?" I asked with a mischievous grin but it was slightly dimmed when Warren didn't jump at the chance to have me putting his crew in order and instead offered me a drink.

"Not today, there's not much company today anyway and you need to drink something or I'll have to throw you out for hanging around her without spending anything." He said with a booming laugh and patted my shoulder amicably, causing me to flinch but it went unnoticed. I took a sip of the water that he had set before me and my eyes scanned the crowd but to my great dismay Jeremy wasn't around.

A wave of nausea swept over me as my feeling of discomfort grew among this crowd. The scent of blood wafted through the air and stuck to everything in this place and I felt envious of the humans gathered here that could live as carelessly as they did. They spoke about superficial topics that hadn't interested me as a human and now only annoyed me even more. I couldn't help but hear them gossip about the newest couples and discuss their clothing.

With a sudden movement of my hand I emptied my glass and decided that it would be better if I left before I ripped someone's throat out, not because I was thirsty but because these foolish teenagers knew nothing of the world and just how lucky they were to be ignorant of all the creatures that existed around them, a hairbreadth away from killing them just for the fun of it and because we were capable of it.

Warren waved me off when I wanted to pay him and I left with a shrug of my shoulders, securing the strap of the guitar case over my shoulder as I left the pub that used to me some kind of refuge for me but now I had mixed feelings inside. I was no longer of use there and the atmosphere was soothing on the one hand but very straining on the other.

* * *

I started walking aimlessly, trying very hard not to think about Damon but it was a useless attempt and I found myself standing in front of his house. The scent of blood wafted towards me and the familiar whiff of Elena made me stop in my tracks, still several spaces away from the doorway. For a few minutes I just stood there, contemplating what to do now.

Damon was bound to break down and do something crazy and reckless soon enough and I tried to convince myself that that was the only reason that I wanted to be close to him but I couldn't even kid myself into believing my feeble lie. I was positive that he would never do anything to hurt Elena so it was safe to leave him alone at the moment but I felt oddly wretched at the thought of the two of them alone when at least one of them and most likely both of them sported deeper feelings for the other.

"What are you doing out here?" A friendly voice asked next to me and I jumped at the sound, letting out a surprised gasp. I carefully composed my features into a calm mask when I realized that it was only Stefan standing next to me with an expectant expression and an amused gleam in his eyes.

"I'm not sure." I grumbled truthfully, readjusting the strap on my shoulder just for the sake of occupying my hands because my mind was still reeling with indecision. "I'm leaving." I said suddenly and turned abruptly without any further explanation and clasped the sides of my face, wondering why everything always had to be this complicated.

* * *

My life before this had been dulled wither by drugs or grief or ambition and now all was still chaos with nothing actually driving me forward. I wasn't sure how things were now but I was at least sure that I wasn't done yet with improving myself in whichever way.

My eyes focused on the object before me and I frowned when my mother's gravestone came into focus, reminding me of the person I used to be. It all seemed too far away to reach and I wondered whether my own mother would recognize me the way I was today.

I sunk down onto the ground with the guitar between my legs and pensively stared at the headstone as the sky darkened, trying to picture my mother's face and remembering times where my father was still happy and satisfied and not the emotional wreck that I had learned to live with. I shook my head and chased away the bitter thoughts because in a superstitious way I didn't want my mother to hear me think in such a manner about the man she loved.

_Today is gonna be the day_

_that they're going to throw it back to you._

_By now you schould've somehow_

_realized what you gotta do._

_I don't believe that anybody _

_feels the way I do about you now._

Damon's smirking face pooped into my mind and I frowned while I played, wondering for the thousandth time how I felt about him and coming up blank. I wasn't sure what it was that I felt and I could hardly compare it to the love between my mother and father that had been strong enough to keep him strong all through her sickness. He only broke down after she was gone and how could I blame him for that, after all it had been a terrible loss for the both of us.

_Back beat, the word is on the street_

_that the fire in your heart is out._

_I'm sure you've heard it all before_

_but you never really had a doubt._

_I don't believe that anybody_

_feels the way I do about you know._

_And all the roads we have to walk are winding._

_And all the lights that lead us there are blinding._

_There are many things that I _

_would like to say to you but I don't know how._

My eyes stared up into the midnight blue sky and my fingers slipped off of the strings, reminding me that I wasn't as practiced as I used to be so I concentrated on the chords I was playing and the notes I was singing.

_Because maybe_

_you're going to be the one that saves me._

_And after all you're my wonderwall._

_Today was gonna be the day_

_but they'll never throw it back to you._

_By now you should have somehow_

_realized what you're not to do._

_I don't believe that anybody_

_feels the way I do about you now._

I hesitated momentarily and the music cut off abruptly because I realized that I was doing exactly what I shouldn't be, moping around over nothing. I absolutely loathed people that moped around and here I was doing it myself. The irony of my own thoughts let a small smile grace my lips and I started singing again.

_And all the roads that lead the way are winding._

_And all the lights that lead the way are blinding._

_There are many things that I _

_would like to say to you but I don't know how._

_I said maybe, you're gonna be the one that saves me._

_And after all you're my wonderwall._

The rustling of leaves made my head snap up to look into the startled face of Simon who was hovering at the fray of the row of graves that I sat in. Like a serpent he snaked through the snake, weaving his way towards me while he said. "I'm sorry, I heard something and wanted to check it out." He plopped down next to me unceremoniously and pointed at the instrument in my hands haughtily. "Please move on."

His commanding manner made me laugh sporadically and strung the strings again with a smile on my face. When we started singing together it was anything from harmonious for any onlooker but it felt right and I was surprised to find that I was happy to not be alone right now.

_I said maybe you're gonna be the one that saves me._

_And after all you're my wonderwall._

_I said maybe you're gonna be the one that saves me._

_You're gonna be the one that saves me._

_You're gonna be the one that saves me._

We both sat in silence, enjoying the breath on our faces and staring at the cool, marble surface before us until finally Simon pointed at it and asked, evenly. "Your mother?"

"Yeah." I said curtly and looked over at the strange youth beside me. "And what are you really doing here? Your parents…?" I trailed off suggestively and his face turned sour.

"So you heard?" He snapped angrily, his blue eyes boring into mine and for a shocking moment he reminded me of Damon but I shook it off quickly. "And now you're looking at me like everyone else in this stupid town." His fist pounded against the ground and I was mesmerized by the dust spots that swirled through the air.

"Sim, you're not being very fair." I said cautiously but my patronizing reaction only set him off.

"I don't care." He screeched with his beautiful voice and I flinched when he jumped up with his balled fists trembling at his sides. "It's like my uncle always says, life isn't fair. But I thought you of all people would at least understand." He screamed at me and tears of disappointment welled in his eyes as he darted away from me.

I sat immobilized in front of my mother's grave and let my head drop onto the wood of the guitar that was balanced on my knees. He was just a small boy and his anger would burn out just as fast as it had boiled over the rim of his small pot of a mind. I was not saying that he was dimwitted, not at all but he was right when he thought that I understood him very well. The constant fluctuation between fury and grief was normal and I was sure that he would apologize tomorrow for his behavior.

Picking myself up off the ground was easier than I thought it would have been since it felt like my heart weighed a ton. Before I left I stowed the guitar back into its case and bid my mother goodbye. "I'll see you soon, mum. I miss you." I uttered sadly and lunged away from the sight that broke my heart over and over again, running through the night at full speed.

* * *

I skidded to a halt before the Salvatore house and made sure that there was no one at home before I entered. At first it puzzled me that the house was empty but then I remembered the charity event and a new dilemma made its way into my mind. Should I stay or should I go? With an annoyed sigh, I walked towards my trunk of clothes to change out of my dusty clothes because there was nothing for me to do here and I hadn't seen Jeremy in a while and hope that he would be there although the chance was slim.

* * *

Dressed in a simple black cocktail dress with scarlet high heels, I entered the event and spotted Damon in a far corner, talking to Sheriff Forbes again. I quickly made my way through the room to him, weaving through the crowd without touching anyone and trying very hard to ignore the lustful stares I had brought down upon myself. It wasn't their desire that disturbed me, it was the uncertainty concerning whether they would act upon it or not that made me cower under their glances.

With my head up in the grey, stormy clouds, I nearly walked right into Damon who held me at arm's length to steady me. The familiar twinge of anxiety was mixed with an unfamiliar tension that intensified under his icy stare. "Careful now, my love." He purred absentmindedly, his eyes glued to the papers in his hands.

"Thanks. What is that?" I asked curiously, trying to look over his shoulders but was only able to catch the glimpse of a beautiful, raven haired woman.

"I don't know yet." He murmured softly, tracing the lines of the woman's face until a spark of recognition washed over his face.

"Do you know her?" I asked inquisitively, but he wouldn't meet my eyes and was staring holes into the picture of the woman, his brows furrowing and his lips pursed in concentration.

He shook his head and turned towards me, his face illuminating with a sheepish grin that seemed quite fake to me and I feared his breaking point was close enough to feel. "I turned her." He chirped as uncaring as ever and I barely kept myself from flinching.

"So what's the problem?" I inquired, evenly. It bothered me that he hardly cared about his creations but I couldn't show my discomfort at the moment.

"It seems to me that she is Alaric's wife, which definitely explains his ill feelings towards me." He smirked, impishly.

"So what's the problem?" I repeated, jokingly. The smile that graced his defined features was award enough for the turmoil that I felt inside and I was able to shove it aside for the moment because these kind of moments were precious with Damon, when he wasn't sarcastic and bitter but pure or at least as pure as he would ever be.

"You're right." He said with a fully fledged grin and was about to say something when a woman I recognized as Mrs. Lockwood waved him over. "I'm sorry to have to leave but I'll see you later, milady." He said playfully, dipping into a curtsey and pressed his lips against my hand shortly before he disappeared, leaving me standing awkwardly at the side of the party.

"You know that he's flirting with loads of other women, right?" Elena said nastily, taking her place beside me in an offhanded manner.

I shrugged and admitted. "Just because I don't see it doesn't mean that I don't know what's going on. Damon's a guy for an occasional fling but who's to blame a woman for dreaming?" I was amused by her jealous behavior when there was really nothing going on between the two of us and there probably would never be anything mutual between us because he would never be over Katherine. "Ever heard of the saying that you should just shut your mouth when you have nothing nice to say. So do me a favor and just leave me alone." I said, coldly.

She must have left or took my advice and stayed quite because I didn't hear anything of her again. I spent my time watching the bachelors being auctioned off and found the entire event strange. Why would you want to buy a date with someone random when you could just as well go out and meet someone just as random? At least then you had control over who you would be seeing.

* * *

"And here comes bachelor number five, Damon Salvatore." Mrs. Lockwood announced jubilantly and I noticed how she eyed Damon like a prize she could win, making me click my tongue in disgust. "Since he's only moved to town recently I don't have any information about him. Why don't you tell us a little about yourself, Damon?"

"Why not?" He said gallantly when he had walked onto the stage and smirked in amusement. I could practically hear the women's hearts beating faster. "Well, I've traveled a lot. I have been to Paris, Florence and to all kinds of beautiful places." He droned on and his little speech was quite amusing but I was confused when he winked into my direction and then fixed his eyes on Alaric. "I even went to North Carolina where I met Alaric's wife and I can tell you that she was delicious."

My eyes widened at the boldness of his comment and I could see Alaric's face go slack with pain and sorrow but what surprised me even more was Elena's reaction. She jumped from her seat and stormed out of the room, followed by a worried Stefan. I frowned and watched the rest of the event, turning down several overly pushy men that tried flirting with me until finally Damon came around and saved me from a particularly drunk and obnoxious man by snaking an intrusive arm around my waist and pulling me against his side.

"I think you should leave the beautiful lady alone." He compelled the man and I flinched at his usage of the word beautiful since it reminded me of Bryan. Damon's eyes met mine and if I wouldn't have been so pale, I might have blushed at his closeness but this way I only looked at him unseeingly and slightly disturbed. "Sorry, no touching, I know, but I had to get rid of the scumbag." He hissed arrogantly, removing his arm from my waist and I ached to feel his touch again, which only made me want to push him away further because I didn't know what this feeling meant.

"It wasn't… It's okay." I stammered, rubbing my arm nervously but I didn't even have to move away to put some distance between us because Elena came running back in and pushed Damon's chest roughly, which normally wouldn't have moved him a single bit but she had caught him by surprise and he let her.

"How could you?" She cried, angrily. "Not only did you hurt Alaric back there, you killed my mother whose name was Isobel." She nearly screeched, her high pitch made me want to cover my ears but her revelation was startling.

"Alaric's wife?" Damon mumbled, almost incoherently. He was too stunned to react before Elena was accompanied back outside by Stefan. I turned around to judge Damon's reaction but he was gone and I feared that he was now volatile and ready to kill so I ran after him, hoping to find him at the boarding house.

* * *

In the living room, Damon was pouring himself a drink but there was something off about him and I feared to step into the room. "Damon?" I asked carefully but he stayed quiet and offered me a drink, which I gladly accepted after this wild night.

If Isobel was really Elena's mother then she was in for one hell of an emotional rollercoaster because when you're mother was a vampire there would be no happy reunion, I was sure of it.

I was startled when Alaric stumbled into the room but Damon just clicked his tongue in impatience and warned him. "Don't attack me, that would only be ridiculous." But Alaric charged at him anyway and Damon threw him through the entire room where he went crashing into a wooden cupboard close to me. My arms flew up to protect my face and were penetrated by fine, wooden splinters that burned like fire.

A dissatisfied yelp escape my lips and held my left hand that had been injured the worse. "What did you do to Isobel?" Alaric demanded, swaying slightly from the impact.

"She came to me and practically begged me to turn her." I frowned at his haughty explanation, wondering whether I would have asked for this if I had known vampires existed. "I guess her normal life wasn't enough for her, you weren't enough." I stared at Damon angrily, annoyed by his exaggeration and his special capability to annoy the hell out of people.

In a desperate attempt Alaric charged at Damon again who stabbed him with the stake Alaric had tried to use on him. He fell to the ground limp an lifeless and a dull stab of sadness tore at my mind since for all I knew he had been a kin man. "Oh, Damon." I sighed heavily and plopped onto the couch, picking the shards of wood out of my arm since the pain was mounting to become unbearable.

"Don't patronize me." He snapped and I held my hands up in defeat. "I'll get you some blood." He grumble and I smiled at the pleasant gesture when he returned in the blink of an eye with a blood bag.

"Thank you, Damon." I said softly, nipping on the blood that healed my wounds instantly. Damon rested his forehead against mine and he looked so exhausted and tired that I obliged to his touch, letting him take whatever comfort he could from this closeness, closeness that made me want to run away but I held still for him.

"What happened?" Stefan blurted out, kneeling next to the still form of Alaric. Damon immediately pulled away and the magic was broken and hysteria threatened to take over so I was glad when he got up to argue with Stefan.

"He was the one that attacked me because he couldn't handle the truth." He said, testily. "And if Isobel is Elena's mother than she must be related to Katherine, who sent her to me. It can't be a coincidence." He insisted and I felt my whole body lock down in shock. I had almost forgotten that his only love was Katherine and it had been foolish of me to get my hopes up.

Stefan shook his head in resignation and groaned. "Let it go, Damon. Forget about Katherine and move on." His gaze flickered to mine, making my eyes narrow. I wouldn't be Damon's makeshift girlfriend because I still had a spark of dignity left and knew that I was just collateral damage to him, some woman that he turned for no particular reason.

Damon left the room while Stefan and I hovered over Alaric's dead body in contemplating silence. "Did you see that?" Stefan said, puzzled.

"I don't know what you…" I gasped when Alaric woke up again, gasping for air. Stefan and I exchanged an astonished glance and looked back down on the definitely living Alaric.

"Did Damon turn you?" Stefan asked urgently and a twinge of anger washed through me because his statement made me feel like an object, that I was one of many which was the truth but I didn't want to hear it.

"No." Alaric answered clearly, his eyes fixed on a ring on his finger. This town never failed to surprise me again but I was wretchedly tired and wanted to lay down and not move for several hours.

"I'm glad you're up and well and I don't want to sound ungrateful or even rude but could you please leave? I need some rest." I grumbled and Stefan chuckled as I curled up into a ball on the couch.

"Goodnight." Stefan said gently, accompanying Alaric out of the room to leave me alone.

* * *

**Disclaimer: **The lyrics are from Wonderwall by Oasis.


	9. There Goes the Neighborhood

**9 – There Goes the Neighborhood**

I woke up to a crashing sound that sounded way too close to my liking and I groaned as I thrust myself into an upright position, wondering what the hell Damon was doing now because he enjoyed disrupting my sleep the most. I heard that he wasn't alone, which was no surprise whatsoever. While I rubbed the stupor out of my eyes, I missed quite a chunk of the conversation and only listened in when Damon burst out. "The world had changed, Pearl. This isn't the Mystic Falls of 1846 anymore!" He exclaimed, throwing his hands into the air and paced through the room.

"As a reward for your cooperation I can offer to reveal Katherine's whereabouts to you." She suggested and her statement shocked me into full alertness, anxious to hear how he would react to this foreign woman's proposal.

I craned my neck and caught sight of Anna, standing next to a slender woman with the same shade of hair as hers and angular facial features that were topped off by slightly angled, almond shaped eyes. Whoever this exotic beauty was, she held enough power to make Damon fret although he upheld his cool endeavor as always. "I could not care less where that bitch is at." Damon snarled in anger with his frustration roiling off of him in waves, which made me smirk in pleasure but I wouldn't kid myself. He was far from over Katherine and even further away from falling for me if that was really what I wanted.

Fighting down the small spark of hope inside of me, I was surprised when Damon flashed me a brilliant smile that disappeared when he was tackled to the ground by the woman named Pearl. I jumped forward to help him but was held back by Anna's arm that enclosed my shoulders and held me in place with an iron grip. When Pearl pressed her fingers into Damon's eye sockets I gasped in desperation, struggling against the constricting arm but I wasn't strong enough. "Damon." I breathed in horror as the blood trickled down his cheeks and he shouted in agony.

"You will fulfill my demands and I will contact you whenever I think it's necessary." She hissed threateningly as she dropped his squirming form as he covered his eyes with his hands. Pearl strode out of the room, followed by Anna, who looked at me apologetically when she let me go but I hardly saw her as I dropped onto my knees next to the pained Damon.

"Don't move." I whispered softly, stroking his hair tentatively with weak hands. "I'll get you some blood." I rushed into the basement to retrieve several blood bags and then helped Damon onto the couch who was still momentarily blind to feed him the crimson substance.

He carefully removed his hands from his eyes and tried to blink through the crusted blood that covered most of his face in a gruesome matter. When he was finally able to open them he close them again immediately but I had to suck in a startled breath when I caught a glimpse of his bloodied an bloodshot eyes. Damon groaned and I patted his back awkwardly before I got up again, only to be surprised by Damon's hand flashing out and encircling my wrist. "Don't go." He said with a devilish smirk and I chuckled about the fact that he could be bold again. "We haven't had enough time for each other lately." He said with a fake pout as he fetched some sunglasses to shield his eyes from the sun.

"You're so full of it." I said throatily, sporting another chuckle. "Since you're already being sassy again, you have to be alright enough for me to leave. And some people have a job to attend." I said cheekily and nudged him with my elbow, only to bound away from him and out the door in the next moment.

* * *

I skipped towards work, oddly cheerful and failed at containing my jubilation. The reason for my sunny mood escaped me and I wasn't sure whether it was because Damon seemed to be alright whenever he was with me or only because I was relieved that he would be alright after the assault. A frown creased my forehead as I contemplated what the woman with Anna had wanted from Damon and once again came to the conclusion that this town was full of mysteries and I didn't even want to know a fraction of what was going on here most of the time.

With a last exasperated shake of my head I entered the clamor of the kindergarten that was filling with chatting adults and squealing children by the minute. When I discovered Simon standing next to presumably his uncle with a depressed expression on his face and I worried for him but was uncertain whether I had the right to approach him or not after our disagreement.

His luminous blue eyes locked with mine and lit with an emotion that I couldn't place but seemed close to compassion. I stood dumbfounded in the doorway and simply returned his intense gaze until a parent excused himself to go around me and I was able to lift my eyes away from the mesmerizing child.

I trudged over to Jane who shooed me into the kitchen where I prepared lunch and plunged into gloomy thoughts. How would my own child have looked like and how would I have dealt with being a mother? All these questions would forever be unanswered and I had all of eternity to grieve over what I had lost while indulging in the advantages of being a vampire.

But maybe I didn't have all of eternity because who knew what would happen to me in these dark times that gripped this sleepy town that seemed to be doomed to be eternally haunted by supernatural creatures. The violent outburst that had awakened me was proof enough that my time might be running out in the wake of these powerful enemies. I knew I was no match for a vampire that was my elder and therefore superior.

I attempted to grasp what it would mean to live several centuries and failed imagining how life could constantly be exciting. The cool manner of some old creatures might just be their way of dealing with eternity because could you actually live an eternity full of heightened emotions that threatened to tear you apart at times? Occasionally you had to turn it off, right?

Lexi suddenly haunted my thoughts and I was sure that she had never turned it off just like that. She probably lived through her emotions, no matter how painful that might have been and she had to have experienced some suffering when she fell in love with a human. The uncertainty of whether he would live the next day or might be killed in an accident since humans were so fragile, the fear of not being accepted for what you were by the person that you cared for the most and the queasy feeling that you might kill them if you weren't careful. So many occurrences had to work out in her relationship with Lee that I couldn't imagine how they had made it but then again it hadn't lasted, had it?

Would Stefan and Elena be able to live up to their example and if they did, would their relationship end as tragically as theirs had. My chest felt like it was trying to squeeze the air right out of me as it constricted at the memory of the friends I had lost. I missed Lexi's careless manner and the reassurance that she would always have everything under control. It had been so easy living with her that I actually felt lazy to have relied on her this much. An then there was Lee who would always catch you with his steadfast manner that made you feel like there was no mistake great enough to chase him away. In the end, I had succeeded in pushing him away from me and with a shocking clarity I realized that he hadn't called me since the fateful night that had lead me back to my former hometown.

* * *

A silent tear rolled down my tear and I only notice it when a small, angelic voice asked cautiously. "Why are you so sad, Miss Grayson?" Simon's wide eyes looked up at me in concern and he tentatively stretched out a finger to presumably wipe away the tear on my cheek but I leaned my head away from his touch, wiping the wetness away from my face with the back of my hand. I realized that I was completely indecent in the dress from last night and had forgotten to change after this morning's commotion.

I smoothed some of the wrinkles out of the material that had crumpled in my sleep and tried to ignore Simon's penetrating stare. "I was thinking of people that were very dear to me and are now gone, out of my reach." I said softly, surprisingly telling the perceptive boy the truth even though he was too young to be hearing any of this. Yet in my current state I didn't see the point in lying to anyone because that was an unnecessary source of hurting the ones around you. The truth came out eventually so you might as well speak it.

"Oh." He said, obviously astonished by my plump answer. In silence, he watched me peel the potatoes but I was sure that he had something to say, especially since he still owed me an apology. His patience made a smile appear on my lips as I observed his fidgeting that told me his patience would soon burst like a bubble. "Are you mad at me?" He asked curiously, cocking his head to the side while I set a pot with water onto the fire to boil.

I let him suffer for a few moments more and grinned at him innocently. "Why should I be mad at you, Sim?" The end of his lips turned up into a sly smile as he caught onto the game that I was playing and his cleverness astonished me once more.

He rolled his eyes before answering. "I get it, Miss Grayson, don't act like I'm dumb." He warned me, holding up a finger warningly but he didn't sound as mad as the last time. "I'm sorry for shouting at you and I hope that we're still friends." He said, a bit less arrogant as before an I stared at him curiously, mirroring his stance by tilting my own head to the side.

"Simon, how is your relationship to your uncle?" I said seriously, my brows furrowing as his expression darkened in response to my sudden question. I wasn't even sure where my sudden interest in the man that raised this extraordinary boy had come from but what Simon had said at the cemetery had taken me aback.

"Alright, I guess." He said quietly but he wouldn't meet my eye so I placed a gentle finger under his chin and turned his face into my direction. His eyes weren't shining now and they seemed to dull with his mood, his heartfelt round face made my heart ache and I wanted to help him so much but I didn't know how.

"I hope that I don't have to tell you that you sound very unconvincing." I said with what I could only perceive as a motherly smile while I brushed a strand of hair out of his eyes. He climbed into my lap and I granted him this wish for physical contact. His chin rested on my shoulders and I hesitantly wrapped my arms around him bit for bit, cautiously hiding the paranoia that was hitting me in waves.

Breathing in and out slowly, I took a whiff of his intoxicatingly sweet scent that reminded me of a flower bud, not ready to blossom yet and I found comfort in his fast beating heart that was as fast as a hummingbird's wings. Simon clutched at the back of my dress and I cradled him against my chest, trailing a gentle hand up and down his back until he had calmed down considerably. "Are we still friends?" He asked when he looked up at me and there were tear swimming in his eyes that made my chest feel as light as a feather with joy.

"Of course, Sim. I'll always be your friend." I assured him, threading my hands through his fiery hair with a wide, satisfied smile. Maybe I was improving on myself already and hadn't acknowledged it yet in my grim mood that I was trapped in lately. With a last soft pat on the back I set Simon back onto the ground and dedicated my attention to the midday meal that still had to be prepared. "Now go on and have fun. You shouldn't be hanging out with me here in the kitchen." I said, patronizingly.

"But I'd rather stay here with you." Simon whined, stomping his foot on the ground to emphasize his strong willed personality but I only raised a questioning eyebrow at him and he gave up with an audible sigh, pivoted on the spot and joined his fellow playmates.

* * *

I smiled to myself while I prepared the meal, losing myself in the repetitive movements of slicing and dicing. My mind was the closest it would ever be to being completely empty and I enjoyed the serenity inside of me that was in no way matched to the usual commotion going about on our premises.

There was screaming and fighting and squealing and shouting but I felt more at ease than I had felt in a long time. Maybe it was because of my first real success concerning my touching phobia but I thought that the atmosphere of the kindergarten was at fault since it was such a happy place, where the children were free to do whatever they wanted for the time being as long as they stuck to the rules.

The children sung extra jubilantly and their chirping voices were the fuel that kept me going. The smile on my face hardly vanished and only grew wider if that was even possible. I was actually a bit saddened when we came to our last song but then again I was also relieved to be done with work for the day. The constant noise was beginning to give me a headache and I didn't want to take the bad mood that would most likely ensue out on the children.

I bid everyone farewell when we were finished with cleaning up and found myself on the streets of Mystic Falls with nowhere to go so I walked back to my temporary home and spontaneously decided that I wanted to get out of town for the day.

* * *

So when I strode into the room where Damon was currently pouring himself a drink, my first question was. "Damon, can I borrow a car?"

"Of course, my love. So you're going on a road trip without me?" He asked with a grin while he led me around the back of the estate where the garage stood.

"I've never actually been on a road trip with you." I pointed out, happily.

Damon stopped before the door and he flashed me a brilliant smile before wagging his eyebrows in a disturbing manner. "It could be arranged, I'm sure you'd love to spend some quality time with me. Maybe in the back of the car." He said, suggestively and I was about to deliver a brilliant comeback but my mouth gaped open when I was confronted with the wide array of sports cars in the garage. "Impressed?" He asked haughtily, leaning against the doorway when I had stepped around him to observe my awed reaction.

"Slightly." I admitted quietly, taking in the beauty of the sleek automobiles. "Are you sure that you're going to let a woman drive with one of these extremely expensive cars?" I said in awe, turning to look at his pensive expression that turned into one of amusement. Obviously, I looked like a gleeful child in a zoo full of exotic things that I didn't understand. "Did you steal these?" I exclaimed in dread, pointing at the content of the garage.

Damon just shook his head at me as if I was acting considerably stupid. "No, of course not. My family was never exactly poor." He told me and I just frowned in puzzlement, not sure what to do with this piece of information.

"Just lend me something that I won't feel guilty for crashing into a wall or something, please." I told him, distractedly.

"Have you ever crashed a car?" He asked interestedly with a chuckle that made me want to smile but I was still too shocked to react but his accusation made my head snap into his direction.

"No." I snapped but my facial expression softened again when I explained, breathlessly. "I don't even think the house we lived in cost as much as one of the tires for these things would cost." He threw me a key with a self-satisfied smirk and I grimaced when I saw the insignia of what he was borrowing to me. "I just wanted something to drive with." I groaned when I stood before the startlingly red Ferrari.

"This is what you're getting so don't complain. Now be a good girl and thank me." He said sweetly, opening the driver's seat for me in a gentleman like manner.

"Alright, thanks." I mumbled, cautiously getting into the low car with my dress and internally cursed myself for forgetting to change again.

"And you're sure you won't come with me to down some drinks at the Grill?" He asked and I thought I heard a tinge of insecurity in his voice while he leaned down to look me in the eye.

I simply nodded and flashed a quick smile into his direction. "I'm sure but I'll see you later."

"Have fun." He chimed in his usual arrogant manner, closing the door with a thud while I placed my purse and guitar case in the passenger seat. There was no real reason for me to be driving other than that I wanted a piece of normality. Of course, I could have simply run the distance but where was the fun in that when you could also be driving one of these beauties?

* * *

The purr of the engine was exhilarating and I was at my destination in no time and parked outside the floral shop without any incident that Damon would laugh at me for. The aroma inside the shop was intoxicating especially when it was laced with the scent of the blood vessels that were the other customers in the shop. With tender fingers I traced the petals of a lily that felt like velvet beneath my fingertips but I didn't remember whether it had felt like that to me as a human. Since I hadn't frequented flower shops very often before there was no way to know anyway so I dropped the subject and with it the petal.

I roamed through the shop and was startled by my own indecision. After all, these were only flowers but as soon as you planned to set them on a grave, there was something special about the gesture and its significance weighed down on me because my mother deserved only the best. My eyes spotted a speck of color that shone through the rest of the array of flowers, a bouquet with orange tulips and red colored berries, adorned with fern.

With my purchase stowed in the car, I roamed through the first city that I had been to in a while, ever since I had left Lee to his own devices. With a wistful look at the white sky, I wondered where he might be right now and what he was doing. Was he aware of the fact that I missed him terribly?

I tried to distract myself from my gloomy thoughts by walking into a music shop because I needed some strings and I enjoyed looking at the guitars on display. The musky smell of the store was soothing and the tattooed man behind the counter greeted me with a curt nod but otherwise ignored my presence.

I hesitated in the doorway but only for a second before I spotted the guitars in the back of the store and was immediately fascinated. To my own surprise, it seemed I had the urge to touch everything today and stretched out my hand to drag my fingertips across the polished wood. I must have been staring at an extremely wonderful electric guitar in black and white when someone took his place next to me.

To my surprise, it wasn't the guy behind the counter but someone completely different that I had never seen before in my life. The man was attractively dressed in a gray suit with matching tie and a white dress shirt and he held himself with a gallant elegance that outmatched anything I had seen even Damon or Stefan act like. "Isn't music an intriguing phenomenon?" He asked, pleasantly with his arms intertwined behind his back.

Normally, I wouldn't talk to a stranger but his civil manner was refreshing compared to the ruddy behavior I was used to in Mystic Falls where everyone stabbed each other in the back whenever you turned around. "It is. Do you play?" I asked carefully, removing my hand from the marvelous instrument to pick up a package of strings that I passed from one hand to the other in my nervousness.

"Not at all, I possess no talent for the fine arts of a musician but I suppose it is quite the opposite in your case." He remarked with an amused twinkle in his eyes as he pointed to the strings in my hand.

"I'm not sure about that." I admitted with a tense chuckle and weaved my hand through my hair uneasily, taken aback by this noble man's attention.

"I'm sure your music is just as exquisite as you are." He said with a curtsy, placing a kiss on the knuckles of my hand. "But where are my manners? My name is Elijah Mikaelson and I'm most pleased to make your acquaintance."

An honest laugh escaped my lips as the man before me reminded me of Harper and I was suddenly more than sure that I was dealing with yet another vampire. "I'm Avery, Avery Grayson and it's nice to meet you, too." I informed him and shook his hand shortly before pulling it back to my side.

"Well, if you ever feel like playing for an audience that honors your presence then you might give me a call." He suggested, handing me a piece of paper on which he had artistically drawn his number, which I stared at in wonder. "I hope I'm not being too rash but I miss hearing a tune now and then and of course you shall be paid generously."

"Sounds great." I said quietly, placing the note into my purse carefully and added. "I just can't believe that you're not artistically talented with such an amazing calligraphy."

"Ah, well it's the way I was raised." He noted with a wink and turned to leave, bidding me farewell. "I hope to hear of you soon but I still have business to attend so if you would excuse me…" He trailed off as if he was actually asking my permission.

"Of course, it was nice to meet you." I said with an awkward wave as he left the store and I rested my face in my hand, wondering why I was such an idiot around decent men. I quickly paid for the strings and left the store even faster since the young man behind the counter was smirking at me oddly as if he had seen my inept flirting, which he most likely had.

* * *

I took a detour on my way home and enjoyed the velocity the car was capable of and the speed helped clear my head from any grumpy thoughts as I pulled over before the cemetery and set the flowers I had bought down on her grave, standing before the marble stone indecisively. With a sigh I decided to sit down for a couple of minutes because somehow this place relaxed me with its tranquil atmosphere.

Tuning the guitar, I nestled down onto the ground crossing my legs beneath me and simply played for the sake of hearing the music echo back to me. At first I decided that I wouldn't sing before my mother today, it was beginning to become a habit but my fingers formed the melody before I actually decided on a song.

_Until you crash, until you burn._

_Until you lie, until you learn._

_Until you see, until you believe._

_Until you fight, until you fall._

_Until the end of everything and all._

_Until you die, until you're alive._

_Don't save me, don't save me_

'_cause I don't care._

_Don't save me, don't save me_

'_cause I don't care._

_Until you give, until you've used._

_Until you've lost, until you lose._

_Until you see how come you believe._

_Until you've lived a thousand lives._

_Until you've seen the other side._

_This is my chance, this is my chance._

_Don't save me, don't save me_

'_cause I don't care._

_Don't save me, don't save me_

'_cause I don't care._

_This is my chance, this is my chance._

_I'll take it now because I can._

_This is my chance, I won't let go._

_Don't save me, don't save me_

'_cause I don't care._

_Don't save me, don't save me_

'_cause I don't care._

_Save me, save me, save me._

_Save me, save me, save me._

_I don't care._

My voice died down and the silence that ensued was almost eerie, especially when the crack of a twig made me jump to my feet. I peered around skeptically, wondering whether my mind was playing tricks on me when I saw Harper appear on the fray of the woods. "It's you." I said in relief, shouldering the guitar with ease. "What are you doing here? Are you spying on me?" My eyes narrowed as I contemplated his appearance and was a bit glad that he didn't look as pale as he did the last time I had seen him.

"No, no. I'm sorry if I aroused your suspicions, Miss." He said with the ghost of a smile on his dark face and I had to ask myself why I was so paranoid when confronted with the tomb vampire.

"It's okay, I was leaving anyway." I turned to leave but he was by my side in a flash, pacing his stride with mine. A twinge of annoyance spiked in my mind but other than that I did feel flattered by his attention.

"You should be careful wandering the streets alone at night. There are others like myself out there and they don't abide to the rules." He grumbled softly and his concern was touching but also a bit unnecessary when you took into account that I was a vampire as well and not completely helpless but I blamed it on the times he was raised in and knew he didn't mean to insult me.

"So you're here to keep them in check?" I asked carefully, not sure whether he could tell me about his intentions or not. We had reached the Ferrari by now and stood on the pavement next to it, not willing to end our conversation just yet.

He chuckled warmly and the sparkle in his eye made his laughter infectious. "It seems like it but I haven't found them so watch out."

"I will." I told him and opened the car door but he held it open for me just like Damon had and I paused in the doorframe because he looked like he was about to speak again. "Is there anything else you want to tell me?"

"It's a request really and a compliment. Would you like to hear it or would you rather leave?" He asked mildly, probably remembering the last time when I had simply ran away from him when I found out that he belonged to the band of tomb vampires that had escaped. I just nodded and tried to grace him with an encouraging smile. "You're voice is marvelous and you look beautiful in that dress." I flinched as usual and he apologized immediately. "I'm sorry, did I say something wrong?"

"No, it's just that I don't like the word beautiful itself." I phrased my sentence slowly, trying not to tell him too much about myself.

"Well, then you look very attractive." He said with a lopsided smile and continued. "Would you like to have dinner with me sometime as long as I promise not to call you beautiful? Even though it will be a difficult task."

I was conflicted about what to tell him but was suddenly reminded of Elena's words that Damon was flirting with loads of women so I might as well make my experiences, especially since Harper was a nice guy it seemed. "That sounds marvelous. We could meet tomorrow evening at the Mystic Grill if that's alright with you?" I suggested, deciding that offense was the best defense.

"Then I shall meet you there." He announced with a slight bow and he actually blushed a little when he said. "I wish that you have a good night's sleep, Avery." He breathed my name with a certain gravity and I felt like I should be the one blushing now but I only managed a persuasive smile.

"Goodnight, Harper." I said quietly and drove the away, watching his figure disappear into the woods again in the rearview mirror.

* * *

I parked the car back in the garage again and was rushed inside by the sounds of a fight arising. "What the hell was that?" Stefan demanded of Damon just as I walked in. "Hello, Avery." He said with a calm smile into my direction before he glared at his brother again and then glass was everywhere.

A man and a women had jumped through the windows and the latter had stabbed Stefan with a glass shard before picking a fight with Damon. I went unnoticed at first but quickly came to Stefan's aid, holding the woman in place while he staked her, collapsing on the floor from the blood loss.

I supported his weight and brought him over to the couch, craning my neck to see how Damon was doing but the man had obviously fled and Damon turned a concerned gaze onto his brother. "I can't leave you two alone for a single day, can I?" Stefan gurgled something that was supposed to be a laugh and I cast a worried glance in Damon's direction who nodded and brought several blood bags for Stefan to drain but he refused. I had forgotten his diet.

"I remember the two." He rasped, groaning when he tried to move and the movement pulled on his wound that was already fast. "From 1846." He added and Damon's eyes widened slightly before he was able to compose himself again but I wasn't surprised after my encounters with Harper.

"They escaped the tomb as well." Damon stated dully, placing the blood bags on one of the wooden counters that held the whiskey flacons. No one spoke until both Damon and I had downed our third drink. "So we now have a town filled to the brim with vampires, what a pleasure." He sneered as Stefan left the room to phone Elena and I just nodded, wondering where all this would lead to.

* * *

**Disclaimer: **Lyrics are from Savior by 30 Seconds to Mars.


	10. Let the Right One In

**10 – Let the Right One In**

Fort the first time in a long time I was actually the first one up and decided whether I should wait for the others to wake up or should actually be punctual at work. The creaking of floor boards made me flinch and in a whim I decided for the latter, changed my clothes in a hurry, grabbed my guitar and was out the door in a moment.

I was still pretty early and took a walk at human speed, trying to sort out why I felt so uncomfortable around the Salvatores at the moment and decided that it was because of my date with Harper, one of the tomb vampires. I hadn't even told them that I had found out about the tomb vampires several days ago when I met Harper in the woods and I felt incredibly guilty.

* * *

Biting my lip, I imagined how Damon would react when I told him about Harper and then frowned because there was no reason for me to care what he thought. It was my own decision with whom I went out or not and he hadn't shown any interest in taking Harper's place so why should I be considerate of his feelings? If he even had any feelings at the moment, he might have simply turned it all off or the simplest answer was that he didn't care about me anyway.

My head dropped down and I wasn't watching where I was going while I wallowed I self-pity and nearly ran into someone in front of the kindergarten. "Sorry." I mumbled dejectedly, walking around whatever obstacle was before me until that person took a hold of my wrist softly, causing my muscles to tense.

Harper quickly let go of me again and fidgeted a bit nervously. "Good morning, Avery. I apologize deeply for startling you but I had the urge to see you before tonight and tell you that I look forward to seeing you tonight deeply." He bowed slightly and brushed his lips against my hand and I had to admit that I could get used to this gallant behavior.

"That's nice of you." I said with a timid smile, surprised about how nervous the prospect of an actual date made me. It wasn't as if I was totally inexperienced with men, especially after my time as a junkie where I had practically no inhibitions but this was something different entirely. I had never actually been out with someone, especially not someone as well mannered as Harper.

"I'll probably check up on you after work since I can't wait to see you again." He placed his hands on my forearms carefully and I was frozen on the spot as he lowered his lips toward mine. A warmth spread across my cheeks when he kissed them softly and I was sure that I could melt on the spot from his gentle touch.

He was gone when I looked up and my hand immediately flew to the place he had kissed. With flushed cheeks I stormed inside, immediately hiding in the kitchen to avoid any questions that might be asked about the stranger I had spoken to in front of the door. If they thought that it was a weird occurrence, then what was I supposed to think?

Harper was quite attractive but I suddenly felt insecure about what feelings were actually involved on either side. I was just a fellow vampire he had met in the woods that helped him escape the fights for power that most likely raged among the tomb vampires. But what was he to me? Was he my way to distract myself from my feelings for Damon or was I rather trying to escape them by giving a chance to someone good?

Chances were that I was brooding too much and this was only a minor issue, something that would pass me by without much drama hopefully. That was it! I would just let it happen without interpreting the small signs that I thought I might be seeing, which would only drive me crazy in the end.

Because I wanted to get off of work as soon as possible to see Harper again, the day trickled by so slowly that I felt that it would never end. When I finally stormed out of the place, I stopped short in front of the door because there was no one there.

* * *

Disappointment washed through me so powerfully that all my doubts disappeared for a moment because somehow I had taken a liking to the man from another time. A dark haired man stepped before me and my face lit up with a hopeful smile that was washed away when I took in the pale skin of my onlooker. "Damon." I said and disenchantment rung clear in my voice as I peered around him to see if Harper was somewhere close. Where was he?

Damon narrowed his eyes at me in suspicion but spoke lightly. "Where you expecting someone else?"

"I… I don't know. No." I said quietly, giving up the search for the person I was actually waiting for but I didn't want Damon to know about it just yet when the sadness about his absence was still fresh.

"Whatever." He said, brushing a hand through his dark, glossy hair but there was something wrong. I could tell because his stance wasn't as arrogant as it usually was and he would have never dropped a subject with which he could tease me. "Something happened." Damon said gravely, confirming my suspicions.

"What is it?" I asked anxiously when he didn't continue.

"The tomb vampires have Stefan and they're…" His voice broke off oddly and I had never seen him this distressed, not even when he discovered that Katherine seemingly didn't care for him and all his efforts had been for nothing. "…torturing him." His face twisted in disgust and he couldn't meet my eyes that looked at him in honest concern. I couldn't stop caring about him since he was still one of the only people that were close to me in some strange way.

I placed my hand on his cheek timidly to turn his face into my direction but the pain in his eyes made me pull my hand back straight away but my eyes burned just as fiercely as I assured him. "I'll help you get him back, no matter what."

His brows pulled together and I wondered if he would decline my offer but then there would be no reason for him to have told me in the first place. "It seemed like you had plans for tonight…" He trailed off, gesturing around him as he obviously remembered my searching gaze.

"Well, he's not here now so I guess he has better things to do." I said, still a bit dejectedly. "And we're talking about Stefan's life and not about some date that probably would have been disastrous anyway." I grumbled, kicking away a stone on the ground.

He chuckled at my pessimism and threw an arm around my shoulders that only made me feel slightly tense as we started walking. "If he knows what's best for him, then he'll call you soon enough to apologize. Or are you the one who would have made the date a disaster?" He asked curiously, tightening his arm around my shoulders to ruffle my hair amicably.

With a breathless chuckle, I admitted. "Probably, I fear my dating times were over before they really started."

"You can't be that old." He exclaimed and I joined into his bubbling laughter but froze when I saw Elena standing next to his car, looking at me with daggers for eyes when she noticed the casual arm slung around my shoulder. Damon drew it back when we came closer and I wondered whether he felt guilty for this sign on affection. To my great annoyance this seemed to be true because he kept his distance from me to hear whatever Elena had to say.

* * *

"I want to come with you and help free Stefan." She said defiantly and I admired her foolish determination for once.

"Not a good idea." Damon said sternly, looking down at her with blazing eyes that showed so much emotion that I had to turn my face away because I felt as if I was intruding on a special moment that was only meant for two.

"Why not?" She screamed rebelliously and I had to bite my lip hard to keep from laughing but I still rolled my eyes at her behavior that seemed quite young to me even though I wasn't that much older than her.

Damon balled his fists in frustration and told her calmly. "Because if you're there, I won't only have to fight a horde of angry vampires but also have to worry about your safety. You'll take the role of the driver, Elena, please."

They stared into each other's eyes for several moments and I could see the conflict in Elena's eyes. She probably felt like listening to Damon would be betraying Stefan, the man she loved but she had to see reason. She nodded curtly and got into the driver's seat stiffly.

Damon got into the seat next to her while I got into the back which was already occupied by another passenger to my great astonishment. "Alaric?"

"You're one of them as well." He groaned in surprise when he recognized my face and I frowned at his unhappy reaction since he had seemed like another of the rare decent men in Mystic Falls.

"Nice to see you as well." I grumbled in reaction to his unfriendly manner.

"Don't blame him for being an ass." Damon chimed from the front. "He's still confused by the little affair I had with his wife Isobel." He smirked devilishly and I felt sympathy for the obviously uncomfortable Alaric.

"Just like I would never blame you for being an ass? I can deal with that." I told him cheekily, throwing Alaric a winning smile who actually managed a weak smile in return. This ended up being the only friendly exchange in the entire ride and the tension inside the vehicle was palpable, the silence as cutting as a knife.

* * *

And the wait continued when Alaric got into the house supposedly to make a phone call because his car had broken down. I wasn't even sure what made him help us, aside from the fact that he might sympathize with Stefan. Maybe Damon had threatened to kill him if he didn't help but I remembered what had happened the last time he had tried and been unsuccessful.

Alaric brought the human housekeeper to the front door and I was pulled out of my reverie by the multiple bite marks that covered her visible skin. I knew that I was nowhere from innocent and had used several humans to satiate my needs but this seemed too grotesque to me. Damon tried to compel her into letting us in but she was too far gone to comply to his demands. I flinched when he snapped her neck but had to admit that it was the only way for us to get into the house since a human shield was a clever idea.

The rush of adrenaline took over as we entered the house and I stalked in as Damon's shadow, striking down whoever escaped his grasp. We were granted the element of surprise otherwise we would have never survived against the number of vampires that were still at home here and not roaming around Mystic Falls.

The stake in my hand drove through a woman's heart and straight into the wall behind her so I was momentarily stuck in the wall, which gave another man enough time to drive a stake through my extended arm and I groaned at the amount of pain that shot through my body, enough to paralyze me. But the death blow that I expected never came since a stake was protruding from his chest and he collapsed into a pile of ashes, leaving Damon standing behind the space he once was.

I took a shaky breath and Damon placed his hand on mine to pull the stake out of the wall. "Please don't tell me I have to worry about your safety now as well." He murmured with a lopsided grin that would have made my heart stop if it had still been beating in my chest.

"I'll be fine." I said quietly, feeling warmth tingle in my hand that was still covered by his but I had felt the same way when Harper had kissed my cheek so I didn't give the feeling much attention. This might have been a normal reaction to human touch but I knew that I was only trying to reason with myself.

"Whatever you say, my love." He said huskily and his face was too close for my liking, making me anxious but I pushed him to the side urgently when I spotted a vampire behind his back. My hand lashed out and the stake in my hand plunged deeply into the chest of another man that had been unknown to me. Maybe he had been as innocent as most vampires but since he stood in my way to rescue the kidnapped Stefan, I had not time to show mercy.

"Good one." Damon complimented me but he looked a bit perplexed at my sudden movement and I couldn't blame him since I might have pushed him away either way and Damon Salvatore was not used to rejection from a woman.

He made his way towards the basement door but I was distracted by a noise behind me and whirled around to be faced with another woman. "So you must be Damon's new toy." She snarled, revealing white rows of teeth and elongated fangs. "The times might have changed but he hasn't." Somewhere deep in my mind her words hurt me because I knew that she was right but thanks to my vampire instincts I was only concentrated on my prey.

We circled each other and fear pulsated beneath my cool surface because she was older than me and obviously clever as well since she was trying to distract me from the fight by talking. She lunged at me and sunk her teeth into the skin above my collarbone, causing me to involuntarily scream in agony. I didn't want to let her hear my suffering since most sadists enjoyed such signs of displeasure and I refused to give other people such power over me so I clamped my mouth shut and staked her abdomen.

She bounded away from me and let out an animalistic snarl but I was upon her in a moment, not making the same mistake of hesitating twice. I succeeded in hitting her heart and watched in dreadful amazement as her veins stood out prominently against her grey skin as she fell to the ground but soon enough she was reduced to ashes.

* * *

I followed Damon into the cellar feeling a bit lightheaded from the blood loss but other than that I knew that I could be grateful to still be alive in the face of such ominous threats. Stefan's body was hanging limply from the ceiling with cuts covering his entire body. A bottle of vervaine and a stake stood close to him and I pulled a face when I realized how he had been tortured. He looked extremely weak but Damon and Elena were already at his side and helping him down.

Elena's presence didn't shock me enough as it should have because it wasn't surprising that she was disobedient if she really loved Stefan as much as she always claimed. But what made my chest ache was the fact that the unconscious Harper was bound to a chair next to Stefan. "Harper!" I called in worry and flashed to his side to undo the knots that held him in place. The ropes were laced with vervaine and they burned me but I ignored the pain to hastily help him out of this imprisonment.

"Avery?" He murmured in confusion but then his eyes filled with regret. "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to stand you up. Are you very put out with me?"

"Oh, Harper. I'm not angry. By all means, I would have been the one to stand you up if you hadn't been trapped down here." I said softly, helping him up. He used the opportunity to loop his arm through mine and lead me out of this wicked house.

We stood beneath the pale moonlight and turned our heads skywards. The sky was star filled and gorgeous, mesmerizing in itself. I hadn't realized how much clearer things looked as a vampire since I had never looked up at the night sky and seen how much more I could see. Why couldn't my emotions be just as clear?

I slipped my arm out of Harper's again but he didn't seem offended. "What do you feel like doing tonight?" He asked politely, crossing his arms behind his back.

* * *

Before I could answer I suddenly noticed that Stefan and Elena had passed us but Damon hadn't come out and I hadn't paid attention to Alaric who was already running back into the house to come to Damon's aid. I rushed in behind him and was just in time to catch a stake that was aimed for Damon's back and wrestled with the vampire that had thrown it.

The fighting ensued and I completely forgot about the sweet man that I was actually supposed to be going out with as I blocked thrust after thrust and struck out with the stake in my hand, dealing one deathly blow after the other. The three of us were quite efficient and although this was Damon's revenge and not mine, the speed of the brawl was exhilarating.

We wanted to leave the house and the guilt was slowly crawling up upon me since I had simply left Harper to help out Damon and that wouldn't leave the best of impressions on him but my thoughts were interrupted when Damon's hand held me back from walking any further. The house was surrounded and I knew that we wouldn't stand a chance against the mass of these attackers. We retreated into the house with grim faces but the next person that came in was a surprise.

Pearl came in flanked by Harper who looked at me with solemn eyes, making my bad conscience peak in discomfort. Damon was the first to speak and the relief was obvious in his voice. "I'm not at fault for this. You're minions kidnapped my brother and tortured him." He said, incredulously but Pearl's face remained an unmoved mask and for a second I feared that we were done for, that she would kill us now.

"I apologize for their malapropos behavior." She hissed, tilting her head so that the vampires behind her felt addressed. "I will take care of the matter." She assured Damon and we left the house unscathed to my great surprise but not without feeling Harper's stare boring into mine. I didn't know what it meant but I felt saddened that our date hadn't worked and had taken such a turn for the worse.

* * *

I trailed behind the others and kept turning my head to see if he might be following me but no such a thing happened. We found Elena and Stefan beside the corpse of a now dying vampire and Stefan stood above him with blood covering his face. The body turned to ashes and Stefan's face relaxed again but I had never seen him this scary. He had always been such an anti-vampire that I had forgotten about his true nature.

He seemed a whole lot stronger than before and I thought I could smell Elena's blood a bit stronger than before so she probably gave him her blood. It puzzled me but I didn't think much of it since we were already getting back into the car but a call distracted me. "Avery!"

I whirled around and beamed at Harper who was running towards me, stopping at a safe distance. There was a shy smile on his face that was nothing compared to the brilliant smile that was fixed on my face. At least I wasn't failing completely at this entire dating matter, he still seemed to be interested in getting to know me or at least he wasn't ignoring me completely. "Would you like to take a walk with me?"

I heard someone, presumably Damon, make a gagging sound which was followed by a grunt of discomfort from someone elbowing him into the side or something like that. "I'd love to." We both started moving away from the car and the house full of watchful vampires.

"Don't be too late, my love." Damon called after me, making me roll my eyes and Harper visibly flinched beside me. I knew that Damon was clearly enjoying my discomfort but did he have to exaggerate in such a way?

A silence spread between us that I didn't know how to fill so I waited for Harper to speak. "Is he your boyfriend or whatever they call it these days?"

"He's not, I'm just currently living with Damon and Stefan and the latter can be quite the tease at times." I explained, gently smiling at him but he still seemed insecure, which was just how I felt as well but I tried to hide it as best as I could but I was threading a nervous hand through my hair quite often, betraying my true feelings. "It must be confusing to get used to a new age."

"Certainly." He exclaimed, happy for the change of subject. "I feel completely clueless all the time and I can't even take a lady out on a proper date."

"I don't mind." I assured him and encouraged him to keep talking since I enjoyed the rumble of his deep voice and he hadn't talked a lot in the times that I had seen him. "So how was it like to live in your time?"

Halfway through his recount of the social code of his time, I noticed that he had seemed quite uncomfortable with being the one to dominate the conversation but now he spoke freely and the excitement in his eyes was infectious. I didn't even know why I had been suspicious of him as a tomb vampire when I had first met him.

We walked and talked for what seemed like hours and I found his presence quite soothing compared to the other vampires that I knew. Of course, that was taking his diet out of account since I wasn't sure whether he still fed off of live humans, although I wouldn't judge him if he did but it would be very suspicious if more campers were supposedly attacked by animals in the woods.

Harper and I lead some great conversations that even kept me from realizing that I normally wasn't comfortable in the woods with only one man alone, for obvious reasons. But I was suddenly reminded of the fear that a dark forest brought on within me when Harper's face came irrevocably close to mine. Images flashed through my mind that I hadn't seen in such a while and the impact was so forceful that I was frozen in panic.

It only took a soft brush of Harper's lips against mine to make me lose it completely, stumbling away from him and landing on the ground but I didn't feel the collision since I was already hyperventilating. My breath came fast but I still had the feeling that I couldn't breathe, that I was suffocating.

"Avery, what is it? What did I do? I'm sorry." Harper said heartfelt, his expression blank with surprise. He tried to step closer to me but that only made me back up as dread gripped my innards like a cold hand closing around my heart.

"I… I'm…" I stuttered my voice as thin as paper but I couldn't get any coherent words out of my mouth, especially none that would properly explain my situation.

Harper kneeled down a few spaces away from me and studied me intently, taking in my frightened expression with a hint of pain on his face. "Take deep breaths and then try to talk to me. Please, Avery."

I tried to comply to his advice but it was harder said than done and I had to close my eyes so that I could finally speak my mind. But as soon as the words were out, I knew that it had been the wrong thing to say. "Harper, this is just too much. I've been through a lot and I don't think I can do this." I whispered softly, rubbing at my temples in a desperate attempt to get rid of the anxiety. Out of experience, I knew that all counteractions were futile but I had to try. I couldn't stand the open hurt I saw on Harper's face when I opened my eyes.

"It's okay." He said in a defeated tone and hid his face from me as he got up. I scrambled to my feet but still wasn't able to stand Harper's closeness so I kept my distance and simply listened to what he said. "You haven't been a vampire for a real length of time and I understand that you're still strained."

There was no way that he could actually understand what I meant but I had to try to explain it to him, I couldn't leave him clueless. "No, that's not it." I exclaimed but he cut me off with a gentle gesture of his slender hand.

"You don't have to act like everything's alright. Not in front of me." He added tenderly, the ghost of a smile appearing on his face but it was only a sad one that spoke of unrequited feelings.

I wanted to protest but only opened and closed my mouth around words that I just wasn't able to bring across my lips just yet. "Thank you, Harper." I breathed instead but the smile I tried to muster was more of an estranged smirk than anything else and Harper noticed.

"I'll get going now, there's a lot to repair at the house if you know what I mean." He tried to say lightly but his head drooped as he turned around and he seemed crushed by my reaction. This sounded too much like a goodbye to me and that wasn't what I wanted I realized with a start.

"Wait!" I called out to him, raising a shaking hand towards his retreating figure. He turned around hopefully and I thrust my hands into my pockets to hide the trembling. "When will I see you again?" I asked cautiously, not sure whether he actually wanted to repeat tonight's events after my fallout a moment ago.

A moment of silence ensued in which I took in his startled face nervously, waiting for his answer. A wide smile grew on his face and his white teeth gleamed in stark contrast to his dark skin and the darkness that surrounded us in the night. "Whenever it pleases you." He assured me and disappeared into the night, leaving me with a happy, tingling feeling in the pit of my stomach.

With a gleeful twist I whirled around and ran through the night elated by the turn of events and the chill of the night air that cut across my face while I ran made my fear melt away. Maybe everything was going to turn out alright.

* * *

I skidded to a halt in front of Damon in the living room and the grin on my face sunk into an unhappy frown when I took in his face. Something was wrong again. Why couldn't everything just stay in its place for approximately five minutes? "I'm guessing you're date was a success?" He said, oddly detached as he stared into his whiskey glass as though it held the answers to all his problems.

I chuckled and covered my mouth with my hand to keep from laughing since Damon seemed so serious all the sudden. "It was civil, then I turned it into a disaster, naturally, but he has a high level of tolerance and as it seems I'll see him again soon." Now the grin was back on my face because I couldn't help but be absolutely elated even if Damon looked like he might just want to drown in that crystalline glass of his.

"Good for you." He sneered sarcastically, an emotion very close to anger flitting over his face before he composed himself again.

"Gee, thanks, sunshine." I said in amusement and sat down next to be level with his face when I softly asked. "What happened?"

He simply groaned and leaned back on the couch, running an uneasy hand through his face. It took him a moment before he could tell me what was going on but I simply sat next to him patiently while he sorted out his thoughts. "Stefan's on human blood again. All our blood bags have been drained."

"And?" I said, dumbfounded by this piece of information.

Damon shook his head at me and stated, coldly. "You don't understand because you don't know him as long as I do. Stefan on blood is like a serial killer fresh out of jail, ready to kill no matter the cost."

"Sounds like you're worried." I teased him but my voice still sounded a bit flatter than usual. Stefan might just blow our cover if he was actually as uncontrollable as Damon said.

"It's none of your business." He snapped at me and I sighed, tired of his repellent behavior. "But there's something else, too." Damon laid a gentle hand on mine and I was still too stricken from my earlier experience to let him go through with it. My hand slipped out under his but he left it on my thigh and his next words held me in place. "Vicki's body was found."

My world came to a halt and it didn't matter that I felt attracted to Harper, it didn't matter that Damon's hand made me feel uncomfortable. "Vic?" I whispered and my throat felt constricted by a huge bump. I knew that she was dead but reality had to remind me of my loss over and over again and it didn't seem fair that I should be alive while she was dead.

"I'm sorry." He said earnestly but his words stung me.

"You're sorry?!" I exclaimed in disbelief and jumped away from him as if he had a fatal, infectious disease. "What have you ever been sorry for in your entire existence? So you're sorry you turned her or are you sorry that you weren't the one to kill her instead of Stefan? You make me sick. How dare you feign regret to me?" He stood before me unmoving and I pounded my fists against his chest as fury and pain battled for dominance inside of me. "You turned me and never said you were sorry about that!" I croaked breathlessly, my anger still burning within me but the words were running out. "You…"

Damon's lips crashed into mine before I could rant at him anymore and his lips captured mine in a searing kiss. My back was suddenly against the wall and I let all my anger and desperation fuel the kiss on and found myself pressed into the couch in the next moment with Damon hovering above me, his face grave. My mind was reeling and everything was spinning out of control before me. What was all this supposed to mean?

"I never apologized for turning you because I'm not sorry about it but I am sorry that my actions hurt you in the end because that's not what I wanted." He explained fiercely and then stood before the couch, peering down on me with an amused twinkle in his eyes. "Never fails to shut you up, huh?"

Why was he playing with me all the time? I closed my eyes to forget his beautiful face and the kiss because it meant nothing. That was just what Damon was like, whose retreating footsteps I heard which meant that I was now completely alone with my raging feelings that were burning me out from the inside until I only felt charred and empty. I curled up and let exhaustion take me to someplace where all this wasn't happening.


	11. Under Control

**11 – Under Control**

I woke up to hear yet another argument between the Salvatore brothers but I couldn't get myself to care, I didn't even want to move. So I simply listened to their banter and didn't even bother to motivate myself to get up soon.

Loud music blared through the house and I heard Stefan's controlled breathing. "Why are you always trying to stay in control? Just let it go and embrace your true nature because this music is killing me and you're waking up Avery." Damon sneered but I could almost hear him grow impatient when his brother didn't react to his snide remarks so he piled more onto him. "You know that you don't even have to kill humans to drink their blood. Blood banks are easily robbed." He told his brother lightly and I knew that he had a point.

"I've got it under control." Stefan grunted, ignoring his brother otherwise.

Nothing happened for a while and I was almost surprised by how easily Damon had given up when I heard him say. "Oops, wouldn't want to tempt you, would I?" He gulped down what I presumed was blood and then made his way down the stairs to where I was still lying on the couch, too thickheaded to move from my spot. There was nothing for me to stand up to anyway since I had no work waiting for me today. "And what are you the screen, the doing here, sleeping beauty?"

"Ugh, just shut up, Damon." I groaned, pulling the covers over my head like the typical movie character but just like it always is on the screen, the blanket was ripped from my face. It probably revealed a grumpy, sour looking me since Damon was smirking away like he had nothing to lose.

"What's wrong?" He chimed, sounding full of himself as usual. "Are you thinking that your Prince Charming might not want you anymore because you've been tainted by me?" The grin on his face could only be described as devilish and I was sure that he would start purring in delight any second as my discomfort grew.

"I actually hadn't given it a thought up until now but no, I don't think that that would be the case. Harper just thinks too good of me." I grumbled, still not moving from my cozy lying position and I was definitely not making room for Damon to sit down because this conversation was already getting on my nerves, as always.

Damon raised his delicate brows at my disgraceful remark and coolly questioned. "And that bothers you?" I looked up into his beautiful face and regretted it instantly because I automatically compared Harper to him. The latter was handsome of course but Damon was simply Damon, appealing in every manner and there I could hardly imagine a being on this planet comparable to him. But that was probably just my crush on him speaking. He looked at me exasperated and I noticed that he was still waiting for an answer so I simply shrugged my shoulders. "You can't be serious, Avery." The way he said my name made chills run up and down my spine and his next words didn't help ease the high feeling that I had. "He thinks highly of you because you are a good person. I of all people can testify on that matter."

"I don't care, whatever, maybe I do." I said tiredly and let my eyes close and my lips felt strangely cold as I spoke, frowning slightly at my own words. "But that's not it. Damon, I just feel so drained." I tried to explain the empty feeling inside but I felt too weak and strained to even think about what I was doing or not doing. All the thoughts were slipping out of my mind like a slippery fish would have escaped the grip of my bear hands, at least as a human but I wasn't a human anymore so this should probably not be happening. But what did I mean now? It must not have been important.

Sleep was already dragging me down again but Damon's sharp voice made me open my eyes again, startled by his vehemence. "Avery, don't fall asleep. When was the last time that you drank blood?" His voice softened at the end, becoming as velvet and smooth as honey dripping down my throat, even though that was a strange saying since that would be way too sweet. Something sharp dug into my side and I winced when I realized Damon had nudged me with his elbow. "Concentrate, Avery! Blood, when did you last drink it?"

"I'm not sure. Can't you just leave me alone?" I whined, trying to wave him away with my hands but he just caught them in midair and held them tightly in his own, forcing me to look at him.

He actually looked a bit worried to me, which surprised me. But why did that surprise me? My awareness was wavering and it wasn't until Damon squeezed my hands that I remembered that he wanted something from me. "Avery, you need blood." He breathed softly, drawing soothing circles on my hand with his strong fingers. Wait, didn't I not like it when he touched me? Now my own twisted thoughts were confusing me even more and I had to draw several deep breaths to think clearly again. It still felt a bit murky to me.

"I don't want it." I exclaimed, holding on to Damon's hand when he wanted to get up to presumably get me some blood. "I don't want it." I repeated, a bit quieter this time and Damon sat back down before me and his gaze seemed so penetrating that for a moment I felt like I was completely naked although that wouldn't have bothered him anyway.

His face seemed anguished for a moment but it must have only been in my vivid imagination because in the next split second he was snapping at me, angrily. "Not you, too. I've got a meeting to attend." He whipped away my hands and they landed on my chest with an audible thump while he whirled around to leave me to my own devices. In the doorway, he hesitated and pivoted gracefully on the spot, making me think that he would have been a nice ballerina. Maybe he even was a dancer in one of his many lives, who knew. "Are you sure that you don't need any blood?" He raised the question again a bit more cautiously.

"No, thank you." I said, calmly and Damon turned to leave again but I called him back. "Damon?"

He turned around again, looking at me expectantly. "Yes?"

"Have you ever thought about a career in dancing?" I asked him with a childish grin on my face and made little, moving figurines out of my fingers to prove my point. "You move like one, so…" I folded my hands in my lap to keep from looking like an idiot and because I couldn't come up with the right word to describe his movements. "… debonair?"

At first Damon's face was only a mask of surprise but then the corners of his mouth turned up into a smirk and he kneeled before me again. "How would you even know a word like debonair?" He asked tenderly, pushing a strand of hair out of my eyes and my skin prickled where his fingertips brushed my cheekbones. "I don't care what you do, just get better soon." He told me before he disappeared again, leaving me alone with an overly exuberant Stefan that was huffing with exertion but I didn't have the mind to think about what he was doing or how he was doing. I just wanted to sleep.

* * *

And sleep I did, until the sun was already going down behind the treetops of the forest that I could see outside of the window, bathing the sky with orange, red and pinkish hues. It was a soothing sight and so absorbingly beautiful that I flinched violently when my phone started vibrating in my pocket. I fumbled around clumsily and it had already stopped when it was finally in my hands but the text message that I had received made my eyes widen for a moment before I groaned, throwing back my head onto the cushions of the couch.

"Now don't you look amused." A sarcastic voice commented behind me and I jumped to my feet in weary expectation of whoever had sneaked up on me, only to get tripped by the blanket entwined oddly with my legs due to my sudden movements. Stefan caught me in midair and I yelped in fright at his cold touch, flying across the room in the blink of a second.

The rush of the moment made my world spin and I sunk to my knees, clutching my painfully throbbing skull. "Stefan, what the hell." I hissed through clenched teeth and shut my eyes against the swirl of images that were my vision. The pain that pulsed in my head ebbed away and my eyelids fluttered open again but I wished I could simply close them again as I watched Stefan pour a bottle of whiskey into himself to chase the bloodlust away presumably.

"Well, if I'm amused, then you're a ray of sunshine." I spat angrily, still fighting shudders from Stefan's cold touch. He didn't even know what he was doing to me and his carelessness angered him since he wasn't the only one with issues.

He sighed heavily and spoke in a hushed tone after refilling and downing his drink for the sixteenth time I was sure. "That's what it should be like being a vampire, like walking on a path that only leads in one direction just like sunlight shining down on earth but it's never that simple. Sometimes I wonder why I even bother to be different when it only leaves me in the dark at the end, alone and so terribly hungry." He added in frustration and the glass in his steely grip was smashed into thousandth of pieces. The glass shards caught and reflected the light of the setting sun and the sight was mesmerizing but fleeting as the pieces fell to the ground.

I didn't like this Stefan that stood before me and wallowed in his darkest desires. When he was like this I could easily imagine him killing Vicki in cold blood just like he would have killed me if I had been in her pace. This Stefan was capable of all the monstrous actions that you couldn't accuse a vampire of. It was in our nature.

But I couldn't only see the dark sides that were now clearly shining through because they had been there all along and were amplified by the taste of human blood. I could also understand his wish for simplicity, especially with my head and heart aching after all that was happening around and how everything was always tending to falling apart for no reason.

"Because you care." I mumbled distractedly and Stefan visibly flinched at my soft words and he spilt a bit of amber liquid onto the floor when he whirled around to face me.

"What was that?" He asked angrily and his face was so fierce that my voice caught in my throat, insecurity making it hard to speak back to Stefan. I was used to Damon reacting testily to whatever I said to upset him but not Stefan. He was usually so calm and not easily shaken in his foundations that were built on layer and layer of tightly measured self-control but now I saw his being crumbling apart and it surprised me how much this scared me.

I braced myself and balled my hands to fists before I spoke again, calmly but not without a slight tremor in my voice. "Because you care." I repeated and for a moment I saw his expression soften and turn into something close to despair but it didn't last. "Don't look at me like I'm trying to stake you. You wanted to know why you should try to be the better person or vampire or whatever and I'm telling you why even though you were the one that killed my friend." Tears welled in my eyes and every word seemed to scratch its way out of my throat, making me feel ragged inside.

It was true, I had no reason to help him get back on track, not after what he'd done to me and taken away from me but somehow I knew it was the right thing to do. Just like Harper was the right man to date I concluded and my heart felt oddly heavy when I thought of him. "I do care but just like with Vicki that's sometimes not enough or it's exactly what dooms the people I care about." He looked up at me and his eyes were so terribly anguished that I could hardly stand looking at him for a longer length of time.

We both sat down on the couch and I let Stefan pour me a drink as well and as we clinked our glasses together in mock salute, I chuckled. "As Damon would say, to misery." I toasted and Stefan managed a dismal, wry smile so I tried to encourage him some more and realized just how bad I was at consoling people. Most of the time I had been on the receiving end of these kind of speeches. "You can't only see yourself as a monster that brings havoc down on anybody close to them. None of us would still be alive if that was the case."

He laughed softly but it was a hollow sound without feeling. "So you're telling me that I should simply turn off my guilty feelings?"

"No." I exclaimed and slapped his thigh in aggravation. Was he really this slow or did he simply refuse to understand what I was trying to tell him? "I want you to see the good you're doing for people. Elena seems to really love you and I don't even know what she would do without you now that she has you." I added with a bitter note leaking through at the mention of my favorite person in the world. "Can't you talk to her about your… issues?" I worded carefully, taking in his livid expression warily.

"I don't want her to see me like this." He snapped but controlled himself again just as fast, saying a bit more calmly. "I don't want her to see the monster inside of me. She's not aware of how dangerous I am." He said gravely and for a moment he left me wondering how lethal Stefan had been in his past to have these demons haunting him even now.

He was most likely right about Elena's naivety but I was more worried about his mood swings that could endanger more people than her. "You'll just have to keep trying to prove her wrong. She might not be able to see how hard you're working on yourself but I can see it and any other vampire really. Sometimes I can't believe how you can stand being so close to a human." I said in disgust and wrinkled my nose when I remembered how good her blood could smell but I somehow didn't feel real tempted to have a taste of the crimson liquid right now. Maybe because I wanted to stay as far away as possible from strangers or simply because I was still reeling from last night's events, the shock overshadowing my hunger for the moment.

In my reverie, I hadn't noticed that Stefan was already halfway to the door. "Maybe." He said thoughtfully and I jumped up to follow him before my thoughts caught up with me.

"Where are you going?" I asked timidly, standing in the doorway awkwardly with nowhere to go.

He turned to me and the jubilant grin on his face was as fake as I could have possibly imagined it and worry sunk into every pore of my body. "Don't you know that there's a party tonight?" He asked me innocently but his grin looked more than a little predatory, making me take a confused step back.

I inwardly groaned at the mention of the party that Jeremy had invited me to, reminding me of the fact that I had promised to accompany him to the next party of a kind. I crossed my arms before my chest protectively and tried very hard not to let it show how much his mood swings were freaking me out currently. "Jeremy texted me about it." I grumbled and his amusement only deepened when he noticed my discomfort.

"Don't you enjoy a good party?" He asked suggestively and before I could answer he grabbed my hand and twirled me around, catching me again close to the ground. His face was too close for my liking and he still wore that crazy grin that made me feel helpless but I kept my exterior cool to not satisfy his strange needs.

"Not really, but my greatest problem at the moment is that I wouldn't have anything to wear either way." I replied with the hint of a triumphant smile on my face as his face turned sour but the spooky smile was turned on again in a matter of seconds.

"Damon got you something without a doubt." With those words he disappeared and I nearly tumbled to the ground when he released me from his grip but even before I had caught my balance again he was back, grabbing my elbow to balance me. He held a sleeveless black cocktail dress in his other hand. "Now you have no excuses. I'll see you there and then you owe me a real dance." He informed me and was gone again, leaving alone with the satin texture of the dress in my hands.

* * *

I stared at it suspiciously for several moments before I started changing into it with a deliberate sigh. It fit perfectly and I wondered whether Damon measured me in my sleep or whether he was just this good at judging the female body. I stood before the full length mirror and was astonished at the exquisite beauty of the piece of clothing. It was the simplest of designs but the way it hugged my body made me feel absolutely desirable. It had a tight bodice and came down gently splaying around my knees. When I looked down at my feet I was astonished to find a pair of silver high heels standing right in front of the mirror.

I combed out my hair and felt exhaustion course through but I shook it off for the moment and brought my attention to my makeup. Black eyeliner, mascara and dark red lipstick completed my timeless look and as I slipped into the shoes I was sure that my mother would have loved to see me this way, more polished and attractive than I had ever been when she was alive.

* * *

When I left the house a bit wistfully, I was astonished to find Harper waiting for me in a suit nonetheless and a wondrous gaze on his face. I hesitantly made my way towards him and a wave of guilt hit me when I remembered how Damon had been the one to kiss me last night and I kissed him back. I felt like I was betraying the feelings he had for me before they could even blossom. "I can't even find the words that would adequately describe how heartbreakingly gorgeous you look or should I say you look absolutely swell?" He said with an amused smirk and held out his arms to me.

I laughed nervously at his odd wording and stood before him awkwardly, keeping my distance even though there was nothing I would rather do than close the distance that separated us but I felt that it was more than just physical distance that kept me from his embrace. He wasn't flustered by my mild rejection and gently laid an arm around my waist that I didn't shake off. "Why are you going to the Founders' Day Kick-Off Party?" I asked suddenly, finding his appearance odd all the sudden.

"Because you're going." He said in surprise as if it was the most obvious thing in the world and I smiled at his sweet words, feeling a bit of the anxiety leaking straight out of me. What was I thinking? Harper would never do anything that caused me displeasure.

"And how would you know that I was going anyway?" I asked cheerfully, watching his flustered cheeks redden.

"I… I simply assumed…" He tried to explain and I knew that my question caught him off guard. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be bold. It's just that you're friends with the Salvatore brothers and they're there so…"

"It's okay, Harper." I cut him off before he could say anything more. "I'm just teasing you." His responding grin shone in the darkness and made me smile in return. How could I have ever thought that this was wrong when it felt so right?

"Well, in that case all is well. As long as you're not promised to someone else tonight…" He trailed off and I squirmed uncomfortably since that was exactly the case.

"I did promise someone to accompany him." I confessed but his smile never wavered. "That doesn't seem to bother you." I remarked curiously and he shrugged his shoulder. "I'm guessing Jeremy won't mind if I accompany him to some other event but what would your plan have been if he wasn't so amicable?" I wondered aloud and the dazzling smile I was given almost made me gasp out loud.

"Steal you away." He suggested, his teeth grazing his full lips that suddenly seemed quite alluring to me. I think it was Harper's friendly, open manner that made me feel so attracted to him. He wasn't like anyone I had ever met and not just because he was technically from a different time. Everything he did was clear and honest without any ulterior motive that might take you aback in the end. It was nice to know that Harper wasn't likely to let me down in that agenda. "But that would have probably been a too bold of a course of action for me. Most likely I would have waited in the background until you got tired of the other guy." He said lightly and once again I admired his honesty.

"Probably the best line of action." I concurred when an unpleasant thought came to me and I freed myself from Harper's arm. "Harper, why do you want to go out with me?" I pretty much demanded, my metallic eyes boring into his, the gold smoldering in my fierce expression.

His eyebrows knitted together as he stared at his empty arm that still hung in midair. He pulled it back to his side and met my gaze without flinching. "Because I adore you." He stated mildly, edging towards me again. "Avery, what's wrong? In the one moment everything's alright and in the next you're pushing me away."

I had to admit that he was right but I had my reasons and he had no idea whatsoever how justified my doubts were. Still, I eased back into his arm since I probably was overreacting. "I was just thinking about hidden agendas." I told him with a frown and he listened patiently, waiting for me to go on. "I'm not sure why you like me." I said offhandedly, downplaying his confession from before because there was quite a difference between like and adore. The last sounded a bit too stalker-ish to me but I was a freak when it came to relationships and I had no idea what was normal and what not. "Are you sure that it has nothing to do with the fact that I was pretty much the first other vampire you met besides the ones that you were locked up with in the tomb?"

I didn't look over at his reaction this time because I didn't want this happy bubble to burst just yet. Did it really matter why he liked me? It seemed important to me a moment ago but now that I was actually facing the very real possibility of all this being a farce I wasn't so sure anymore. If I had looked over at him, I would have seen the plain shock and disbelief on his face that spoke more than a thousand words. This way I only saw him shake his head in dismay and look at me with a sad smile on his face. "Avery, I don't think that you see yourself clearly."

"What does that have to do with anything?" I burst out in astonishment but he cut me off with an elegant wave of his hand and intertwined my arm with his so he could lead me into the Lockwood mansion where some waiter was kind enough to invite us in.

"It's true that you were the first person I met after my time in that prison of sorts." He scoffed and I could hardly imagine what the memory of his entombment meant to him. His dark eyes stared into mine tenderly as he continued. "But I've seen many other new people ever since that day in the woods and no one was quite as mesmerizing as you, Miss Grayson."

His earnest words made me blush and my face was completely blank when he brushed his lips against my cheek in a soft and fleeting kiss that made me want more. My own desires surprised me since I usually didn't care who I would make out with but right now it was only Harper standing next to me and it was as if no one else in the room mattered. I could clearly feel the beginning of a serious crush forming and it frightened and exhilarated me at the same time.

* * *

But I had no time to ponder what could have happen next because we were sucked into the commotion of the party when Damon came over to us, an unreadable expression on his face.

"Did you drink?" He asked gravely, completely ignoring Harper but I thought I saw him glower at the arm that was wrapped around my waist protectively. A lopsided grin formed on his face as he looked me up and down, his eyes roaming across the curves of my body and I felt exposed and guilty again. "I knew the dress would suit you well."

I just shook my head with a sigh. "You're impossible and I did have a drink, but of the other kind, with Stefan and something's wrong." I said seriously but he just kept grinning at me and waved it off like he wasn't taking me for full.

"I know, I know. I'll take care of it. You two enjoy yourselves but be careful, man, she bites." He told Harper with a wink and disappeared in the crowd as I felt Harper stiffen, his hand gripping my waist painfully. I shimmied in his steely grip but couldn't budge from my spot at all.

"Harper." I whispered desperately and he finally met my gaze but didn't loosen his grip. "He's an arse, just ignore him." I told him but I didn't even believe myself for a second so how could Harper.

He managed a weak smile but his eyes still seemed tortured. "He's hard to ignore." I chuckled at the obvious statement but an awkward silence spread between us either way.

"Avery!" The other Salvatore brother called to me with slurred speech and I feared the worse when he pulled me away from the still petrified Harper and onto the dance floor. "You owe me a dance now that you're properly dressed." He said in an appreciative but not offensive way. Even when he was drunk he was still better than Damon.

"I don't think this is the right time, Stefan." I said nervously, looking for Harper through the masses of people that made me feel trapped in this room, in this situation. But Stefan somehow managed to charm me into dancing with him. He wasn't forcing himself onto me but rather wrapped me into a twisting dance that was actually fun, even though I had never been one for dancing but I could bet my fangs on the fact that Stefan was even less of a dancer than me. It was absolutely hilarious to watch Stefan swing his hips in the rhythm of the blaring bass and I was sure that I would never see this surreal scene again.

Stefan took my left hand in his right and we stood next to each other facing in the same direction when he suddenly pulled me in with a sudden movement and whirled me around until his other hand entwined with mine and my back was pressed against his chest. He then released me in the same manner, letting go of my right hand first until I stood next to him again but then someone else grabbed my other hand and I was pulled against someone else's chest, forcing Stefan to let go of me. "Harper!" I exclaimed joyfully and wrapped my arms around his neck.

He smiled down on me and wrapped his arms around my waist in return and pulled me impossibly close. "You seem to be desirable to many men." I froze as my mind immediately jumped to the one boy that had ruined me for any other man that might or might not want me now.

"And you're not one for sharing?" I asked jokingly but my voice sounded hollow even to me.

He looked at me angrily but answered coolly. "I don't care whether I have to share you or not as long as you return to me in the end." His gaze was so fierce that I was completely mesmerized again and didn't even register the fact that our lips were closing in on each other until I could see the detail of each and every one of his eyelashes so clearly that they made up my entire frame of vision. "Just don't run away from me." He whispered huskily and his eyelids fluttered shut but mine stayed open as his lips finally dared to close the precariously balanced distance between us.

His lips met mine and he hesitated before parting them and moving them against mine before I closed my eyes to my first real kiss that I knew I wouldn't have second thoughts about in hindsight, I caught a glimpse of Elena and Damon by the bar, which only motivated me further to shut my eyes against the outside world.

The kiss was hesitant and sweet but the stab of jealousy that I felt made me feel like a hypocrite within it but the piercing guilt, that seemed to be haunting me permanently, dissipated as the kiss deepened. The synchronized movement of our lips preoccupied my mind and I threaded my hand into his rough hair while his hands trailed down my back. In the back of my mind, I wondered what I was doing here and felt like I was using Harper to get my thoughts off of the person that I couldn't have.

* * *

He was the one to break the kiss first and my nose touched his as I leaned forward for more but he simply chuckled and pecked my lips before loosening his arms around me. "How about a walk to cool off again?" He suggested nervously and I was painfully aware of the mild rejection I had just received but didn't think about it further while Harper lead me outside.

We walked outside into the gardens and frustration welled up inside of me whose source I couldn't define. I walked ahead of Harper only to whirl around and stare at him accusingly. "So I'm guessing you're going to tell me that you want to take it slow." My testy mood even surprised me but it was nothing compared to how shocked Harper looked.

"Avery, what's wrong?" He asked, puzzled but I wouldn't let him come any closer and took a step back for each step he took forward, shaking my head in denial.

"I don't have time for this. I can't wait for you to adapt to this time, I can't wait for anything because I have been keeping my own life on hold for way too long. I…" My rant was interrupted by Harper who grasped my forearms and stared into my eyes intently but I wasn't even sure what I was talking about anymore. "I don't know what I want." I finished my sentence from before and felt empty, devoid of any emotion that I should be feeling.

"That's okay." Harper told me earnestly, eyeing me as if I was some kind of caged animal that would strike at him at any given moment. "I don't know how to act around you, around anybody really. Everything's mixed up in this time and I feel left out, like I can't keep up with you because you're holding something back."

"Maybe." I admitted and hesitantly wrapped my arms around his middle, letting my head droop onto his shoulder. "I'm sorry, Harper, for not taking your current situation into account but I feel just as new to this world as you do, at least concerning supernatural matters and I also don't know what I can say or do around you without scaring you off."

He chuckled hoarsely and embraced me slowly, sensing that it was better to touch me hesitantly. "There's nothing you could do but if you don't want me around, then just say the word and I'll be gone because I respect a lady that doesn't enjoy my attention." He assured me and I pulled back to take a proper look at him.

"Don't be silly." I said with a sly grin, kissing his lips abruptly. "And you're more perceptive than you give yourself credit. You found out that touching frightens me without me saying anything." I said quietly.

His fingers gently traced my cheekbone and he whispered. "Well, that wasn't all too complicated but I have no idea what to do next. I have no idea how the courting rituals have changed since my days." He said with an amused smirk on his face, pushing a strand of hair from my face and leaning down to plant another lasting kiss on my lips.

This time it was true that there was no one watching us and it felt good to be alone with Harper without any foreign influences. His lips moved against mine sensually and I shivered at the feelings that churned in my stomach in response. They fluttered inside of me and put me on edge but at the same time it was a good kind of risk that I felt like taking over and over again.

His hands rested on my sides and moved downward from there, trailing my hip bones and my breath caught when his thumbs dug into the skin there and pursued their way up again. The tip of his fingers met with the underwire of my bra and stopped there coming around to my back to lock onto my shoulders, pressing me against his body in a chokehold of the good sorts.

* * *

Our breath came faster when we broke apart and our gazes lingered on each others' lips before crashing down on each other again but this time we jumped apart at the sound of a crash. We both whirled around in time to see a body sprawled on the ground at an unnatural angle and Damon standing on the balcony above.

"What the hell have you done?" I exclaimed in horror, racing to the victim's side but it was too late.

Damon rubbed his hands together as if he was cleaning dust from them and said grimly. "I got rid of a loose thread, a risk. He knew everything, Avery, about the tomb, even about the history of the Salvatore brothers and Katherine Pierce." His eyes were distant and I was painfully reminded of all the reasons that made it impossible to love Damon.

I nearly jumped out of my skin when Harper set a reassuring hand onto my shoulder but he just smiled and told me. "I better be going, Pearl will want to know this and it seems like you have a lot to take care of here. I'll see you soon." He breathed and placed a last tender kiss on my lips but he was gone when I opened my eyes again.

"Are you two done down there or should I sponsor you a room?" Damon called down and I felt anger surge up inside of me again at his infuriating comments. I kicked off hard from the ground and landed next to him on the balcony, smoothing out my dress. Damon was covering his eyes but peeked through his fingers when he felt the gust of wind which indicated my arrival.

"It's none of your business and we have more important matters to discuss." I said sternly but he just smirked at me playfully, making me want to punch him in his beautiful face.

"Whatever you say, my love." He said seductively and the tingles that his musical voice inspired inside of me made me feel guilty and wary once more tonight. I shook my head in disbelief and walked back inside, anything to get away from this scheming devil.

Damon rushed past me to grab his brother's shoulder. "The council is on the hunt for vampires again and I killed Elena's uncle." He informed him evenly and Stefan's eyes widened in response but Damon dragged me down the stairs before he or I could react.

I freed my wrist out of his grip and stared at him disbelievingly. "What do you want, Damon?"

"Why so cold all the sudden? You seemed to enjoy my company very much last night but I guess now that you're all smitten with the tomb vampire, I'm no longer of use to you." I rolled my eyes at his melodramatic way of twisting things into perspective when he surprised me with his next request. "But will you at least grant me this dance?"

I stared at him in shock and then looked around us to see if anyone was watching us but my gaze locked on a figure walking inside this very moment. "Damon…" I said in a strangled voice and he squeezed my hand gently.

"Having second thoughts about the game you're playing with that vampire? Because I know that you can't be serious about him, he's not even in your league." He kept on saying but I was hardly listening.

My head snapped into his direction at the mention of Harper but I just shook my head at his strange assumptions. "No, Damon. Look!" He looked at me in confusion but then looked into the direction that I was pointing only to gaze at Elena's uncle in disbelief.

"But I killed him." He stated dumbly and my head started spinning again as the situation became too much to handle. What was the meaning of all this? My mind couldn't grasp all the things that I was missing and the chorus of conversation made my ears ring.

"Damon, this is all too much." I pressed my hands against my ears, willing everyone to disappear but I knew it wouldn't happen so I dashed back up the stairs to escape from this madhouse. I passed Stefan in a blur and jumped down from the balcony again to run through the night in a whirl of confusion and exhaustion, collapsing onto the forest floor.

* * *

**Author's Note: **So it's time for a big old **thank you **to all the readers who are sticking around to read this. **Happy reading** to you all and enjoy!


	12. Miss Mystic Falls

**12 – Miss Mystic Falls**

I woke up with a spinning head and blurry vision but was even more confused when my eyes were finally able to focus on the slanting rays of daylight. Something was different about it, I just couldn't exactly grasp what it was until I completely opened my eyes and sat up on a foreign bed, holding my aching head.

"Good morning, Miss Grayson." My head snapped into the direction of the soft voice that greeted me and I felt my expression hardening into that of a monster in fear. I groaned as the pain in my skull intensified and took in the rigid posture of Pearl, Anna's mother, standing in the doorway with a glass of blood in her hands.

My senses were running amok as the smell of the blood filled my nostrils and made my throat flare with burning hunger. Every single cell in my body felt like it was on fire, sizzling away the last of my resistance. A loud crashing sound caught my attention and I was shocked by the destruction I had brought upon the wooden frame of the bed in my engrossed mood and jumped up in startled alarm, my features turning back to normal. "I'm sorry." I mumbled, running a trembling hand through my hair in an attempt to calm my sizzling nerves.

Pearl chuckled and her amusement only put me more on edge, her nonchalant presence made me feel absolutely paranoid. "You seem… thirsty." She suggested and offered me the glass in her hand with the red substance that was driving me crazy in the moment.

I flinched away but my fangs were already elongating in anticipation, unable to wait any longer for the blood that was keeping my dead body alive. Clicking my tongue in annoyance, I accepted the glass and glared at its content, grumbling. "I hate the way it controls my life." But nonetheless I had to empty the glass just like a human had to take in his nutrition.

"That changes." Pearl said coldly and my gaze lifted to her distant one but I couldn't shake the suspicion that still haunted my every thought and action. "When seconds seem like hours and hours like years, you won't feel the hunger as strongly as before. It will be more natural to you but now it's still fresh and sporadic, the hunger taking over any minute." She threw an amused glance my way when I stiffened at her words, succumbing to my blazing thirst momentarily.

When she had refilled my glass with a crystalline carafe, which seemed a bit grotesque to me, I finally brought myself to asking the question that was terrifying me inside. "What am I doing here exactly?" I tried to ask offhandedly but the way I was clenching the glass in my hand made it obvious how wary I was of this situation. By now, I was pretty sure that I was in the house of the tomb vampires, the one in the woods, where we had rescued Stefan from terrible torture. A circumstance that didn't make my current situation very desirable.

How had I even gotten here? I tried to remember anything that might hint at the answer to my question but came up blank. After Jeremy's uncle had come back to life, I had ran away from all the intrigues and supernatural occurrences but hadn't reached whatever destination I had wanted to reach in the first place or so it seemed.

Pearl poured herself a glass before answering me and the corners of her lips twitched while my anxiousness grew. She sipped at the blood delicately and I intertwined my fingers to not seem so pathetic but her next words were not what I expected. "Harper brought you here in the middle of the night. It seems you were too weak to make your way home to your foster brothers of sort." She said with a wicked half smile.

The shock wore off when she mentioned Damon and Stefan and I couldn't help peals of laughter from bursting forth. "That's a nice way to put it and may just be close to the truth." I took another swig of blood even though I was still shaking with silent amusement about how absurd all this was. Here I was drinking blood as if it was tea with some woman I didn't know, talking about the men I lived with, who had both killed someone I held dearly but I still loved them, one more than the other and all this was happening after I was rescued by my lover of sorts, who was taking my mind off of the man I wanted but couldn't have. Women were complicated, no doubt about it.

Pearl hovered before me and reached her hand out to me and I just stared in fascination and anticipation at her long fingered, slender hand, knowing fairly well how deathly they could be. Her face was so close that she could either kill me off with her teeth or seduce me into a kiss with her exotic appearance. She placed a finger on my lips and a frown formed on my face before she surprised me yet again by simply wiping a smear of blood from my lip that trailed down to my chin, murmuring. "As long as you don't take the place of Katherine, all will be well."

I chuckled exasperatedly and exclaimed. "Hell, no. I'll leave that honor to Elena." My forehead creased in worry when I had spoken it aloud and I feared Pearl's reaction to all this but my main concern was with the Salvatore brothers. History was already repeating itself and I couldn't do anything but watch them be brought up against each other in a quarrel over one and the same woman. "Those masochists." I uttered thoughtfully, unaware of the presence of Pearl in the room.

"That's a nice way to put it, if I may borrow your words, and may just be close to the truth." She said solemnly and we both drank in silence for several pensive moments. I pondered how I had gotten into this strange mess that was my life and realized what the core of all my issues was. It was the rotten town of Mystic Falls itself. All of this wouldn't have happened if I hadn't come back to my birthplace at all and had stayed on the road or something like that. Why hadn't Lee contacted me in anyway yet?

I wanted him to properly deal with his loss but at the same time I wanted him to get on with it already and finally call me or at least give me some kind of a sign that he was still breathing and out and about. If there was any way that I could accelerate his healing process, than I would go to any length at the moment to support him and get away from this place, from him.

* * *

Gentle hands were placed around my middle and I craned my neck to find Harper pressing his face into my hair while Pearl left the room with a low chuckle. Harper's hands trailed across my stomach softly and I held perfectly still because I didn't want to destroy this fragile moment even though I knew that I was probably enjoying this for the wrong reasons.

With Harper, everything was alright. With Harper, I had no worries or they seemed a bit lesser for the moment in any case. With Harper, I felt that there was something else out there besides all the intrigues and turbulences that I was enwrapped in just as tightly as most of the other people involved but with Harper, I felt like I could exist fairly well spate from all that. Maybe I could find the strength to leave all this behind with him.

"You smell good." He murmured and his breath tickled my ear as it grazed it. His lips brushed my skin and I shivered in response as my stomach filled with the telltale butterflies. With a mild jab into my side, he signaled me to turn around and I immediately pivoted to meet his lips. The jubilant sensation that coursed through my body was incomparable with anything I had felt before. I wrapped my arms around his hips to pull him closer and my tongue gently traced his lips, causing his breathing to hitch in pleasured astonishment.

He hungrily kissed my neck and I chuckled nervously, reacting to his statement from before. "From what I've heard I must smell like moss and leaves." I scoffed but he relentlessly kissed my neck all the way down to my collarbone where he hovered for a bit and I could feel myself get edgy with anticipation of what he would do next. "Thank you for taking me hostage." I breathed in amusement but was interrupted by another searing kiss that left me wanting more when he pulled away but since I knew that he would react badly if I pushed him, I held back my lowly desires, which were stronger than I would have supposed. But then again, when I thought about it I had to admit that I hadn't carelessly slept with anyone since I had come to Mystic Falls besides the occasional escapade with Damon but I was trying very hard to push that from my mind.

Harper's hot kiss seemed to turn ice cold when my thoughts revolved around Damon and I could hardly listen to my own thoughts let alone Harper's questions. "Why were you alone in the woods in the first place? I'm perfectly aware of the fact that you're not helpless as a vampire but I still don't like the idea of you roaming around in the forest alone at night."

"Hmmm…" I mused as he placed cautious butterfly kisses down my neck, waiting for my answer, which I gave him as soon as he stopped. "It wasn't on purpose so you don't have to worry about it. I'm not sure whether I would like to be on my own in the woods." I shivered involuntarily at the memory of Bryan's sneering face but continued nonetheless. "I forgot to take in a healthy portion of blood, if you know what I mean but Pearl was kind enough to take care of me." I added quickly when he frowned and was about to protest.

He nodded reluctantly and hugged me closer. "Well then I'm glad that I was around. Didn't your roommates miss you when you didn't turn up at home?" He didn't sound especially happy about my explanation but there was nothing I could do about it.

"I don't know but I really have to go. I still have a job to attend." I chuckled nervously and freed myself from his embrace but placed my hands in his and it felt wonderful. It was a fleet touch but it meant so much more to me than he could ever imagine because of my phobia and all the rest of my awkward social behavior. This still seemed more natural to me than I would have expected.

"Okay, I'll see you tonight then." He said a bit dejectedly and kissed my cheek. His lips hovered before mine and his hand latched onto my neck to crash his lips onto mine once more in a fierce and swift kiss that left me stumbling out of the room like a drunkard.

I was grinning like a fool when Pearl cleared her throat to get my attention. "Would you check on my sweet Anna for me? She left a while ago to talk to Damon so you should run into her either way."

"Sure, sure." I said in bewilderment and raced back home to get my guitar and fulfill Pearl's request.

* * *

Anna was already walking down the front door steps when I arrived and looked at the ground with a thoughtful expression before her head shot up when she heard me and a sympathetic smile formed on her attractive features. "You look better." She commented, giving me a playful smirk which I could only return eagerly. She was a nice girl and obviously treated Jeremy well so there was nothing not to like about her.

"I feel better, too." I replied with a kind smile and quickly added. "Your mother was already getting worried about you." A puzzled expression crossed her face for a moment before a content smile graced her features, making her beauty stand out more prominently than before.

"Mothers are like that it seems. I'll see you around." She skipped away gracefully and I watched her retreat absentmindedly, which made me oblivious to Damon who had snuck up on me and was now standing in the doorway with a grim expression on his face. I nearly walked into him and then almost fell down the stairs in an attempt to back away from him.

A graceful arm snaked around my waist and caught me in midair but he pulled it away just as fast and walked back into the house, muttering darkly. "You're such a klutz. I hope you enjoyed your night."

I followed him and scratched my head uncomfortably, admitting. "Not exactly." I scooped up some clothes from the floor and went to change in the bathroom with Damon hovering before the door even though I would have understood him perfectly well if he was standing on the other side of the room.

"That bad, huh?" He remarked mischievously and I could almost imagine him raising his eyebrows in an amused expression and shook my head as I pulled on some black jeans even though he couldn't see it.

"Get your head out of the gutter. It wasn't like that and I sure as hell wouldn't tell you about it if it was." I pulled a baggy, dark red sweater over my head and washed the remains of last night's makeup from my face before walking back out of the bathroom.

"Just wait a second." He said arrogantly when I pulled the strap of the guitar case over my head to settle it diagonally across my shoulders. I danced out of the way of his hand that wanted to grab my arm but he just grinned at my annoyed reaction to his touch. "You're telling me that you ended up at his house without it getting hot and heavy?"

"Oh, grow up, Damon!" I exclaimed defensively but I squirmed a bit when I had to admit that he had been right about my consumption of blood or more lack thereof. "Harper found me in the woods after I collapsed but… don't look at me like that." I warned him when his eyebrows pulled together in distress. "I've had my blood so celebrate, you were right, I was wrong. I hope you're happy now." I said sarcastically and motioned toward the door. "Can I go now? I hate being late."

"You should take better care of yourself." He said cautiously but then the softening of his features was gone and he was serious again. "Just one more thing. It seems like something's wrong with my dear brother. A blood bank was robbed close by and the employees were compelled to forget about the incident so it's clear there was a vampire involved. The council is on it and Anna says she hasn't been to a blood bank in a while so that only leaves us to one last suspect, Stefan."

"That's not good, is it?" I said worriedly, momentarily forgetting that I was in a hurry thanks to this new piece of disturbing news. It seemed that the world was being turned upside down and now Damon was the responsible one, looking after his volatile brother of sorts that was raging out of control. "Damn, what will we do about this?" I asked him but he was already shaking his head at me.

"You won't do anything right now, I just wanted you to know that Stefan won't be like himself so be careful around him." I nodded my head hesitantly even though it felt strange that he was warning me about his usually so moral brother. "Now go ahead and get to work and I'll try to talk some sense into my younger brother like the good big brother that I am." I chuckled and turned to leave when Damon called me back again. "Avery." I turned my head to look back over my shoulder and turned around completely when I saw the flash of insecurity that took hold of his face for a moment before the usual lopsided grin spread on his face. "You really looked wonderful last night and I'm quite put out that my idiot brother got to dance with you and I didn't."

I laughed in earnest amusement and walked out the door again, calling back to him. "Next time, you'll have to be faster."

* * *

I raced to the kindergarten, wondering how much truth was behind that statement. If Damon had actually showed interest in me before, would I have ignored Harper's attention or would it have not made a difference at all? Because after all, it was clear that leading a serious relationship with Damon was an impossible feat with the ghost of Katherine still lurking around every corner. But I wasn't even sure if that was what I actually wanted. I knew that I enjoyed being close to him but being too close to him would probably only bring more hurt than anything else upon me. I would never be able to tell where his allegiance really was. Did he still love Katherine or was Elena his newer and better version of her? Was I just an experiment gone wrong? Maybe I should have died alongside Vicki or maybe there was a reason why I was still here and she wasn't, maybe I was supposed to make a difference in this strange love triangle.

It all didn't matter at the moment because I had promised myself that I would give Harper a fair chance and was banning Damon out of my thoughts because that train of thought was leading nowhere either way. It couldn't be bad that I was allowing myself a relationship that was purely for my own happiness without all the drama that revolved around me like a vulture stalking his prey.

I skidded to a halt before Simon who I nearly ran over in my thoughtful reverie. He crossed his little arms and looked up at me accusingly. "You're late. I hope you have a good excuse or you owe me one big favor."

My eyes widened at his bold request but a disbelieving laugh bubbles across my lips before I could stop it and the ghost of a smile echoed on his face. "Then the favor it is, Sim." He took hold of my hand and I felt a flash of pain tear at my soul when his small, warm hand was laid into my cold one. I might have been young when my human life ended but now I knew that I would have wanted someone to look up at me like this, like I could keep any harm from them by just being there. Most people didn't know how much they wanted something until it was lost and in this moment I knew that I wanted to be a mother more than anything else.

But that was something that would be lost to me forever. There was no looking back and all I had were fleeting moments with these children that trusted me in a different manner than they trusted their parents. That kind of love was so complete and pure that it filled you up completely and I knew that it was true because I still loved my mother very much even though she was long gone. I would never feel these kind of emotions for my own children and it filled me with a deep sadness that I had never experienced before.

This kind of loss was a different one than when my mother died or when my father decided that he didn't care about me, this was a pain that would follow me around forever. I internally damned eternity for being such a bitch, constantly reminding you of how simple it was to lead a normal, human, defined span of years. They didn't even know how wonderful their lives were.

I spent most of my time with Simon and even though he seemed relatively happy most of the time, I could see pain in those clear, blue eyes that could pierce right through you. He flinched away from large groups of children and the noise that accompanied them, some of the children seemed to steer clear of him because they found him strange or because they couldn't understand why he wouldn't join into their games.

It worried me to see him so detached from the group but on the other hand I was quite thankful for his company and the fact that he seemed to enjoy mine as well. Time flew by as we played game after game, building towers out of wooden blocks or playing memory cards. It almost seemed like he was a normal child to me but you couldn't be normal when you lost your parents at such a young age.

* * *

After the usual round of singing, he came up to me again and dragged me outside. "Isn't your uncle picking you up?" I asked in confusion, wondering whether something was wrong at home and that was why he was delaying going there.

"He doesn't have time today so you're going to do me a favor." He said cheerfully and I looked around uncomfortably, feeling like someone was watching us. I caught sight of Harper standing on the other side of the street and heading our way, his face solemn as he watched us together.

"Alright, just wait a second, Simon. Isn't he going to miss you if you wander off with me?" I asked, suspiciously but he just shook his head and glared at Harper who had reached us by now and was wrapping a nonchalant arm around my waist, pulling me against his body and out of Simon's grasp. "Alright, Simon, I'll come with you. This is Harper by the way, Harper, this is Sim." I informed him and he nodded politely.

"Simon to you." Simon scoffed at him and I had to concentrate hard to keep from laughing at the bizarre demonstration of jealousy.

"Do you mind if I accompany you two, Mister Simon?" Harper said with an amused twitch of his lips but an otherwise serious face and Simon seemed a bit appeased by his respectful manner.

Simon took my hand again and tugged me along, saying. "Alright, he'll be our bodyguard so you don't get in trouble with my uncle."

"Sounds fair." I said gently and then we walked in silence through the breezy, warm air of Mystic Falls, turning more than a few heads that didn't recognize what must seem like a small family making their way through town. It soothed my hurt emotions that this must be what it would be like if I could have a family.

* * *

We reached the cemetery and I stared at Simon in surprise, who only shrugged his shoulders at me. "I met your mother so it's only fair that I introduce you to my parents." It was a sweet gesture and I was sure that it meant a lot to Simon to let me into his fragile bubble of a life and I would respect that.

A hard feeling settled in my gut as Simon lead us through the rows of graves until we stood before the one that belonged to his parents. Simon and I sat down before it while Harper kept his distance for which I was thankful. I simply stared at the stone and felt the cruelty of the world settle as a weight on my shoulders. Why was Simon left alone in this world at such a young age?

I opened the guitar case with an audible click of the shutters that held it close and saw Simon flinch at the sound that pulled him out of his presumably sad thoughts. "Do you remember them much?" I asked softly as I strung the strings, letting the sound echo through the empty graveyard.

"Just glimpses but it's enough to miss them. It's like a cold feeling, right here." He gestured to his heart and I laid my hand on his for a while, listening to his heartbeat that was faster than an adult's and reminded me of the beating wings of a hummingbird.

There were no words I could give him to comfort him but instead I played him a song and hoped that he would enjoy the music.

_How cruel_

_is the golden rule?_

_When the lives we lived are only golden plated._

_And I knew that the lights of the city were too heavy for me_

_although I carry karats for everyone to see._

_And I saw God cry in the reflection of my enemies._

_And all the lovers with no time for me._

_And all the mother raise their babies_

_to stay away from me._

_Tongues on the sockets of electric dreams_

_where the sewage of youth drowned the spark of my teens._

_And I knew that the lights of the city were too heavy for me_

_although I carry karats for everyone to see._

_And I saw God cry in the reflection of my enemies._

_And all the lovers with no time for me._

_And all the mother raise their babies_

_to stay away from me_

_and pray they never grow up to be._

Silence ensued, which was only interrupted by the chirping of birds in the nearby forest. When I looked over at Simon I was shocked to see that there were tears collecting in his eyes and threatening to spill across his cheeks. He wiped at his cheeks furiously and my hands flew out to still his hands. "It's alright to cry, Simon. They deserve your tears."

"They would have liked your song." He sobbed and I felt helpless at his tearful sight but when I set aside the guitar he simply climbed into my lap and wrapped his arms around my middle, crying into my shirt. "They would have liked you." He whispered, quietly.

He just stayed there in my arms for several moments and I battled for the right things to say, knowing that it was a lost cause. There was no way for me to take away his sorrow but I could at least be there when he needed someone to talk to. "You miss them very much, don't you?" I asked softly and he nodded silently into my shirt, clinging onto the rough material of my sweater as if he was falling from a cliff and I was his lifeline. "Can't you talk about them with your uncle?" I asked suddenly, feeling that it would be nice to be able to talk to someone who knew the demised and could tell you more about them. Maybe it could ease Simon's pain to know what kind of people his parents were.

"No." He whined, pulling his head back to look up at me with his pale blue eyes that were currently tearful and red-rimmed. "He cuts me off whenever I ask him something and he put down all of their pictures because it's too painful for him to see, he says."

I frowned but he couldn't see it because he cuddled back into the crook of my shoulders, inconspicuously wiping away his tears there. "I guess I can understand him a bit but you should be able to talk to someone about how you feel, you can't just leave it all inside like a brewing storm." I gently trailed my fingers along his back, trying to soothe him but not sure whether I could help him at all. There was only so much you could do for someone who didn't want to be saved, someone who simply wanted to suffer alone, someone like me.

"It's so unfair. Why can't I be like the other children?" He sobbed into my chest and I could feel his tiny nose through my clothes, where it was trying to bury itself under my skin it seemed. I didn't want this intelligent and perceptive boy to feel this way, I didn't want him to be like me, strong on the outside but hurting on the inside.

"I know." I whispered and was startled by the tear that traced down my own cheek. My quavering voice made him pull back again and stared up at me in complete shock before he stretched out one of his fingers to carefully wipe away the tear.

"I don't want to make you sad." Simon said, wretchedly and his head dropped sadly.

I placed a finger beneath his chin and held his gaze without blinking. "Sometimes it's better to be sad than to not feel anything at all." I told him with a wry smile which he returned instantly. "Now let's take you home before someone accuses me of kidnapping." I told him cheerfully and shooed him off my lap.

He sprung up instantly and I followed him but was stopped by my vibrating phone. I answered it quickly with a slight frown on my face. "Yeah, who is it?"

"Don't be too happy to see me or rather hear me." Damon said sarcastically on the other side of the line and my frown deepened. "Get over here at once."

"What the…? Tell me what's wrong first." I exclaimed in confusion at his urgency and aggravation at his demanding tone that suggested I should come running as soon as he only snapped his fingers.

"Stefan's out of control at the Lockwood mansion. Please hurry, Avery." He said as if through clenched teeth and I would have jubilated at the small triumph of making him beg but his news was disturbing and when the conversation was cut short I was more than a bit anxious.

I turned on my spot and caught Harper's eye in desperation, motioning towards Simon with a nod of my head. He nodded and I walked over to Simon swiftly, kneeling down to look into his freckled face. "I'm sorry, Sim, but I have to go. One of my friends needs my help." I traced his cheek softly and he caught my hand in the motion, giving it a gentle squeeze.

"Okay." He said with a sad smile and pecked my cheek before I straightened up again. I jogged towards Harper and had a hard time controlling my motions into the kind that wouldn't make a human suspect anything supernatural.

He kissed my lips tenderly and I hovered for a moment, unwilling to tear away from his touch. "Go." He whispered gently, twisting a strand of my hair around his finger. "I'll make sure the little one gets home safely. Stefan needs you, go." He urged me and I bobbed my head thankfully, flashing him a last smile and waving towards Simon before I jogged up to the forest at human speed.

* * *

As soon as my figure was shaded by the trees I picked up speed and raced through the night that I hadn't even noticed had fast advanced upon us. My mind was spinning as fast as my legs were moving, imagining what might be awaiting me at the Lockwood mansion. Why had all this escalated so quickly?

My feet carried me of their own accord and it felt great to be able to move freely without feeling deadly tired. My hearing was just as sharp as all my other senses after the morning's diet of blood and I could hear the commotion going on in a segment of the woods close to the house.

No matter what I had imagined I was not prepared for the sight that awaited me there. Stefan's teeth were buried into the neck of pretty, blonde girl that I had seen around town before and his face was twisted into the horrific mask of a wild animal. "Stefan?" I whispered in bewilderment and he whirled around, his face blood smeared and his eyes kindling with a strange fire that frightened me. "Let her go, Stefan, you don't want to be like this." I said sternly but my face felt slack to me and I couldn't help but feel terror seep into my bones.

Before I could brace myself, Stefan's body impacted with mine sending me sprawling against a nearby tree. My ears were ringing and my body felt too pained to move again but I still propped myself up onto my elbows. Resting my back against the trunk of the tree, I gasped in shock when Stefan kneeled before me. I couldn't recognize his face because it no longer resembled the Stefan I had learned to like. "You're bleeding, Avery." He said in a threateningly cold manner before his teeth struck into my neck.

It all happened so fast that I only had time to groan in pain before he was ripped away from me again. "Leave her alone." Damon's deathly cold voice came to me as if through a long tunnel as the images of Bryan ripping away the hem of my dress flooded my mind. My vision went black and my panic threatened to crush me with waves of dread so powerful that I felt like drowning. The scenery reminded me too much of that horrific night that was still so clear in my memory. "Avery, look at me."

Someone was lying on the forest floor close to me, crawling towards me under obvious strain but my eyes couldn't focus on his face. "Damon?" I called with a panic stricken voice and tried to will away the pictures that flooded my mind. Bryan whispering how beautiful I look. Bryan's hands pushing up my dress. Bryan's lips covering my own as I try to scream for help. Damon looking up at me with worried eyes, blood trickling down his forehead. "You're hurt." I whispered hollowly.

"And you're freaking out again. Breathe, Ave, breathe. You're not there anymore and Stefan won't hurt you again." He assured me tenderly and I was surprised by how much his words helped me. I stared at him for a long time before I could force a smile upon my face.

"Okay." I whispered weakly, feeling oddly exposed. "Where did Stefan go?" I asked in confusion when I looked around cautiously, fearing Stefan's next brutal outburst. "I have to get out of here." I felt like I was about to get sick even though I was sure that wasn't even possible as a vampire. This entire situation seemed to much like a déjà vu to me. "Thank you, Damon, I'm sorry I couldn't help but…" I stood before him as he straightened up letting his joints crack and wasn't sure whether to run or stand my ground.

"Go already." He said with a waving gesture and I flew through the woods again without looking back. I hated myself for being so useless but the shadows of my past stretched longer than I could have imagined. Everything had been mostly around and now everything seemed to be catching up to me again, the death of my parents, the night of rape. I needed to get away from all of this for just a few minutes.

* * *

The fact that Harper lived in the woods was making me uncomfortable but I needed to feel his warmth right now because I knew that it would make me feel better about a lot, maybe not everything but a bit of comfort would be enough for now.

I knocked on the door and waited impatiently, looking around nervously as if someone would descend on me anytime now. When Pearl opened the door, relief washed over me but it seeped right out of me again when I saw her distressed expression. "Ah, Avery, you shouldn't be here." She said nervously, her eyes darting over her shoulder and I dreaded whatever it was she was trying to hide from me but I knew I had to see it either way.

It was like witnessing a car crash, you knew that what you would see would be a horrible sight that would haunt you for a long span of time but still you couldn't look away. It felt like time was slowing as I pushed past Pearl and made my way into Harper's room, the room that I had woken up in this morning, that I had felt safe in. Now it was like I was walking into a waking nightmare.

Harper's slouched form that sat before the bed, where a still figure lay unmoving and deathly pale with a shock of red hair. There was no heartbeat that I could here, no blood rushing through his veins and no movement of his limbs. I dropped to my knees before him and stretched out a trembling hand. When I touched his cold skin, I jerked my hand away as if I had been electrocuted. "What happened?" I asked, now my whole body was shaking with anger and grief.

"He ran away and when I caught up with him the life was already running out of him. A car ran him over and I gave him my blood in an attempt to save him but…" Harper explained, desperately.

My sharp voice interrupted him and my features darkened and twisted in fury. "You what?!" I shouted in pure wrath. "You turned him, a mere child?"

"I could see how important he was to you and I couldn't let him die. It should have healed his wounds but he was already too far gone. He's not waking up." He said and his voice was hollow as he tried to reach out his hand to me but I just hissed at him angrily, jumping away from his touch.

"Stay away from me." I snarled and with one last look at Simon's dead body I whirled around and let the pain take over, blinding me as I ran through the night without any destination in mind.

* * *

I obviously was in dire need of a drink because I was at the Grill before I could decide to go somewhere else. I sat at the bar in silence and Warren took to the monotonous task of refilling my cup every time it was empty with some kind of liquor. I didn't care.

Simon was gone and I couldn't forgive Harper for his part in his death. He had reminded me of myself and I wanted to save him from becoming like me and now I had failed. I couldn't save him anymore, I had let him down. My suffering didn't ebb away with the alcohol, it only blurred into something more confusing, a storm of feelings that I couldn't control or grasp anymore. I longed for oblivion because this couldn't be happening. It must all be a dream and when I woke up Simon would be there to sing along with me just like before.

But life was unfair, Simon had realized as much.

* * *

**Author's Note: **Oh, the drama :D . Tell me how you feel about the little turn of events. I've been waiting for some time to write it up and I'm curious about what you think of it all. I'm trying to stick to the series mainly but I think a few things are going to happen differently from now on, nothing major really just some things that aren't actually relevant for the series but they will be for my character. Happy reading and **thanks** for sticking around!

**Disclaimer: **Lyrics are from Golden by Fall Out Boy.


	13. Blood Brothers

**13 – Blood Brothers**

To say that I woke up with a headache would have been the greatest understatement of all time. It was one hell of an avalanche going off in the back of my head and I wasn't even sure if it was all due to the aftereffects of alcohol or whether it had more to do with all the occurrences from last night that were now crashing down on me again.

I groaned as I sat up and my vision swirled painfully, blurring on the edges until I wasn't sure whether I was actually awake with all the black spots dotting my vision. My vision cleared again and I recognized the apartment I was in with a spark of puzzlement but my emotions seemed so far away. I didn't care.

Somewhere deep in my mind, I knew that this should bother me in some way but it didn't and I didn't want to gather enough strength to think about it properly. I couldn't see why this should be necessary at the moment and the smell of blood in the air was distracting me. "Warren?" I called out questioningly, taking in my surroundings and weighing up my chances of leaving unnoticed through the window or via some other route of escape.

"Avery, how are you feeling?" Warren's booming voice echoed in my skull and any hope of a quiet retreat was futile as my body froze to endure the thousand needles that were piercing my head. I took a deep breath and put on a wry smile before stepping into Warren's view. I had never noticed how exhausting it was to pretend being human until now. It felt like a mask that I was putting on to hide who I truly was and that didn't sound right.

Warren was fixing breakfast in his jammed kitchen and I hopped onto the counter with a mild groan. "I would feel much better if you would stop shouting." His loud laughter made the smile come to my face a bit more easily but it still felt devoid of much feeling.

"You would feel a whole lot healthier if you hadn't drunk a barrel of whiskey but I'll leave you to it, lad." His large, beefy hand thumped against my back and I smirked at him even though I actually felt like frowning but I kept my volatile nature under control. My headache was making it extremely hard to stay placid and cool on the outside when everything on the inside was boiling.

"Probably." I mused while he stared at me intensely but he dropped his gaze when I didn't go on for a while. A thought occurred to me that made me smile again. "You shouldn't have given up your bed for me, I would have slept on the floor for all the good it did me. You most likely broke your own back in the process of heaving me into it."

"I'm not that old, gal." Warren murmured abashedly and set a cup of steaming coffee before me. "As far as I remember you're not much of an eater after a good night out." He said with a knowing smile and I stared at him in amazement as he offered me the milk carton with a wink. A warm feeling spread inside of me but it was chased away by such a pang of grief, pain and sorrow that I quickly pushed it all aside.

"That's nice of you." I said stiffly, pouring some milk into my cup and then sipping on it, ignoring the worried glance that was directed towards me. I had to get out of her and even though every cell of my body screamed at me to stay away from the kindergarten, my sense of duty made it impossible for me to not go. "I have to go now, work and stuff." God, I sounded completely lame, wasn't I supposed to be some kind of supernatural being? Why the hell was I acting this ordinary? I should be roaming through the world without a care in the world instead of burdening myself with responsibilities towards others.

I was already halfway through the door after chugging down the scalding contents of my cup when Warren called after me in a peculiar tone. "Avery." I whirled around and stared at him questioningly, raising my eyebrows while he fidgeted around, stepping from one foot onto the other as if he was some high school student that was asking the prom queen out on a date. "I know you don't want to talk about it but I still have to ask. What happened last night?"

The image of Simon's ghastly still face burned in my mind and before I could push away the memory of Simon's death, tears were brimming in my eyes and I cursed myself for being so weak. "I…" I stuttered and my voice felt incredibly hard to control as I forced it out of my clogged up throat. "I can't tell you, Warren, I'm sorry." I decided to say since it was the truth in some twisted sort of way. A snide voice in the back of my head reminded me that Warren was only a human and I had no obligation to be honest to him whatsoever. I just shut all my emotions out as if I was slamming the door into somebody's face and left Warren standing in his kitchen, string at the spot that I had been standing in with tortured eyes.

* * *

A twinge of regret ran through me but it disappeared just as quickly as I made my way through a town full of ignorant do-gooders. I had never realized how many people stared at me with a mixture of different emotions flitting across their features. Wonder, pity, wariness, skepticism. I met the glances that were thrown at me defiantly, getting angrier with each time a head was turned away caught in the act of doing something that was considered uncourteous, even rude.

My anger was still boiling when I reached my destination, where I slipped into the kitchen wordlessly to turn my attention to another matter. As I prepared the midday meal, I was saddened by the fact that Simon would never again seek me in the kitchen for a quiet moment or to simply be around me instead of the other children that found him strange.

Somehow the depth of my feeling for this small boy startled me and the intensity of my grief made me waver, allowing my feelings to crash down on me like a tidal wave. I wallowed in self-loathing, tormenting myself with the ungrateful question of what I could have done to prevent this from happening. All of eternity, I would be asking myself what I could have done for Simon. A sharp pain in my finger ripped me out of my depressing reverie and I watched the blood trickle down the finger I had cut into by accident. The skin healed at an impossible rate and melancholy tore at me. Couldn't it always be this easy with moments of terror or grief disappearing instantly, leaving no wound behind to carry around with you for all the world to see?

"You should get a grip on yourself before someone walks in on you, that might not understand why you're such a fast healer." My head jerked up and I was sure that I was still dreaming because Simon couldn't be standing in front of me with an amused expression on his angelic face.

"Sim?" I asked dumbly, unable to comprehend what was happening but it all started making sense when I noticed a few things that only vampire senses could have detected. The graceful, jerky movements Simon made since he wasn't used to the fact that he could move faster than any human. The coldness of his limbs that surprised me when I touched his cheek tentatively to convince myself that he was in fact real and actually standing before me. "You turned." I said hollowly and the swirl of emotions that stunned me with their intensity was too much to bear.

My joy hummed over all of the fear, anxiety and disgust I felt at the thought of a vampire child. I had been completely positive that I would never see him alive again but now he was standing before me, unblinking and grinning. If my heart had still been beating in my chest, it would have stopped dead in its tracks when I recognized the fledging of teeth he was sporting, the grin of a predator that sensed his prey was close. Still a happy smile stretched my features and tears of relief made their way down my cheeks because fact was that he was alive and well for the moment. I couldn't let him know how worried his state made me and how much I wished that he had stayed dead like a normal human should.

"You look like you're seeing a ghost, someone you claimed to be dead." He joked and threw himself into my arms. My response came automatically as I wrapped my arms around his tiny torso and buried my face into his fiery hair but a new sense of alarm like nothing else I had ever experienced made the hairs on my back raise in foreboding. This was not how your average fairy tale ended, this was going to end badly.

"When… How… did this happen?" I stammered, the smile still frozen onto my face. With a gentle smile I set him down again and turned my attention back to the vegetables I had been chopping and Simon joined in on the act as he explained what I had missed in my drunken stupor, blinded by my sorrow.

"Well, from what Harper told me, the fact that he fed me his blood while I was barely alive made my transition problematic. He forcedly fed me blood while I was in a coma, hanging somewhere between life and death. This made it possible for me to change and now I'm here. Pearl and Harper explained a lot to me about…" He paused in his excited babble to look around if anyone was listening in on our conversation. "… vampires." He breathed and the exuberance was clear on his face and somehow it terrified me even more. He went on without noticing my slipup. "I can't believe I couldn't see it. I mean, I always knew you were special, different than all the others." He said bitterly, adding in astonishment. "But this, I never imagined…" He trailed off thoughtfully and I let his thoughts wander because I was at loss for words anyway.

As much as I was ecstatic to see Simon alive, since no one should be ripped out of life at such a young age especially not someone that meant something to me, I was scared senseless about what the consequence of such a turning would be. What would I do with Simon now? I couldn't return him to his uncle for long because he would notice sooner or later that something was wrong but on the other hand, Damon would definitely kill me if I brought home a child.

Speaking of home, I definitely had to check in at the boarding house sometime soon to get a change of clothing and talk to Stefan. He had a high sense of morality and was much older than I was so I hoped that he would know just what to do in this situation. Yet I couldn't know what state he was in momentarily and if he would even be willing to help me but all I knew was that I didn't want Damon to know about this. He would probably explode on me or do something else that would be unhelpful. Other than that I had relied way too much on him in the past weeks and since I wanted to distance myself from the feelings that churned in me whenever I saw him, I should be keeping my distance from him physically as well.

"Is it always this cool?" Simon asked and his eyes were round as saucers in his excitement. "You're faster than everybody and stronger and everything?" I smiled at his childish glee and pushed aside my pensive mood to focus on the child before me.

"Pretty much. But, Sim, there are still some things we need to talk about, some rules." I said cautiously and he frowned at me like I was speaking a complete different language.

"Rules?" He repeated, solemnly. "Oh, come on, Avery. We're like superheroes, there's no one who can stop us so what kind of rules could possibly exist that we need to follow?" He whined and I winced at his oddly perceptive opinion that most vampires probably shared.

"There's just one important one really. No one can know about us. Our existence has to remain a secret to the rest of the humans out there." I explained, carefully.

Simon just rolled his eyes at me and grumbled. "Pearl and Harper said something along those lines as well but I don't see the point. It's not like they're strong enough to actually hurt us or anything but I guess that I can deal with one rule." He said with a mischievous grin but our conversation was cut short when Jane entered the room and I watched warily as Simon's eyes focused on her jugular veins.

"Lunchtime!" She announced jubilantly, inspecting the prepared food and shooing Simon away to go sit down with the other children, much to my dismay. How could I make sure he was okay with all these people around, tempting him to go on a volatile rampage? "Is something wrong, honey?" Jane asked worriedly when I didn't move from the spot that I was sitting in.

I gave her a patronizing smile and hesitantly asked my request. "Would you mind if I ran home during lunchtime? I forgot something… the guitar. Yes, the guitar." I made up an excuse quickly, realizing that this was in fact true and that it was probably still in the cemetery.

"Are you sure that you'll be back in time?" She asked in amusement at the desperate edge that echoed in my voice.

I chuckled involuntarily at her ignorance and assured her. "I'll be as fast as the wind."

"Then go ahead, dear." She told me and gestured towards the door. I nodded and made my way out of the kindergarten, only t pause in the play room where I saw Simon, acting suspiciously social today with two other children.

Our eyes met and I whispered sternly so only he would hear me. "Do not kill anyone while I'm gone." At first, he looked like he would protest but then he nodded sourly and relief washed through me. Maybe there was a spark of hope left that all would turn out well. With one last glance at him, I whirled around and had to suppress a shiver when I saw that predatory smile on his face again that made me feel sick to my stomach. This wasn't right.

* * *

I rushed to the cemetery via the outskirts of town and found the guitar lying in its case before the graves of Simon's parents and decided to pause for a song to my mother. All the thoughts that swirled around in my head were making me giddy and I felt like screaming out loud so instead I would sing until this scenery was no longer in my head. I dropped onto the guitar and closed my eyes before starting to play.

_The buttons on my phone are worn thin._

_I don't think that I knew the chaos I was getting in._

_But I've broken all my promises to you._

_I've broken all my promises to you._

_Why do you do this to me?_

_Why do you do this so easily?_

_You make it hard to smile because_

_you make it hard to breathe._

_Why do you do this to me, me?_

_A frozen line, a single tear_

_is harder than I ever feared._

_And you were left feeling so alone _

_because these days aren't easy like they have been once before._

_These days aren't easy anymore._

_Why do you do this to me?_

_Why do you do this so easily?_

_You make it hard to smile because_

_you make it hard to breathe._

_Why do you do this to me?_

_To me, to me, to me._

_I should've known this wasn't real_

_and fought it off, fought to feel._

_What matters most, everything that you feel_

_while listening to every word that I sing._

_I promise you I will bring you home._

_And I will bring you home._

_Why do you do this to me?_

_Why do you do this so easily?_

_You make it hard to smile because_

_you make it hard to breathe._

_Why do you do this to me?_

_Why do you do this to me?_

_Why do you do this so easily?_

_You make it hard to smile because_

_you make it hard to breathe._

_Why do you do this to me?_

_To me, to me, to me._

"Damn it, I don't know what to do." I uttered to myself, setting the guitar aside and burying my head between my knees. I allowed myself several moments to let the panic consume me and then I turned it all off because I couldn't deal with this right now. I couldn't. I got up and told myself, calmly. "One step at a time, always one step at a time."

* * *

After taking another deep breath to calm the nerves that I still felt trembling in the back of my mind, I raced to the boarding house. A wave of dizziness made me stagger to a halt before the house and I grabbed the doorframe for support as the world spun around me for several seconds. I cursed myself for drinking alcohol instead of blood and hoped that we had enough there to quench my thirst that suddenly seemed unbearable. I needed to stop ignoring my instincts.

"Damon." I called out as I pushed through the door and was surprised to be met by a fully clothed and brooding Damon. This was a sight that I could never get used to. "Do we still have some blood here?" I asked conversationally as I picked up some clothes to change into, ignoring the strange look that he was turning on me as he gave me a onceover.

"I'll get you some." He hurriedly suggested and I rose a suspicious eyebrow at his obvious discomfort but made good use of the time that he disappeared into the cellar to change into a fresh set of clothes. I was getting disgusted by my own scent in the other ones, which wasn't exactly a happy feeling. I sat there in black tights, a grey mini skirt and a maroon v-neck sweater and waited patiently for him to return with my nutrition. But I felt more than a bit on edge and I was having a hard time holding still.

I drummed my fingers on my leg and only barely caught the blood bag that was thrown into my direction. "Where's Stefan?" I shot eagerly but attempted to contain my anxiety before Damon. "There's something I want to talk about with him." I explained, a bit more evenly than before and ripped open the bag with my teeth to suck it dry immediately. The burning in the back of my throat lessened but the swirling of my thoughts stayed as dizzying as before.

The fact that I was pretty distracted made me not note how Damon was wringing his hands nervously, an obvious sign that something was not right because Damon was never nervous. He was self-confidence on legs. "Stefan is not available at the moment." I looked up at him because of his strange choice of words and panic began to rise inside of me again.

"Oh." I said hollowly and my brows furrowed in a dissatisfied frown. "Where is he? He's out alone, aren't you afraid that he'll hunt down humans in a blood induced frenzy? He would be threatening our cover and you won't be able to control him by simply standing there and staring at me like…" My tense babbling obviously amused Damon because he was suddenly in front of me, cupping my face endearingly which of course silenced me for the moment.

His closeness made my skin prickle and I felt so strongly electrified by his presence in a way that I had never felt around Harper. I couldn't do anything but stare into his pale blue eyes like a startled deer would gaze into the headlights of a car that was about to overrun it. But what he said made the precarious bubble I was currently in burst and the moment of stillness was gone in the blink of an eye. "There's no need to worry about him because he's not out and about, he's locked up in the cellar."

His thumb gently caressed my cheek as if he hadn't just told me that he had betrayed his brother and taken away his freedom. I slapped away his hands roughly, freeing myself from his confusing touch, and took a step away from him to make sure that he wouldn't be distracting me in any matter. "What have you done, Damon?" I grumbled angrily, batting away his hand when he reached out for me again and demanded, seriously. "Tell me."

"Alright." He said softly, throwing his hands up in defeat. "And it wasn't only me, Elena had a big say in it as well." My eyes widened even more and I hissed angrily, kicking the base of the couch in frustration.

"I should have none that that bimbo was involved as well." I grumbled darkly and crossed my arms before my chest tightly, desperate to contain the anger that was welling up inside of me. Couldn't the constant string of problems stop at some time. How did I miss this? "I don't have much time so you better give me a good reason why I don't bust Stefan out of his prison right now." I said threateningly.

Before Damon could answer me, someone else burst through the door with a look of complete utter desperation on his face. "Avery!" Harper exclaimed and the pain was evident in his voice but I couldn't care less. He was the last person that I wanted to see at the moment.

My fists started shaking and soon my entire body was trembling with barely contained wrath, my voice was absolutely livid when I spoke through clenched teeth. "Didn't I make my opinion clear yesterday? Get. Out. Now." I emphasized each word with a vigor that I had never been capable of before.

"Please, Avery, here me out." Harper pleaded with me and stretched out his hand for me to lay mine into his. I backed away from him, only to stop in my tracks when the anger became too much to bare.

My voice became deadly cold and I hardly recognized myself when I spoke again but I couldn't get myself to care. "How dare you ask anything of me after what you've done?" I lunged at him but two strong arms held me back, arms that surprisingly belonged to a placid looking Damon that watched the entire scene with a grave expression on his face.

I struggled against his grip but gave up just as quickly when I felt a terrible weakness wash over me because there was nothing I could do. I felt completely helpless in the face of all the issues that were heading towards me and my first instinct was to run away, never looking back again. In my mind, there was no option I could choose that would actually improve my situation. "You heard her, get out of my house." Damon said coldly, keeping a strong hold on my arms that kept me standing.

I couldn't show Harper how broken I felt because I was losing him and Simon at the same time. It was tearing me apart but I couldn't let him see that. I rested my back against Damon's chest and saw a look of true betrayal cross his face as I let Damon wrap his arms around me. He fled the scene again but not without one last glance over his shoulder at me before he left, leaving me alone with Damon.

There was no explanation for the fact that I could let him see me break down and not Harper but that was just the way it was at the moment. I swayed and would have fallen if Damon hadn't already been so tightly wrapped around me, ensuring that I didn't fall onto the ground. But I had already fallen from grace after all that had happened and I didn't feel the need to pick myself up again.

Damon sat down on the couch and pulled me onto his lap, swirling me around so that my cheek could rest against his chest. He rested his chin on my head and stroked my back gently, asking. "What happened?"

"Nothing." I shot back coldly, irritated by his questions that were only making it harder on me. Couldn't he just leave me alone? That didn't even make sense to me since I enjoyed his proximity too much to stay away from him, even when I didn't care about anything else I knew that. "Damon, can we just not talk?" I suggested, tracing the lines of his abs through his shirt.

"No, Avery, you need to tell me what happened last night." He insisted, laying a finger under my chin to turn my gaze towards his. He simply looked at me for a long time until I frowned at him and took away his hand. But when I bent forward to kiss him, which seemed like the only plausible thing to do at the moment since I didn't want to talk, Damon pulled away from me. I could have sworn that such a thing wasn't even possible. "What are you doing?" He exclaimed in confusion, which was actually quite comical.

"Are you actually complaining?" I exclaimed disbelievingly but he held me at arm's length like I was some animal that wanted to attack him.

"You turned it off." He mused thoughtfully and he set his face in determination as he commanded. "Turn it back on, Avery. Do you hear me? Turn it back on, now!" I wanted to protest but when I looked into his calm, steady gaze I couldn't and I hesitated, not able to resist the enthralled look in his eyes. He was actually worrying about me and only me at the moment so I couldn't refuse him the answer but that was easier said than done.

"But… but it hurts, Damon." I whispered, my hands clawing at his shirt and bunching it up in my hands that were now trembling out of a different reason than anger. It was fear. "I can't do it. Even now I can feel it gnawing at me even though I'm trying to keep it at bay."

His hands wrapped around mine and he gently peeled my fingers off of his shirt. "It won't get any better if you wait, so you might as well face it now." He said gently but I shook my head in denial. "I'm right here, Avery. Tell me what happened." He repeated, letting me place my hands into his. "What did Harper do that you're so angry with him?"

I twitched in response to his questions and carefully lifted the veil that was protecting me from my emotions. It was like breaking a dam and tears collected in my eyes as I explained. "He turned Simon." Saying it out loud made me feel even more miserable and I hung my head, letting it droop against Damon's chest again.

Damon wrapped his arms around me again and his embrace soothed my raw soul but it didn't make my situation any better. "A child? One of the kids at your kindergarten?" He asked cautiously.

"Yes. At first, it didn't work and it seemed that he was dead. Is it that horrible of me to think that that would have been the better fate for him?" I asked quietly, folding my hands in my lap. "I would have felt terribly guilty to have let him done but at least his sole existence wouldn't have been so terrifying to me. I mean he's only a child." I said, desperately.

He stayed silent for several moments and I almost thought that he was judging me for wishing Simon had died. "Turning children… is an act that is rare and pretty much forbidden in our society. Not that we are governed in any way but it is problematic. What do you think you'll do?"

"I don't know." I exclaimed in frustration, burying my face in the crook of his neck and wrapping my arms around his neck. "I have to go, Damon. Simon turned up at the kindergarten and I fear what he will do next." I admitted, feeling painstakingly wretched inside, thanks to my emotions

Damn held on to me when I made the move to get up but he hesitated to speak and I saw something like compassion flit across his features. "How did he die?"

"Run over by a car." I said, sounding detached and sad. He let go of me and I regrettably stepped away from him, wanting nothing more than to stay there with him. After having everything turned off for a while, my desire felt that much stronger and I averted my eyes from him so I would not be tempted to kiss his perfect lips again.

The fact that he had rejected me earlier on now stung and I despised myself for being so shallow. I had other problems than Damon not returning my useless feelings and I should stop fueling the small spark of hope that I still had that everything would turn out alright. "I'm sorry." Damon said suddenly and his face was actually anguished as he said. "I know you could have been there if I hadn't called for your help."

A sad smile pulled at the corners of my lips and I assured him. "That's the only thing I don't regret about last night. Being there for my friends is hardly a crime, especially when you have so few of them like I do." I said, ruefully.

He looped his arms through mine and accompanied me out the door. "You could have loads of friends if you wanted to." He told me with a quiet smile.

I laughed awkwardly and replied. "I'm not so sure about that but I also think it's better this way." I shrugged my shoulders at my own social awkwardness because it really didn't bother me since I had always been this way.

"At least that way, you can definitely rely on them." He said, offhandedly. I stared at him in amazement and suddenly felt that much more in love with him for his protectiveness. Many people would only see his volatile nature but I could see that he only acted this way to distract from the fact that he was actually quite sweet. He loved his brother even though he had taken Katherine away from him in some way and was protecting him from harm in his own special way.

"I hope so." I said quietly and kissed Damon's cheek. "Thanks, Damon."

"You can come to me if you need advice on the matter of Simon. You don't have to do this alone." He assured me and I smiled at his unspoken promise. Before I could leave he called me back, saying. "And next time, Avery, I won't keep you from making the mistake of kissing me even though you have a better man on the line." A mischievous glint shone in his eyes and I blinked at him in astonishment.

What if it wasn't a mistake? But I couldn't say it aloud because that would probably ruin everything. The balance between Damon and me was precarious and I couldn't destroy it when we were growing closer as friends. "I'll keep it in mind." I said quietly and I thought that I could hear a twinge of regret in my own voice but Damon was unaware of my feelings as always. "Where are you heading?" I asked him quickly, seeing that he was getting into his car.

"Grove Hill." He answered me when he had rolled down the window. "Alaric and I have a lead that John Gilbert's accomplice might reside there." He told me and I was happy about his honesty. "Call me if anything happens." He told me seriously and added. "I think you should talk to Harper. I'm not sure that I would have done anything different if I had been in his place." I nodded hesitantly but couldn't imagine how that conversation should work out, especially not today.

I simply nodded and told him, calmly. "Good luck." I knew that he was probably right about Harper but I couldn't think rationally at the moment and was desperate to get back to the kindergarten soon. Not only so I wouldn't be late but also so that I could see what Simon was up to.

* * *

Damon drove away and I raced back to the kindergarten where the next surprise awaited me. Simon was nowhere to be found. I anxiously sought Jane to understand what this meant. "Jane, where's Simon?" I tried to ask calmly but my worry leaked through anyway but whatever it made her think, it wasn't making her suspicious.

"Oh, honey, he felt sick and a couple of the kids accompanied him home." She told me and panic made my world spin again. This couldn't be happening. If it was true and he actually felt queasy, then he was most likely craving blood and those children were in danger. I couldn't see any reason except deception to make Simon lie and that meant he was up to no good.

"Do you mind if I check up on him as well?" I asked nervously, hoping that everything was alright but dreading that that was only a means of deceiving myself into feeling a bit better about myself. It had been reckless to leave him alone and now I was paying the price.

Jane frowned at me and my heart sank when she shook her head. "He'll be just fine, honey, and he's not alone so you can stay right here with us." She patted my shoulder with that kind smile of hers and a flash of hatred flashed through me that was so intense that I was immediately scared of my own extreme reaction.

But I knew that the dread I felt was completely justified while Simon was out and about with two innocent children. His new nature would make him impulsive and it terrified me to imagine what might have already happened while I wasted my time here.

Yet at the same time, I couldn't leave with no reason. That would arise unnecessary suspicions especially after I had questioned Jane about Simon's whereabouts. I had to believe that he wouldn't do anything foolish, that he wouldn't kill anyone in a frenzy. He was only an innocent child as well and I only had to live through the last working hour before I could check up on him.

The seconds ticked by and I nervously glanced at the clock on the wall every minute, only to be disappointed by how little it had changed since I had last checked it. My frustration grew by the minute and I could hardly concentrate on what I was playing, which resulted in clumsy fumbling with the strings and discordant tunes. Luckily, no one was bothered by my distractedness.

* * *

After I was released from work, I searched through Simon's personal data in a frenzy until I found the address of his uncle's house. There was no feeling of relief as I finally started running, instead I felt my breathing quicken in agitation as the houses flew by. The overwhelming fear reminded me of the dread that I had felt in the one night that had changed my entire life but now I wasn't fearing for myself. All the fear was for someone else and I wasn't sure whether this was worse or not.

I finally found the correct house number and the eeriness of the silence made me suspicious instantly. What had I expected, screaming maybe? I shook my head and pushed open the creaking door to find out whether my fantasies had become reality or whether I was putting things out of proportion. Maybe I was just seeing ghosts. Maybe there wouldn't be anything wrong and Simon simply left because he had felt his hunger coming, preventing from hurting anyone. Maybe it didn't mean anything that the other two children hadn't returned. Maybe…

All my thoughts stopped as I took in the gruesome scene before me. Even the fear froze right inside my body because I could only take in what was before me without actually feeling anything. Three bodies were strewn across the wooden floor in unnatural positions, their arms twisted and their necks broken.

The two children had snapped necks and two neat puncture wounds on the skin of their throat, where Simon had drained them clean. I suspected the man must be Simon's uncle but I could hardly recognize his face again as it was covered in blood and gore. He had literally been ripped apart by Simon, making his anger towards his guardian clear.

Simon himself sat among the dead and drew circles onto the ground with the blood on his hands, that also covered his clothing, his face and his arms. It dripped from his chin as well and I couldn't help but picture him as a fallen angel, someone completely innocent that had fallen from grace, that resisted the good that he used to embrace just because he could.

When I entered he looked up at me and a sly smile spread on his face as he chimed with a shrug of his shoulders. "I didn't kill them at the kindergarten." I simply stared at him in shock, feeling the surprise numb my pain into oblivion as I realized that there was nothing left for me to save here. He had no sense of morality, not because he was a vampire but because he was still a child and it hadn't developed properly and I wasn't sure whether that would ever change.

A child picked on him and he would prick that child's skin in return. It seemed fair to him but I knew that the world could never accept such a code, not even the supernatural world could deal with such a mentality. I steeled my mind and put on something close to a smirk because I knew that as long as I lived I would protect him the best I could.


End file.
